A Life Worth Loving - Part 1
by MyMerryMen
Summary: Sequel to A Life Worth Living! Hal survived and is ready to tackle his new life. There are bumps in the road and he has to realize that adjusting to a life in a wheelchair is a challenge; but he has a whole building of Rangemen behind him plus Steph, the woman he loves. Can he sweep her off her feet even though he's no longer a whole man? Hal/Steph HEA, rating M as precaution
1. Coming Home

_**Disclaimer: All the characters you recognize from the Stephanie Plum books belong to Janet Evanovich.**_

_**A/N: This story isn't beta'ed. Any grammar faults or spelling errors are not to be considered flaws or defects but inhence the individual beauty : )**_

_**Finally, exactly one year after publishing the one-shot A Life Worth Living, the sequel is there, fresh off the press for you. YAY! I strongly recommend that you read my one-shot before starting this story to make sure you understand the condition Hal is in and know everything about his past/marital problems.**_

_**A very special hug goes out to XxtartloverxX. In a very short time you've become a very special friend. I'm happy to have you in my life.**_

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**Chapter 1 - Coming Home**

**August, Philadelphia Rehab Center**

"Hey man," Vince cheerfully threw the door open making it bang against the wall. "You ready to leave these Hal-lowed halls and paint the town red?" He beamed brightly. Finally, his friend was coming home; he had so waited for this day to come.

It was a beautiful, warm, sunny August day. Hal sat on his bed and looked around the sun-flooded room which had been his home over the past seven months one last time. The interior was light, cheerful and inviting, so much better than his rather dark apartment at Haywood; but nonetheless he wouldn't miss it. Last year December 6th, eight months ago, he had tried to end his life and today he would finally be going back to Trenton.

The months since he'd been transferred from the hospital to the Rehab Center had been grueling both physically and emotionally. Each day began with Hal attending either occupational or art therapy in the morning and hours of gruesome physical therapy each and every afternoon. That plus the psychotherapy and self-respect sessions three times a week were all to prepare him for this moment and all the wonderful moments yet to come. Taking a deep breath Hal smiled. He felt stronger than ever. He was ready.

There were no memories of his drop or the minutes before; but when he hit the water's surface it must have been like hitting concrete. It was touch and go and the MedEvac chopper immediately rushed him to the level 1 trauma center of the Pennsylvania Hospital in Philly. His thighs, pelvis, hips, numerous ribs and both shoulder blades were broken and partly smashed, his lung punctured and kidneys squashed; but the really frightening diagnoses were the fissures in his thoracic and lumbar spine. His surgery lasted twenty hours, his coma three weeks; but he pulled through. The best neurosurgeons on the east-coast operated on him; but they couldn't work wonders. The damage to the spinal cord and the accompanying swellings and contusions were so severe that they changed his life forever; leaving him paraplegic with some sensation; but no autonomous mobility. Had it not been for Steph and Vince and the unending stream of Rangemen visiting him, Hal was sure he would have given up and accepted his fate and by that a life in a wheelchair. His friends and colleagues kept pushing and encouraging him against all odds and now he was walking under his own steam. Guaranteed, the periods of time were short, twenty yards at a stretch, and he needed his wheels always within reach; but damn – he was walking.

Hal turned around and looked at the two people in his room. Vince had morphed from his partner to his best friend and Steph – Steph had been his rock, his source of strength. They had laughed together while watching episode after episode of 'Chip' n Dale, The Rescue Rangers'. He had let his walls down and cried on her shoulder in those dark hours when he felt like giving up all hope. He even had taken his frustration and anger out on her without her ever batting so much as an eye in the face of his temper.

Grabbing his crutches, Hal struggled as he hoisted himself off the bed and, staggering ever so often, slowly made his way over to where Steph was waiting for him. A week ago he still needed a bulky walker. Now he got along with two crutches each assisting the respective leg in carrying the weight and keeping his balance. When he finally stood in front of her, his effort was rewarded with the most beautiful smile and electric blue eyes in the world.

"Come on, sailor. Time to get this sexy body home," she grinned up at him with sparkling eyes.

Vince got the wheelchair over to them and like an old pro Hal rolled down the halls and into the elevator. On the first floor with the exit in sight he asked for his crutches and pushed himself into a standing position. Patients, nurses and other employees greeted him and wished him good luck. Eventually, their applause and cheers rang in his ears, as he proudly ambled past the reception and out of the Philadelphia Rehab Center dragging one leg then the other. When they finally reached the black Rangeman SUV, Hal was exhausted; but he had sworn to leave the center walking and damn he did it. 'Look at me,' his jubilant ego puffed its chest. 'I'm the shit all shit yearns to be!'

The drive back was filled with blithely chitchat and laughter. Brett had managed to blow up one of the company cars while out on a call. Naturally, Lester deemed that momentous event the end of Steph's bad car karma and the beginning of Brett's. Now the guys were working on her to accept a company car. Each day they were showing her pictures of cute little SUVs they could gadget up to make her very own "Bombshell-Mobile"; but so far she was unwavering. There had been a new guy at Rangeman who right on his first day started hitting on Junior. He ended hanging upside down from the gym ceiling until Tank got back from a client meeting. Somehow the big guy didn't see the same level of amusement in a human piñata as did the rest of the Rangemen. Woody got shit-faced when celebrating his birthday and declared himself in love with one of the pole dancers. The next time he was seen was 48 hours later, dehydrated, stiff and sporting an obvious limp; but the smile on his face could illuminate all of Jersey. The office grapevine hadn't seen him and the woman hooking up again.

Ranger was in the wind. When Steph insisted on staying 24/7 with Hal those first weeks when he was in coma, Ranger was less than thrilled with her decision; but Steph stayed adamant. There was a rather vociferous disagreement one night outside the hospital between the pair which Tank and Ram had to interrupt before it got out of hand. To say the atmosphere between Ranger and Steph was charged; but no longer in a good way, was an understatement. On a rainy and stormy March day, two months after Hal had been transferred to the Rehab Center, the guys on monitor duty witnessed Steph running out of Ranger's office with tears streaming down her face. In true Steph style, she ditched all her trackers and vanished from the face of earth. Vince, Ram and Cal went crazy when they heard what happened and called Ranger to the mats. Tank had all the Rangemen searching for her until they finally found her at the Rehab Center with Hal. Nobody knew what exactly had happened; but Ranger went in the wind directly afterward without an estimated comeback. It took Tank some long talks and tight hugs to convince his Little Girl to return to Haywood at all. None of the Rangemen dared to ask her for details; but everybody could see how she was hurting thus they closed ranks around their blue eyed, Beautiful Bomber and supported her the best way they could.

"So what do I have to expect when we get back?" Hal asked into the quiet that had settled over them as they hit the Trenton city limits. He knew better than expecting to silently slip into his apartment.

"Balloons," Steph hugged him from behind and smiled radiantly, "and banners."

Hal instantly blushed beet-red. "Please tell me that's not true, Vince."

"Man, suck it up," his friend laughed. "She has been on Tank's case this whole week. I swear he started to hide in his office cuz he was afraid Steph would be lurking somewhere to jump him."

"Steeeeeph," Hal whined with pain written all over his face.

"What? You accepted the colored wheelchair the guys got you; but my balloons and banners are not OK?"

"The wheelchair is cool – sporty, with blazing flames on the wheels. I'm a grown man. Balloons are not cool."

Steph rolled her eyes so far back that for a moment she thought she could see her brain. Just when she was about to spit out a witty remark, Vince turned the Explorer onto Haywood and the Rangeman building came into view. Home, he was finally home. Hal felt a distinct flutter in his heart and impatiently leaned forward.

"Look at the rookie next to me, Steph. Can't wait to get back to work," Vince laughed.

Steph had already unbuckled her seat-belt. The moment the truck hit the garage floor she opened the door and jumped out of the still moving car. They were all there, just as she had asked them. Assembled in front of the elevator were all the off duty Rangemen, balloons in hand and cheering. She was so proud of them; these last months she came to realize that they were really the greatest guys on earth.

Once the truck stopped, Vince unbuckled and went to the back to collect Hal's wheelchair. It was a sports model with custom designed wheel spats which Hector and Cal had done an amazing job spray painting. Hal had been right; the chair was really flashy and cool. While Vince was busy, Steph helped Hal out of the car. Once he was steady on his legs and crutches, he slowly made his way around the truck and was greeted by a blast of whoops and cheers. The men streamed forward, each of them eager to welcome their comrade home. Lots of things had changed since Hal's attempted suicide. Mandatory quarterly counseling sessions, a truce on the merciless shenanigans and partners having a closer eye on each other's emotional well-being were just some of the new policies established. The incident had definitely changed Rangeman and brought the employees closer together.

Hal turned around and raised an eyebrow at Steph.

"What now?" She faked irritation. "I just told them to say hello."

Smiling he lifted his right arm and pulled her close pressing a kiss into her hair. Only she would get a bunch of hardcore mercenaries to hold balloons and cheer and whoop and go around hugging him.

"This is nothing, man," he heard Vince voice to his left as he transferred himself into the wheelchair. "Wait till you see your new apartment. The guys did a great job."

With his handicapped mobility and the use of the wheelchair, Hal could no longer stay in his cramped fourth floor apartment. Instead, Tank had pulled in an architect to set up a handicapped accessible apartment on the third floor next to Bobby's infirmary. It was great – airy, light, with lots of room to maneuver the bulky chair; but the highlight of the space was the wheelchair accessible bathroom with roll in shower and a tub with bars and handles. Hector and Cal had talked to the therapists at the Rehab Center about colors and how they influence the mood and painted the apartment accordingly in light pastel tones. Brett and several of the other guys went furniture shopping with Ella, again voting for lighter colors. Everything was supposed to be supportive and inviting to prevent Hal from ever dropping into such a depressive state again.

When Hal rolled out of the elevator on three, the first thing he saw was the huge banner welcoming him home over a new door next to the infirmary. However as he rolled into the apartment, the sight in front of him took his breath away. Suddenly, he felt Steph's arm around his neck and her pressing a gentle kiss on his cheek. Together they made their way down the short wide hall into the living room that seamlessly merged with an open kitchen. Everything was perfect. The kitchen counter top was adjustable so he could either sit in his wheelchair or easily stand and work without having to bend his spine and the dinner table was high enough that he could roll his wheels under the top to sit comfortably. The couch was raised in an effort to both ease standing as well as transferring from 'the wheels' to the couch and back; but the eye-catcher was the huge oversized recliner that screamed comfort. Hal pressed his lips tight and frowned when he felt the first tear slip out of the corner of his left eye.

"Welcome home, Hal," Steph whispered as she crouched down, wiped away the lone tear and pressed a gentle kiss on his jaw. "I'm so happy; you have no idea what having you back means to me."

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_**I hope you like the start. Leave me your thoughts and comments in a review; I'd truly appreciate that. **_


	2. A Friend In Need

**_Disclaimer: All the characters you recognize from the Stephanie Plum books belong to Janet Evanovich._**

**_A/N: This story isn't beta'ed. Any grammar faults or spelling errors are not to be considered flaws or defects but enhance the individual beauty : )_**

**_Thanks to all those who are following this story, favorited it or even favorited me and a special thanks to the few who reviewed._**

**_*~* Merry Christmas to everybody *~*_**

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**Chapter 2 – A Friend In Need**

**September, 5 weeks later**

It had been five weeks since Hal's return to Haywood and everyone was slowly settling into a routine. Hal worked half days on five either watching the monitors or as Tank's gofer. Nobody paused anymore to cast sympathetic glances or offer assistance when they saw him wheeling down the hall or slowly ambling from cubicle to cubicle dragging one leg then the other. It looked as though life for Hal was undoubtedly evolving into a new normal.

Bobby had taken over the torturous physical therapy and was even more relentless than the PTs at the Rehab Center in Philly. The enthusiastic goal was to get Hal walking with just the help of a cane and to retire the wheelchair; but that meant more long and grueling sessions lay ahead of him. Although he took each day in stride, Hal preferred those days when his training fell in the afternoon or evening. He would work on five for half the day and then visit with Bobby for a few hours. When he completed his regimen, he'd crumble his wearied body onto the recliner or into bed. However, days like today when the torture session was in the morning, Hal was barely able to return to his apartment under his own steam let alone get upstairs to work. He wanted nothing more than to soak his battered limbs in a warm bath; instead there he stood with locked knees leaning against the wall of his bathroom wondering how to get undressed without crumbling in a whimpering heap onto the floor. The stressed nerves and muscles in his back sent terrible stabbing pains rocketing through his body and streaming down into his legs. He hated that, he so fucking hated that. Sucking up his pride and readying himself for the humiliation, Hal pressed the panic button he wore around his neck which connected directly to Bobby's cell. Within a minute there was a knock at the front door and the alarmed medic stepped in announcing himself loudly.

"Where are you, Hal?"

"Bathroom."

When Bobby stepped into the room and automatically scanned Hal for what could be wrong he immediately noticed the embarrassed blush on his face.

"Hey man, what's wrong?" He asked sympathetically.

Hal closed his eyes, mortified, and let out a long breath.

"I need to take a leak," he finally answered meekly. "I want to take a relaxing bath; but I can't move. My knees are locked and I know I will fall when I try to take one step. Undressing myself is also completely out of the question."

"Are you just feeling weak or is there also pain in addition?" Bobby was in full medic mode.

"I'm hurting like fucking hell thanks to you and your crackbrained training! This is entirely your fucking fault," Hal shouted irritated. Boiling anger surged through his body, consuming every rational thought in him. He squeezed his eyes shut against the unwelcome tears and took a few deep breaths against the thundering pain shooting throughout his body. "Sorry man," he finally whispered miserably. "Today is just … I'm hurting; I'm full of rage and I hate my condition. I want to crawl into bed and never get up again and it's pissing me off that I need someone to help me undress and carry me over to the toilet and heave me into the tub like I'm a fucking nursing case."

Bobby looked at him with misty eyes full of compassion. He could see the deep breaths moving Hal's chest slowly up and down, probably a last-ditch attempt against the building cramps in his body. He couldn't even start to imagine what this confession must have cost Hal.

"I don't think I ever told you how absolutely in awe I am of you," Bobby finally said quietly into the stillness of the room.

"In awe of me?" Hal chuckled bitterly.

"Yes, of you," came Bobby's firm reply. He wouldn't allow Hal to doubt his words. "Ten months ago you reached such a low that you saw no other option but to take your own life. As a result you suffered several very complicated fractures plus spinal cord injuries which left you paraplegic without hope for recovery. You weren't willing to accept that fate. Man, you fought like hell against what those docs said. Granted, there were moments when you wanted to give up and Steph and Vince had a huge part in keeping you going; but at the end of the day, it was all you, Hal. **You** are the one who kept fighting. It was **your** battle and **you **won! Are you aware how inspiring this bravery, strength and resilience is to me? Hell, every man in this building is looking up to you, admiring you."

Bobby went over so he stood directly in front of Hal and locked eyes with him.

"I know you feel embarrassed, even humiliated by having to call for me," he grabbed Hal's neck and squeezed it reassuringly, "but there is nothing to be embarrassed about, OK. You need help to undress, to wash up, to get to the toilet or into the tub, you call me. That's all part of my job. Shit man, I've seen it all. I'd hope you would rely on me to help you whether or not I was the company's medic. I want to help you not because I have to; but because you are my brother. It's my nature; it gives me a feeling of worth. Don't feel as though there's anything you can't share with me or ask of me."

Hal nodded, gulping against the lump in his throat.

"You ready to clean yourself up now?" Bobby asked and got another nod as response. "Good, then I would suggest we get rid of the clothes first."

After he pulled down the gym shorts and briefs, Bobby helped Hal to step out of them, brought Hal's right arm over his shoulder, grabbed firmly around his naked waist and helped him over to the toilet.

"Call me when you are finished," he said after Hal was seated.

Ten minutes later Bobby moved Hal over to the tub filled with Epsom salt and warm water. Just as he was mopping up what had sloshed over the wide rim, Steph called out from the living room.

"We are in the bathroom, Steph. Wait a minute," Bobby answered quickly before turning to Hal. "I'll be back in twenty minutes to help you out of the tub, getting dressed and into your wheels. Do you want Steph to wait or shall she come back later?"

"No, I want her in here with me. I need some happy and she's exactly the one who can give it to me."

Bobby smiled and left the bathroom just to have Steph prancing in seconds later and hop up on one of the counters.

"Hey sailor," she smiled down at him, keeping her eyes on his face, ignoring his nakedness in the water. "What's going on? You look miserable. Someone steal your rubber duckie?"

"Just had an early visit in the torture chamber also known as gym," Hal grimaced.

That made Steph laugh out loud. Hal had always loved his workouts – after all he was called Halosaurus for a reason. Hearing him talking about the gym as torture chamber made her love him even more. Gracefully slipping off the counter, she sat on the floor right next to the tub eye level with Hal. Slowly her hand snaked out and started to caress his worn out face. He looked depressed, as though suddenly everything had become too much for him and he was struggling not to shut down. They were just friends; but Steph loved how Hal's eyes immediately snapped shut reveling in the sensation of her touch. He was lonesome and longed for the intimacy of her innocent caresses just as she coveted his. They both benefited from the time spent together snuggling, sharing ice-cream, watching a movie or just listening to music and talking till late into the night. It had been this way back at the Rehab Center and they'd continued the routine in Trenton.

"How about you call Tank and ask for the rest of the day off? You are beat," Steph asked quietly, following the lines of exhaustion on his face with her fingers.

"No, I can't slack off just because I'm hurting. When Bobby gets back I'll have him situate me into the wheelchair and then I'll roll up to five."

Steph frowned about his stubbornness and wondered whether this was how the guys felt about her when she declined their support and help.

"Well, then how about I stay in for the rest of the day and we do searches together?" She tried again.

Steph didn't want Hal to be alone in this frame of mind and since Vince was in Atlanta for a couple days helping with a takedown she selflessly offered her companionship.

"I would love that," he fortunately smiled at her. "I'm sure Les has some contraband hidden in his desk. We could work in my super comfy cubicle while kicking back and having some fun."

This was the side of Hal that Steph wanted to see – not necessarily smiling; but with a tiny spark of life shining through his icy blue eyes even when he's dog tired and in pain. When Bobby came back, Steph stepped out to the living room to give the men some privacy. She had helped Hal to dress at the Rehab Center, easy things like slipping socks and shoes on; but she remembered how hard it had been on him to accept even that little help from her.

"MiLady," Bobby finally came out of Hal's bedroom and bowed with a flourish. "Your chariot and driver await you."

When Steph stepped into the bedroom, she froze and immediately checked for drool. Hal sat in his wheelchair in his closet dressed only in low riding cargoes, the muscles in his arms, back and shoulders flexing as he scanned the shelves for a shirt.

"Hey, you are upright and moving," she gathered her wits and beamed brightly earning her a smile in return.

"Yeah; but I won't leave my wheels for the rest of the day. I'm thoroughly wiped out."

"So what?" Steph stepped next to him, plopped down on his lap and snaked her arms around his narrow waist. "They are your main means of transportation. Remember what the docs said, one step at a time. You've already achieved so much more than they thought you could."

Hal pulled her close and for a moment they silently hugged and drew strength from each other. Steph loved the feeling of his warm skin against her cheek and even without Eau de Toilette his scent was delectable.

"Watcha doing here?" She finally asked looking at the shelf full of black shirts in front of them.

"I don't want to wear black," Hal replied grimacing. "I feel like it sucks the spirit right out of me."

"Then wear something else," she stood up, stepped to the side, extended her arm and with an exaggerated sweep of her hand gestured toward the collection of colorful shirts that had accumulated courtesy of her during Hal's stay in Philly. Grabbing a bottle green one with I KICK ASS printed in yellow, she held it out to him.

"Steph, I can't wear that shirt; that doesn't exactly scream badass. Besides, the uniform is black. Tank will call my crippled ass to the mats when I show up wearing that crime of fashion."

Rolling her eyes, she stepped closer to him and pressed the soft fabric against his well-defined hard chest.

"Seriously Hal? Tank is your friend. He had this apartment built for you, had Hector and Cal paint it in pastels, had Ella and the guys buy light colored furniture, all to help you fight off any depression that might overcome you. Don't you think when you tell him black is depressing you and you need lighter colors, that he will support you? I bet he will; but in case he doesn't," Steph shrugged nonchalantly and grinned, "I'll call him to the mats and leave him in a tangled mess on the floor."

Hal looked at her slender frame and couldn't help but laugh. He stood tall at 6'5" with his hulking upper body brawnier and more muscle-bound than ever. Even with his legs missing their definition and strength of the past, the thought of Steph taking on Tank instead of himself was hilarious.

"Thanks Angel," he pressed a gentle kiss into the palm of her hand, "but I will speak up for myself. No need for you to emasculate Tank. Hand over the shirt that you so love to see on me and I'll get us upstairs to our doom." Steph stuck out her tongue, tossed Hal the shirt and smiled, "Fine, have it your way."

The devoted friendship Steph and Hal shared had long been accepted among the Rangemen; but heaven help the person who voiced an opinion hinting anything on the contrary. Steph would get right in their face and tear them to shreds with a wicked tongue-lashing. So when Hal rolled off the elevator and headed toward his double-wide cubby with Steph on his lap, it was nothing out of the ordinary. Tank wanted Hal to feel comfortable when using 'the wheels'. He had the guys convert two smaller cubicles by the window into a larger one allowing Hal room to move around with ease. In addition, he had given Hal his own printer to spare him the continuous back and forth to the printer room.

Tank had asked Steph to train Hal in doing in-depth searches so she would have backup. The two of them enjoyed spending time together, virtually sniffing out skips and suspects, digging up dirty little secrets and putting the puzzle pieces together so that all the field guys had to do was drive to the estimated whereabouts and pick up the bad guy without putting themselves in too much danger.

Around five the two of them finished up their last search and toasted each other with a bottle of water.

"Come over here," Hal motioned to Steph and pulled her onto his lap as she stood up from her chair. Contently, Steph let her legs dangle over the side of the wheelchair and wiggled herself into a comfortable position against Hal's muscle packed body. He had a huge chest and broad shoulders due to the constant upper body work. It was impossible not to be comfortable in his arms. Content, Hal leaned his head against Steph's and let go of a deep breath. "I'd never have thought to find joy in doing office work; but working with you is really fun," he nuzzled her long curls. "And not because you are entertainment," he added quickly when he felt her tense up.

"Steph," Hal lifted his head and pushed some curls behind her ear so she could see the truth in his eyes. "You need to let go of the stupid lines Ranger fed you in the past. I am not him, the guys here are not him. None of us thinks of you in terms of entertainment. I love you. We all love you. I love working with you because you are constantly giving me the feeling as though I'm one in a million. In your beautiful blue eyes, my worth as an employee and as a man hasn't decreased because I'm handicapped."

"Of course it hasn't," Steph immediately sat up straight and turned to him, her eyes flaring with displeasure. "On the contrary, now that you have opened up to me and we've become friends, I hold you in even higher esteem than I ever thought possible."

"I know, Angel," he pulled her back against his chest and waited for her to relax into his embrace. "All I meant to say was thank you for being you, for being here for me on days like this when I struggle to keep my spirits up. You are the best therapy ever," he pressed a lingering kiss against her temple and breathed in the well-known scent of her shampoo.

"So how about I roll us down and we order us some pizza and watch TV. I think I still have some B&J in the freezer," he laughed at Steph's fervent nodding.


	3. Assaulted And Beaten

**_Disclaimer: All the characters you recognize from the Stephanie Plum books belong to Janet Evanovich._**

**_A/N: This story isn't beta'ed. Any grammar faults or spelling errors are not to be considered flaws or defects but enhance the individual beauty : )_**

**_To the Guest who asked to write faster because he/she doesn't like waiting: Is a chapter every other day okay? : )  
I want to give the readers time to review because I'm living of your praise, your questions, suggestions and even criticism._**

**_Thanks to everybody - here is chapter 3 for your reading pleasure..._**

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**Chapter 3 – Assaulted And Beaten**

**October, a month later, Hal's appartment**

Steph stretched and moaned languorously. The mattress was just the right mix of firm and soft, the pillow was fluffy, the sheets surrounding her counting at least a million threads and she could smell the distinct fragrance of Old Spice. She was in Hal's bed. The bed of all beds. The heaven among beds. Forget about Ranger's bed, Hal's was way better because it came without sexual innuendos, without deals, without confusion. Hal's bed meant comfort, security and affection with no price; really no price.

Hal's been back at Rangeman for a bit more than two months now. Last night, with their stomachs filled with subs and ice cream, he and Steph had fallen asleep in the super comfy recliner while watching TV. When they finally awoke, Steph felt too tired to drive home so she stayed. It wasn't the first time and as all the nights before it had been wonderful. She'd snatched one of Hal's shirts; he'd pulled her up against his chest and drawn lazy circles on her back until she fell asleep in his arms.

Reluctantly Steph popped one eye open and squinted at the digital clock on the bedside table. Nearly lunch time and she was alone; but Hal left a thermos mug with coffee on her bedside table so she could have her first caffeine fix before leaving the heavenly confines of his bed. How could a girl not love this man? While she blissfully sipped at her perfectly prepared caffeinated hot beverage, Steph wondered why Hal hadn't sent a rescue team so far. It's lunch after all. Wait, perhaps he did send one and they got abducted by extraterrestrials on their way down. Steph started to giggle as she imagined her men in black fighting off slimy aliens, Lester with a rocket launcher on his shoulder while Bobby was loading it with electricity balls. By the time Tank entered the scene in tights and some sexy briefs with a flaring cape swung over his shoulders Steph was full out laughing.

"What has you in such a good mood, Angel?" Hal asked from the bedroom door, smiling sitting in his wheelchair.

Steph squealed in surprise, causing Hal to lean forward while treating her to one of his own full-throated belly laughter. It was music in her ears after all the dark months that lay behind them.

"God Hal, make a sound, will ya?" She playfully glared at him with her hand pressed over her heart.

"I made a sound," he tried to catch his breath still guffawing. "It made you jump out of your skin."

Hal rolled over to the bed and in a well-trained procedure transferred himself next to Steph. Pulling her to his chest he started his routine of drawing circles on her back.

"Thanks for letting me sleep in," Steph sighed contently.

"You looked so peaceful and happy I didn't have the heart to wake you," Hal replied with closed eyes.

"You are such a softie."

"Uh-hu. Can't remember you ever complaining," he murmured, loving the feeling of her in his arms.

"Now Hal, I know you want to bestow upon me the gift of your bed. You relinquish it to me and buy a new one for you. Sounds fair, right?"

"Woman, you drive a hard bargain. That is a sweet deal; but...Just with me in it – we're a package deal."

"Damn," Steph sighed making Hal chuckle.

"Angel," he started after a while of companionable silence. "Can I ask you a favor?"

"Anything, you know that," Steph lifted her head so she could look into his eyes. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, really. It's just," Hal hesitated and started to blush. "I talked with MacNamara earlier; that's Rangeman's attorney. He is sending one of his colleagues specializing in family law over tomorrow. Would you keep me company at the meeting? I want to ask Vince, too. I know it's stupid; but I need some moral support."

"Hey," Steph nudged his chin so that he was looking at her. "There's nothing stupid about asking for support. That's what friends are for so of course I will come with you."

"Nothing stupid about asking for support, eh? And that from the woman who would rather die than accept any help let alone ask for it," Hal smiled benignly.

This time it was Steph's turn to blush. "Geez, look at the time. I can't believe how late it is. I really need to get going. Places to see, people to meet," she exclaimed emphasizing her point by some wild hand gestures as she quickly slipped into the bathroom.

"You know, you are really cute when you are found out," Hal hollered laughing in the direction of the closed bathroom door before painfully hoisting himself back into his chair and rolling out of the apartment, to the elevator and up to five. He needed to confirm the appointment with the attorney and then there was some intoxicating monitor duty waiting for him before he would finish the day off in the torture chamber with Bobby. The thought alone made him wince. Sure enough his mobility had further improved since coming back to Trenton; but recently their progress stagnated and it frustrated him. His walking range covered 30 yards now and he got a bit more fluent in his movements; but was still ambling, dragging one foot then the other. He could choose between the wheelchair and the crutches within his apartment or when working on the fifth floor; but changing floors or any further distances was just possible with his wheels.

~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~

**_A couple hours later…_**

Steph was sitting in her lime green rusty and dented Dacia Logan and watched the duplex fifty yards down on the opposite side. Thumbing through the FTE's file for the umpteenth time she couldn't get Hal's words out of her mind about her never asking for help. Mike Kramer was a 6'5" 440 lbs IT specialist charged with indecent behavior. Eeeeeew, the thought alone made her want to hurl. Nothing indicated aggressive behavior but her spidey sense was sounding an alarm just the same. Damn. She had run his search and learned that Kramer was a fat, flabby nerd that apparently didn't know any other way to attract attention than flashing himself. He just recently moved to Trenton, had a police record for indecent behavior from Princeton, no friends, was seldom seen outside his house; but he had two cats on which he doted according to the bills for supreme cat food. She couldn't imagine such a loving pet owner tending to brutality.

"Suck it up," Steph gave herself a pep-talk. "Be nice to him, smile and he will come with you of his own free will."

Grabbing her bag Steph got off her car and started to walk toward Kramer's duplex. The house gave a well-kept impression, the windows were clean, nothing hinted on an unpredictable criminal. Scolding herself and her spidey sense, Steph knocked at the front door and waited for Mike Kramer to open it.

"Yes?" A groomed, shaved huge man in sweats and wife-beater answered the door.

"Mr. Kramer? My name is Stephanie Plum. I have to inform you that you missed your court date and I would like to take you down to the station to reschedule."

"I missed it?" Kramer looked believably confused. "Please, come in. I'll put on some clothes and we can go," he answered pleasantly while stepping inside and opening the door wide for Steph to enter.

The moment the door closed behind her, Steph knew she was in trouble. Her hand rushed down into her bag; but before she could find the pepper spray or stun gun, Kramer smashed her head first into the wall. Colorful flashes started to cloud her vision as she slid down the wall.

"I know you," Steph heard Kramer's venomous voice close to her ear while she felt his spit hitting her skin. "You are that Bombshell Bounty Hunter everybody is talking about."

With a single move he hoisted her up and shoved her front first against the wall.

"Did you really think you could turn up at my door Barbie style and look at me with those stupid huge blue eyes and I would follow you like a love-sick puppy?" He pulled Steph back and smashed her forward again. "You bitches are all the same," another pull back and smash forward.

Steph was fighting hard not to lose consciousness. Her eyesight was getting black with jubilant stars and flashes lighting the darkness. Kramer's voice never got loud, and was always close to her ears making Steph scared. Under the clean and groomed exterior resided an insane man and she was alone with him with no hope for rescue. Steph felt herself being hurled around, heard the bashing spit at her in the bottomless nothing she was hovering in and then the beating started. Kramer's fist connected with the side of her face, catapulting her head around. A second, a third hit. Steph tasted blood in her mouth and running down her throat. Then the beating moved southward; four or five brutal hits to her ribs and stomach. Suddenly she was floating, or so she thought, until her body hit the floor. Shoes were kicking her, two or three times, then blissful silence. Steph felt something warm running down her face, probably more blood. Cautiously she tried to open her eyes; but they wouldn't obey her wishes. She heard shoes moving around, a key taken from hard surface. Suddenly Kramer grabbed a handful of hair and brutally yanked Steph's head back.

"I'm going out for some business now. You better be gone when I come back and don't you dare to ever show your Barbie face here again. The next time I won't be so kind on you."

He let her hair go and with a dull thump Steph's head fell back onto the floor causing the darkness to take over.

When she came around the house was silent. No hint that Kramer was back. Trying again to open her eyes she could first make them flutter and then successfully pry them open; but her sight was bleary. Moaning Steph lifted one of her hands to her face and it was caked with what must be blood. Her body hurt; but she needed to move.

Suck it up, Steph, you need to get outta here.

Bravely she tried to pull herself into a fetal position to finally push her weight onto her knees; but the moment her upper body bent a grueling pain took her breath away and tears started to mix with the blood on her cheek. Whimpering Steph let her body relax. She was in trouble. Kramer could come back any minute and she couldn't move to get out of his house. In addition to all the pain she now started to feel nauseated and the darkness was closing in again.

"You need help," a voice in her head screamed. "Call Hal, now!"

Scratching up the last remains of her energy Steph moved the hand from her face back to her belt where her cell phone was clipped on. She could barely see the outlines of the smartphone as she pulled it close to her eyes. Half unconscious she managed to touch speed dial one and waited for the familiar voice to come on the line.

"Hal?" Steph croaked barely audible. "Kramer. Help. Fast." Then unconsciousness pulled her under again.

~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~

The truck had barely stopped when Hal threw the door open, used his hands to throw his legs out of the car and started to slide down the passenger seat.

"Shit. Damn, Hal, wait on me," Vince cussed toward his best friend.

Scrambling he undid his seat-belt, jumped out of the rick and rushed around the front just in time to keep a wobbling Hal from planting his face unto the cement.

"You won't help her by getting yourself into the hospital," Vince growled as he stabilized him.

"Let me fucking go," Hal yanked his arm out of Vince's grip. "She needs me. I need to get to her."

Vince had parked behind the three other Rangeman trucks in front of Kramer's house. Inside they could hear Steph shouting; she sounded scared and desperate. With wild focus in his eyes Hal hastily hobbled, staggered and stumbled with his crutches toward the house with Vince right beside him, helping to balance him every few steps. The view in front of them made their hearts stutter. Inside Ram, Cal, Lester, Binkie and Zip were standing around Steph who cowered against a wall. She looked bad; her face swollen, bruised and blood caked. There was an angry wound at her forehead that was still slowly seeping and what could be seen from the eye below the wound was demonical red. The Rangemen's faces were hard and unrelenting, their stance aggressive, hands at her hips, tension radiating from them. Bobby desperately wanted to examine Steph; but every time he tried to touch her she jerked away from him, shouting he should let her alone and she just wanted to go home. Hal grabbed for Vince to steady himself as a flood of emotions rushed through him. Steph was with her back to the wall, his friends and colleagues closing in on her. She was scared; Hal could see it in her eyes. He didn't understand why since the men were her friends and they wanted to know she was fine before hunting down the scum responsible for her injuries. But whatever the reason for her fear was, seeing her like this hooked something deep in Hal and let the beast in him free.

"Get the fuck away from her," he thundered, making all the men jump and immediately retreat. Hal was a former SEAL and there was a quality to his voice they just knew from combat and that meant nothing good for those who disobeyed. "What the fuck are you thinking," Hal kept ranting while staggering toward Steph. "Can't you see that she's scared and you are just making it worse?"

"She needs to be taken to a hospital, now; but she's fighting me," Bobby had stood up to block Hal's way and whispered to him.

"Let go of me," Hal growled menacingly without ever leaving Steph's eyes. Something was wrong with his angel and he needed to find out what it was. "Everybody out and I mean everybody," he glared at Bobby.

When they were eventually alone, Hal painfully worked his way down the wall to sit next to Steph. Cautiously he laid his right arm around her shoulders gently tucking her closer while his left hand rubbed her arms that were hugging herself. Now with him at her side Steph finally felt safe and the Adrenalin started to leave her body. It took her exactly five deep breaths before she trembled and started to cry.

"Hush, Angel. It's over. I'm here now," he held her tight and caressed her neck while she cried on his chest.

"I'm worried," Hal heard Bobby's voice just outside the door. "She needs to get to a hospital, fast. Her eyes are unfocused and the head wound is still bleeding."

"I know man," came Vince calm reply. "Let Hal take care of her. You know how deep their bond is. If anybody can get through to her, it's him. You know that."

A few minutes later Hal felt Steph relax in his arm and her tears subside. They didn't need to talk to communicate. As amazing as it still felt to him; but without speaking a word he knew exactly what was going on with her. Cautiously he pulled back just enough to see her face.

"You ready to go to the hospital now?"

His hand that had formerly caressed her neck now wiped the tear and blood mix away from her cheeks.

"Will you stay with me?" Steph tried to focus her eyes on Hal's face without success.

"Every second of every minute of every hour they keep you, Angel. Promised."


	4. Friends

**_Disclaimer: All the characters you recognize from the Stephanie Plum books belong to Janet Evanovich._**

**_A/N: This story isn't beta'ed. Any grammar faults or spelling errors are not to be considered flaws or defects but enhance the individual beauty : )_**

**_Many new followers and favorites... Welcome everybody. I'm happy you find this story worth reading._**

**_Now settle down for chapter 4 and be prepared to get all mushy inside : )_**

* * *

**Chapter 4 - Friends**

**A few hours later, St. Francis Hospital**

The first thing Steph realized when she woke up was the big warm hand holding hers and a thumb gently stroking the knuckles. The next thing was the smell – definitely hospital; but there was no annoying beeping heart monitor.

"I told them to mute it," she heard Hal's warm rich baritone to her right.

Steph couldn't help the smile tugging at her lips. "Out loud?"

"Nope," Hal gently caressed her cheek. "Perfected ESP," she could hear the smile in his voice and heard Vince' raspy trademark chuckle somewhere at the end of her bed.

"Shit, the two of you should go to Letterman. That's freaky."

Definitely Lester's voice to her left and where Lester was Bobby wasn't far behind.

"Hey honey," Steph heard her favorite medic a second later. Seemed her favorites were all in attendance, just Cal and Ram missing.

"They are outside the door on guard; wouldn't let anyone else do the job," Hal squeezed her hand.

"How are you doing that?" Lester sounded perplexed. "I watched her. She made no sound, didn't move her face."

"We are esp'ing, idiot. And now stop talking as if Steph isn't in the room. She hates that," Hal never took his eyes from Steph.

This time it was Steph who squeezed Hal's hand. He knew her so well.

"Honey," Bobby again, closer to her head now, "can you open your eyes for me? You had us so scared; we need to see your baby blues to feel better again."

Sighing, Steph concentrated and finally got her eyes open just to instantly slam them shut again. The glistening light had sent an iron hot stab right into her brain.

"Les, dim down the light," she heard Bobby saying into the room. The next moment the world outside her lids became visibly darker. "OK sweetie, the light is down. Try it again, please."

This time Steph could keep her eyes open. Her sight was still bleary; but way better than at Kramer's house. Bobby was bent over her and directly behind him she could see Les waggling his eyebrows and Vince sat at the foot of her bed; but she wanted to see Hal. Turning her head to her right her eyes finally found him and immediately she felt calmer. Hal was smiling at her; but there was a strained quality to his eyes as he was sitting in his wheelchair, his crutches nowhere in sight.

"Hey," she murmured weakly, holding his hand like it was her lifeline. "What's wrong?"

Hal had the decency to blush as he looked down to the floor and sheepishly admitted, "let's say I got a bit agitated earlier," making Lester snort.

"Agitated?" Les laughed in his good-natured way. "Your bestie over there went all caveman on us, ranting and stomping and staggering around, and of course he didn't say a single word when his strength was leaving him until his legs bid him goodbye. You two are really a match made in heaven when it comes to stubbornness and false pride," he smiled making Steph blush in sync with Hal.

"See," Lester chuckled, "just what I meant."

Trying to roll her eyes Steph grimaced in pain when a stabbing headache hit her. "What's the damage, Bobby?" She whispered with her eyes closed as soon as she could think straight again.

"You went unconscious on the ride here. The docs diagnosed a grade three concussion, honey, granting you a day or two at the ICU," Steph felt Bobby caress her face while he was talking. "Then I will try to spring you; but there's a good chance that they will want you to stay for another day. Beside the concussion the hits to your face ruptured several vessels in your eyeball causing your bleary sight. There was a wound at your forehead that needed to be stitched; you lost three teeth; your nose is broken; you bit your cheek and tongue quite badly and there's lots of bruising on your face going on. Then several ribs are severely bruised; but luckily not broken and there's some heavy bruising at your abdomen; but again luckily no internal bleeding. You will feel beat for a while; but no permanent damage."

"What about the stitches," Steph mumbled, fatigue quickly taking over. "Will there be a scar?"

When Bobby stayed silent and Hal squeezed her hand, Steph knew the answer.

"Hey," it was the first time Vince spoke up. He had a gruff voice that combined with his roughly handsome face made him a likewise appealing and intimidating man. "Don't even start that line of thinking. I may not have Hal's ESP when it comes to you; but after all these months of us getting closer I know you well enough," he started to rub her leg where he was sitting on her bed. "First of all we don't know exactly whether there'll be scarring or not. But should a scar remain it will be your choice whether you let that mark make you a victim or whether you look at it as proof that you are a survivor. I, personally, don't think that there's a single cell in your body that would like to be victimized. They are all way too stubborn and thirsty for life," he smiled.

Vince wasn't a man of much words and Steph had learned when he opened his mouth it was always worth listening so she smiled as sign that she understood before sleep finally claimed her again.

~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~

The next time Steph woke up, the light was still dimmed and it was dark outside. A nurse was checking the monitors around her and smiled friendly when she realized that Steph had opened her eyes.

"Sorry; but I have to wake you every two hours to make sure you are OK," she whispered.

Steph nodded and looked around the room. The guys were gone; but Hal was still at her side, slumped in his wheelchair obviously deep asleep.

"Your boyfriend is a real lovey," the nurse spoke up again. "We told him to leave, to go back to the comfort of his home; but he was adamant to stay; said he had promised it to you."

"He's not my boyfriend," Steph wanted to correct her; but the nurse was already gone.

Watching Hal, Steph rejoiced at how peaceful he looked in his sleep. There had been times, back at the hospital and later at the Rehab Center in Philadelphia, where fitful and restless attempts to sleep were all too common. It had pained her to watch all his muscles tense often causing him to wake up cramping because some dream had him in a wretched grasp. They'd come a long way since then and Steph couldn't help herself but feel remorse for causing him to worry again. Stroking the hand that still lay in hers Hal immediately snapped awake, scanning the room for any threat. His legs may have lost their power; but he'd always be a guardian and protector to the core.

"Hey Angel," he rumbled in that deep sexy sleepy voice he always had when freshly awake and smiled at her.

"Hey right back at ya. What are you doing here? You should go home, Hal," Steph couldn't help the tender quality to her voice as she continued to stroke his hand. "You get all cramped up in that wheelchair."

"I promised you to stay and I will. Besides I couldn't leave you if I wanted. This day was hell on me and I need to see you to be sure you are OK." Hal turned his chair and rolled as close to Steph's bed as possible. Pressing his lips together at the pain in his back as he leaned forward, he lifted her hand and placed his cheek into her palm. Like an automated response his eyes shut and he felt the warmth of her palm seeping into his skin. It was balm to his struggling mind.

"I totally freaked when you called me earlier," he eventually started to talk quietly. "I jumped out of my wheelchair just to lose my balance and fall on my knees. Brett wanted to help me up; but I shouted at him to let me go. Instead of getting back into the wheelchair I grabbed my crutches and dragged myself all the way to your cubicle. The guys were all around me asking what was wrong; but I couldn't care for them. The moment I heard you on the phone something snapped in me. My only focus was to find Kramer's address and get to you."

"Isn't that silly and pathetic?" Hal said bitterly. "The cripple going all superhero." He took a shuddering breath and continued. "I didn't remember for a second to check your trackers. All I could think about was getting your log-book where you jot down the skips you've done searches on. At one point I must have shouted that you are in danger because somewhere in the background I heard Lester call to pull up your tracker and the guys gearing up while I was still frantically searching that damn log-book. I was ripping your desk drawers open, dumping everything on the floor; but the fucking book wasn't there. Eventually, Vince had to restrain me to get me to listen. As I calmed down the men were all long gone and I was lying on the floor weeping like a baby.

As if that wasn't mortifying enough, on our way down to the garage I stumbled and successfully face-planted. Vince helped me up without a word; but it was so humiliating. Then at Kramer's I went all caveman on the guys because they were scaring you and then while you were transported away and Vince and I walked over to the truck another fucking face-plant," he fell silent. "I was running on pure undiluted Adrenaline, not realizing how long I'd been up on my feet, and when I was pacing the waiting room with my crutches my legs finally gave out under me and Tank needed to pick me up and carry me over to a chair until somebody brought my wheels from Rangeman," he whispered with an embarrassed blush to his face. "Before we left Rangeman, after I'd calmed down, Vince wanted me to get my wheelchair; but I urged him on, didn't allow him to go back to my cubicle. I was such an idiot. I totally overstrained myself and my knees are so badly bruised and swollen that it will take weeks for them to recuperate and me to walk again."

Hal opened his eyes and Steph's breath stocked when she saw the single tear running down his cheek.

"But all that means nothing to me in comparison to the possibility of losing you," he took a shuddering breath and placed a tender kiss into Steph's palm. "We are friends, Steph, best friends. Vince is the best buddy you can wish for and yes, we talk and are close to each other; but it's not the same as with you. You take one look at me and know how I feel. I can talk to you about absolutely everything. You know exactly how to pick me up and brush me off when I'm down. You let me hold on to you when I feel like I'm losing myself. Don't think I've forgotten all the times I cried on you; vented, ranted and shouted at you; but you stuck to me. You've become my lifeline, Steph and I wouldn't know how to go on should something happen to you."

Steph gulped and rubbed her misty eyes. She was somebody's lifeline? The thought was mind-boggling. Yes, the past months the Merry Men and Hal especially had opened up to her. They let her see behind their blank faces and now she called them true friends and brothers; but nonetheless she was sure that each of them could easily live without her, including Hal. He was by far the most wonderful man she knew, so different from Ranger and Morelli, and spending time with him was sweet, safe, fun and incredibly relaxing. She treasured the friendship to him more than anything; but didn't ever expect him to reciprocate this feeling.

"One day, Angel, you will look into the mirror and see the amazing woman the guys and I see when we look at you, I promise."

Even at the end of his rope and half asleep his ESP was working perfectly. Steph found Hal's eyes and saw the sincerity behind his words and it made her walls crumble.

"Do you think you could get up here and hold me for a while?" She whispered unsure of herself.

The beam that spread over Hal's face was all the answer she needed. As cautiously as he could he transferred himself into the small hospital bed and after a lot of pained grunting from both of them they were finally comfortably spooned up together.

"Just for future reference," he whispered as Steph drifted off into slumber. "Holding you in my arms is the best way to sleep ever."

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_**A/N: This was a rather small chapter so the moment it got ten reviews I will post the next. Hurry up and you could even get another one today :)  
**_


	5. Realizations

**_Disclaimer: All the characters you recognize from the Stephanie Plum books belong to Janet Evanovich._**

**_A/N: This story isn't beta'ed. Any grammar faults or spelling errors are not to be considered flaws or defects but enhance the individual beauty : )_**

**_And here it is - the next chapter within a few hours. Thanks to everybody for your quick reviews. You rock!_**

**_ Now what? This is an even shorter chapter... I'd say we play the game again. The moment I hit 44 reviews I will post the next chapter._**

**_Take care everybody - you make me happy.  
_**

* * *

**Chapter 5 - Realizations**

**St. Francis Hospital, two days later**

Hal and Steph were comfortably snuggled up on her hospital bed and watching a re-run of their favorite comic series 'Chip'n Dale, the Rescue Rangers' as the shrill voice of Steph's mother could be heard in the hall outside. The next second the door burst open and Mrs. Plum stomped into the room.

"Stephanie Michelle Plum, can you tell me why I have to hear from Mrs. Petroni at Giovanni's that my daughter is lying in hospital after some criminal beat her up? Do you know how embarrassing it was when she asked me how you were healing and I didn't even know something was wrong?" She laid into Steph without even greeting her, let alone asking how she felt.

"Sorry," Hal could feel Steph shrink next to him. "I was in the ICU until this morning. I didn't mean to worry you; I just forgot to tell someone to call you with everything that was going on."

"Oh, of course, you forgot," the volume of Mrs. Plum's voice ratcheted up another notch. "We're just your family after all. Don't you think that we worry about you?"

Hal could see Steph becoming pale and her brow crease as though she was in pain.

"Mrs. Plum," he interrupted politely. "Could you perhaps lower your voice? Stephanie has a bad concussion. Her head's hurting. And as you can see she has other injuries, too. A bit more compassion toward your daughter would go a long way here," he stood up for his friend.

The older woman in front of him looked at him dismissive.

"You are one of them, right?" She pointed toward the door where Binkie and Brett were standing guard.

"Yes, ma'am, I'm an employee with Rangeman LLC," Hal answered, ignoring the deprecation in her tone.

"Then I demand that you immediately get out of my daughter's bed and leave me alone with her," Mrs. Plum's eyes stared into him.

Hal was unfazed by her hostile behavior; but he wondered what Steph wanted him to do. Looking down at her snuggling even closer against him, he doubted that she wanted to be left alone with her mother.

"Angel," he gently squeezed her. "Do you want me to leave you alone with your mother?"

"Of course that's what she wants," Mrs. Plum interrupted harshly obviously getting impatient.

"Angel?" He asked Steph again.

When she looked up at him the sadness and hurt in her eyes tore at his heart. He didn't want to go.

"You don't have to stay here with me," she replied, not answering his question.

Hal could feel the battle in her between wanting him to stay and wanting to be left alone.

"How about I roll down to the cafeteria and get us some sweets? That way you can have some alone time with your mother before I come back."

Seeing agreement in her eyes, Hal hoisted his legs over the edge of the bed and a bit clumsy moved himself over into his wheelchair.

"Be back soon, Angel," Hal winked at Steph as he rolled around the bed and toward the door.

It hadn't completely closed when Hal, Binkie and Brett could hear Mrs. Plum continue.

"That man has no business being in your bed. He's a thug. What do you think people will say about that? Do you realize how embarrassing your behavior is? And don't let me start on you being selfish. You never think about what your action means for us, your family. You always just think about yourself. Why me? How do you think god will feel about your egoism?"

Outside the door Hal clenched his jaw that it felt as though his teeth would crumble any second.

"Calm down, man," he felt Brett's hand on his shoulder. "It wouldn't go over well when you kill her – not with the police and surely neither with Steph."

Taking some cleansing breaths, Hal started to roll toward the elevator.

"Be back in ten. Should it get out of hand kick her out," he hollered over his shoulder.

~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~

"Steph?"

Hal rolled into the room and was looking at her back. Binkie and Brett had told him that Mrs. Plum had left shortly after him. They had checked on Steph; but she had sent them away. Now Hal could see her shoulder's twitch with silent sobs. When she didn't react, he silently put the tray with their cake and sweets on the table near the window and rolled up to her face.

"Oh Angel," he sighed and tenderly wiped away the tears; but it was futile. He barely had some of them removed when new ones sprung out of her eyes. "Come on, slide over so I can get up to you."

Once he was up in the bed and able to hold her tight against his chest, Steph started to cry in earnest. Loud, gut-wrenching sobs filled the room, causing Brett to silently open the door and check on them. When Hal shook his head no, Brett pulled his head back and closed the door, giving them privacy. Steph's body shook in his arms and it broke Hal's heart. He fought hard against it, didn't want to jeopardize their friendship; but his feelings for her were changing and his beast was pacing in its cage hoping for a chance to turn on Steph's mother. It took a long time until the tears ran dry; but finally Hal felt Steph relax in his arms.

"Sorry for crying on you again," he heard her small voice.

"Angel," Hal pulled back and started to wipe the tears away, brushing her wild curls out of her face in the process. "Don't you ever apologize for crying on me. I hope you will always turn to me when you feel sad, hopeless or hurt. I envy you women for your ability to let go of your emotions and just cry your pain out of your body. Who knows whether I would be in this condition," Hal pointed at the wheelchair, "had I been able to break down and cry. I bottled everything up until my will to live broke."

Looking at it from that perspective Steph didn't feel as bad about her break down anymore. Hal had a way to make her feel good about herself, as though she was OK the way she was. Morelli never liked her the way she was, he'd always wanted to change her. Ranger supported her, unconditionally; but often she also got the impression that she amused him. How often had his lips quirked up and he had babe'ed her, leaving her wondering what the hell was going on in his mind. Hal wasn't hiding his feelings, questions or musings from her. He was real and strong, like a rock for her to lean on.

"Steph," his voice brought her out of her reverie. "Why do you let her treat you like that?"

He felt her shivering in his arms so he pulled the blanket up over her shoulders and started to rub the goosebumps on her arm away. Just when he thought she wouldn't answer him, Steph started to speak hesitantly.

"I've never thought about it; but I guess it's because I want to be loved. My mind simply can't accept that she doesn't love me. I mean, I'm sure she loves me; but she doesn't like me. I feel like if I just try a little more, a little harder, then some day she will see what a good person I am, will see the worth in me and she will finally like and love me the way I am," Steph took a shuddering breath. "And I'm scared of being alone. They are the only family I have. A family that treats you poorly is better than no family at all."

"Oh Steph," Hal pulled her tight against his chest and pressed a couple lingering kisses on her forehead. "Are you aware that you feel the same way about your family as I felt about mine? I've always ran after my father's love, took every baseness sent my way in stride and tried and tried and tried until there was no fight left in me. And the worst thing about that whole mess was that deep down I believed they were right, that I was indeed dumb and worthless, leading to me marrying a woman who treated me as badly as my own family did because that was obviously what I deserved. Do you remember what that very special curly haired blue eyed friend told me that one night in Rehab when I hit my lowest point?"

He felt Steph nod against his chest.

"Just think about it, OK?"

Again Steph nodded and he felt her press a friendly kiss on his shirt covered pec. His heart was hurting for her. He knew the place she was in like the back of his hand and he knew firsthand what darkness it could lead to. As he felt Steph go limp in his arms as exhaustion claimed her Hal remembered that precious time with Harvey and the scene at the cemetery. Steph had been a different woman. The spark in her eyes was still there; but she was broken in other ways. He wouldn't allow that to happen.

Two days later Steph was finally released into Bobby's care and had agreed to stay at Hal's place for a few more days. They hadn't talked again about the topic of her mother; but his words that afternoon lingered in the back of her mind and Steph felt troubled. For the first time she didn't yearn to be alone in her apartment but feel the safety Hal's presence brought.


	6. The Book

**_Disclaimer: All the characters you recognize from the Stephanie Plum books belong to Janet Evanovich._**

**_A/N: This story isn't beta'ed. Any grammar faults or spelling errors are not to be considered flaws or defects but enhance the individual beauty : )_**

**_Hi everybody, after I spoiled you yesterday with two chapters and today another one I'll go back to my original scheme of a chap every other day. I wish you a happy new year and see you back on Wednesday._**

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**Chapter 6 – The book**

**End of October**

A week later Steph decided it was past due to get back to her apartment. She didn't want to go. The time with Hal had been like an energy booster to her zest for life; but she couldn't depend on him like that. She had to gain her control back so it wouldn't crush her when he finally realized that he didn't need her anymore. Deep down she couldn't believe that Hal would push her away; but her insecurities had been ingrained into her since childhood. They were a powerful opponent. Therefore, this morning with a heavy heart she packed up her stuff and brought it down to her Dacia Logan before going back up to five for a day of searches and monitor duty. Bobby still hadn't cleared her for field work and Steph was thankful that Tank had offered to stock up her office hours.

The moment she stepped off the elevator her spidey sense sounded the alarm. Not that she expected to be assaulted any second; but something was definitely off. The hall was eerily quiet, no chatter could be heard from the cubicles or break room, none of the merry men were moving around.

"All right guys, anybody wants to tell me what's going on?" She hollered loud enough to be heard on the entire floor.

Tank's head appeared in the doorway to his office. He saw Steph, grinned and pulled back closing the door behind him. Suspicious, Steph looked through the glass walls into the monitor room. Zip and Zero were on duty and way too concentrated on the monitors in front of them. Walking straight over, she clamped her hands around their necks and dug her fingernails into the soft flesh. Instantly they pulled their shoulders up and grimaced; but kept staring ahead at the monitors without saying a word. Deciding this would get her nowhere, Steph started toward the cubicles. She noticed a whole lot of the men seemed to be in-house this morning.

Steph was about to ditch her shoulder bag in her cubicle before starting her interrogations when her eyes fell on her desk. The keyboard had been removed and in its place lay an extra-large tastycake on a plate with a burning candle on top. To its right was a beautiful bouquet of Stargazer lilies and to its left lay a wrapped present the size of a book. Steph was speechless. Turning around she could see several heads quickly vanish behind their respective partitions causing her to blush and smile at the same time. Apparently the guys were behind this. With a huge grin on her face she sat down and marveled at the flowers before making a wish and blowing out the candle. A fork had been placed in front of her telephone and Steph couldn't resist trying a bite of the chocolaty goodness. The moan that left her throat was award-winning; but before she could help herself to a second bite curiosity won over and she tore the wrapping paper away indeed revealing a picture book.

The cover showed a drool-worthy picture of all her merry men on the roof of the building with Trenton's skyline at sundown as background. They grinned into the camera, just dressed in low riding cargoes, showing off their six and eight-pack abs, built chests and arms. Below the picture was printed

**_It doesn't need blood ties to be family._**

Steph was at a loss for words. With shaking hands she opened the book and from there on felt like in a daze. There were tons of pictures, some of them taken with high-resolution cameras others obviously from security feeds. All of them showed her with the guys here in the office, on surveillance, at distractions and at their one day off at Point Pleasant last month. They were beautiful pictures; laughing and smiling happy faces, her playing pool and Beachball with them, at a takedown in full SWAT gear, snuggled next to them at different degrees of consciousness, one even showed her and Hal before his accident dancing close together, their eyes shut, after a distraction. They both looked peaceful and content. It was great; but what started the tears were the pages in between. Each of them represented one of the guys; most of them showing him at his favorite pastime. There was Tank with his kittens, Ram at the range, Lester and Hector with their old Ford Mustangs, Brett and Woody with their horses, Vince carving wood, Bobby in the kitchen, Cal doing a spray job on a car and so on. Each man had written a very personal dedication below his picture detailing exactly why they loved her. When Steph reached the last page her face was so drowned in tears that she could barely see anymore. It showed Hal in his wheelchair with her on his lap while he cruised them through the office. The picture was gorgeous, both of them laughing and carefree. Steph remembered that day three weeks ago. A professional had been in the office, making photographs of the guys for their personal records. Hal and she weren't aware he was taking pictures of them till they nearly knocked him over. Below the picture stood in Hal's neat handwriting:

_Sometimes we find a friend and we sense that our souls are connected beyond normal friendship. They change your life by being part of it, make you laugh and forget about your troubles, make you believe in yourself and your future. And without a doubt we know that this connection is above time and space, that wherever we are in our lives we will always remain friends. This is what they call true soul mates. This is what I feel with you, my angel._

Steph desperately tried not to start sobbing. How sweet was that? She couldn't remember ever getting something as heartfelt as this from her biological family. Her mother baked her cake, sometimes cooked her favorite and at Christmas her father hugged her; but that was it. In contrast, these emotionally withdrawn men had dug deep into themselves to open up and give her this photo book. And the things they'd written. Steph tried to suppress the sob that had built up in her; but to no avail. In the silence surrounding her it seemed to echo from the walls. Suddenly her phone ringed causing her to jump in her seat. The display showed Hal's extension so Steph just lifted the receiver to her ear and sniffed.

"Hey Angel," his comforting deep voice came through the line.

Another sniff.

"My ESP tells me you could be a bit overwhelmed and wondering how to react."

Hal heard a shuddering breath and another sniff at the other end of the line.

"How about you go over to each of them, hug them and simply say thank you?"

"OK," Hal heard Steph croak with another shuddering breath. He could feel how she was desperately trying to pull herself together.

This present had really pulled the rug out from under her and he hoped it wasn't too much. All he had told the guys was that Steph still had trouble to believe she would mean something more to them than being their colleague. Never had he expected them to come up with something like this. Steph's tour through the cubicles nearly took two hours; each of the men enjoying holding and quietly talking to her for a few precious minutes. When she finally arrived at Hal as last in line, she snuggled on his lap and without saying a word held him as tight as she could.

"Did you tell them to do this?" She finally asked him, losing the hold on him slightly so they'd be more comfortable.

"No, Angel, never. After the incident with Kramer they were all in the hospital worried shitless; but most of all they were crushed that you apparently were scared of them. They asked me what they could do to elevate that fear and make you feel better and I told them that you still had trouble believing you meant something more to them than being a colleague. It was all I could come up with at that time cuz I was so freaked out myself. I didn't know they were doing anything at all until they came to me yesterday to write my dedication onto my personal page. I think Cal, Vince and Hector were the creative minds behind this."

He felt Steph nod against his neck and started to rub soothing circles at her back.

"I love the picture they've chosen of the two of us. It's beautiful. I'd like to have a print framed for my apartment," Hal nuzzled her curls and 'accidentally' skimmed her neck with his lips.

"Yeah, me too," Steph squeezed him. Taking a last cleansing breath she straightened up and pressed a peck onto his cheek. "Be right back."

Hal longingly looked after her as she vanished down the walkway between the cubicles. What was she up to? A minute later Steph's voice sounded over the intercom.

"Hey guys. Hal just told me how crushed you were about my behavior at Kramer's. Listen, I'm so, so sorry about that. You are really the last people on earth I am afraid of; but at that moment… You all looked so furious and instead of realizing that your fury was pointed at Kramer I thought it was directed at me. Aside from being beaten down all I could think of was that once more I'd been inapt, that once more you needed to rush to my rescue. I felt like the biggest failure on earth and then I saw you with your grim or blank faces, hands at your hips, radiating anger while closing in on me. I was convinced that you were angry at me. I don't know how I could ever think that. I apologize to each one of you," Steph took a deep breath.

"While I was at the hospital Hal helped me realize that I have some self-esteem issues that obviously need to be addressed. This photo book will go a long way in showing me that I am indeed loved and loveable, again thanks so much for that. I will treasure it like nothing else and I hope you'll continue to be as patient with me as you've been so far while I try to change some things about me."

~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~

That evening Steph sat outside her bedroom window on the fire escape, an empty bottle of beer in her hand, and was reflecting on the day as a black Ford Expedition pulled into the parking lot below her. Of course whoever it was found a space right in front of the entrance. Steph rolled her eyes and then smiled as Tank's huge frame peeled out of the truck and scanned the lot before waving up to her. Always aware of their surroundings, something she really needed to learn.

"Hey big guy, what are you doing here?" She called down to him.

"Thought we could share this," he held up a six pack of beer, "while chatting a bit."

Steph couldn't help but grin at the sight of the fresh beverage. "Hurry and bring those babies up then," she hollered back making Tank laugh out loud.

"Hey little girl," He groaned as he squeezed his bulky body through her small bedroom window.

"This fire escape is definitely too small for you," Steph laughed at the sight of him crammed up next to her on the small platform, his feet dangling through the bannister. "So, what do you wanna chat about big guy?" She bumped shoulders with him. The evening sun was pleasurable warm and she was in a good mood.

"You," he laid his arm around her shoulder, pulled her close and pressed a kiss into her curls. "You, your plans, your future; the normal evening chatter," Tank chuckled. "But seriously, your speech over the intercom earlier was moving. Half a year ago that wouldn't have been possible for you; you would have run at the prospect of speaking up in front of all the guys. You've already changed a lot and I have a feeling that Hal has played an important part in that."

"Yeah, he's great," Steph snuggled herself close against the warm body next to her. Tank meant safety in an uncle kinda way and she enjoyed their shared moments a lot. "I can't imagine a better friend."

Tank and she had a special bond ever since things went down with Hal and she insisted on staying with him 24/7. She hadn't been aware that Hal meant so much to Tank until he told her one night over a beer that he'd been Hal's drill sergeant. He saw the promise in Hal when everybody else was bullying him and ever since then Tank looked out for him, even after Hal decided to apply for the SEALs instead for Ranger School. After Hal's attempted suicide Tank was crushed and full of self-reproaches. He saw it as a failure on his side and that he hadn't been aware of what was going on. Back then, Steph put his head straight and when she was shattered after her fight with Ranger, Tank picked up the pieces and helped her through that bad time.

"Do you already have a plan how to address your self-esteem issues?" Tank finally spoke into the comfortable silence that had descended over them while they enjoyed their beers.

Steph shook her head no. "When I was at the hospital, after my mother visited, Hal asked me why I'd let her treat me like that. I realized that, like a kid, I run after her giving up hope that perhaps one day, if I try just hard enough, she would see my worth and like me the way I am. I realized that I rather let them treat me badly than push them away andhave no family at all. Seriously fucked up, isn't it?"

"No," Tank shook his head and pulled her even closer into his side. "Yearning to be loved is human; it's a basic need every one of us carries deep in their heart. Did you talk to Hal about this?"

"Yeah, he made me realize that we share similar experiences regarding our families and he made me remember what I told him at the ReHab Center when he hit his lowest point. You remember that night?"

"Sure, that's something I'll never forget in my whole life. We thought he was over the worst and then that night at two A.M. I get that call from you to come immediately, that Hal was back to trying to commit suicide," Tank fell silent for a while. "I imagine that look into the mirror didn't come easy to you," he squeezed her gently.

"No," Steph took another pull from her bottle. "Surely not; but it got the wheels in my head turning. I have to start seeing myself as worthy and not constantly as inapt and a failure. And I have to free myself from the power my mother has over me and that probably means having to accept that she will never appreciate the person I am," Steph sighed. "I just wish I knew how."

"Hey, you can manage that, little girl. I have absolute faith in you and I know that the guys will be at your side every step of the way. They love you."

"I'm starting to realize that," Steph smiled radiantly as she thought of the picture book on the coffee table in her living room.

"You should talk with Hal about all that. He's been where you are. There's no one better suited to give you helpful advice."

"I will talk to him, I promise. I just wanted to give him a bit room to breathe after constantly babysitting me."

That comment made Tank freeze. In one swift movement his arm around Steph's shoulder was gone and he pulled her onto his lap.

"Steph, you need to immediately stop thinking like that," he said, his voice laced with seriousness. "I know what Hal wrote to you in the book. He loves you. You mean more to him than anybody else. What you just said would hurt him deeply because it means that you don't believe what he wrote."

"No," Steph nearly jumped from his lap, appalled. "I believe him. That just slipped out. Tank, I can't change my thinking from one day to the other."

Taking a deep breath, Tank's shoulders slumped and he put her back next to him tugging her into his side.

"I know. Sorry, I just got worried about Hal," he sighed. "He needs you as much as you need him. The two of you are good for each other. He will never treat you the way Morelli and Ranger have always done."

After that they both fell silent until the roaring of a pimped Navigator made them both look up. Under their incredulous looks a black Navigator and another black Expedition rolled onto the parking lot of course finding perfect spaces. Before Tank and Steph could find their voices Zero, Zip, Ram and Cal jumped out of the Navigator followed by Lester, Bobby and Vince out of the Expedition, the latter helping Hal out of the backseat while Bobby grabbed the wheels from the trunk. Steph couldn't help the beam on her face when she saw Hal.

"Guess your family has arrived," Tank smiled at her obvious joy.

"Come on, Tank. Let's greet them and then the party can get started," Steph was bouncing with excitement.

"No, little girl, I need to get back to the office; there are tons of paper work waiting on me," Tank hoisted himself up from his perch speculatively eying her small bedroom window. "You know what? I think I'm going to take the fire escape down. This body simply isn't made for that window," he hugged a laughing Steph. "Just one more thing, Steph. I know you have some hard times ahead of you. I just want you to know I am there for you, always. Whether it's to talk, to listen, to set up an employment contract for you – whatever it is, anything anytime." He squeezed her tight one last time before vanishing down the ladder while Steph heard the guys boisterously entering her apartment.


	7. The Meeting And A New Start

**_Disclaimer: All the characters you recognize from the Stephanie Plum books belong to Janet Evanovich._**

**_A/N: This story isn't beta'ed. Any grammar faults or spelling errors are not to be considered flaws or defects but enhance the individual beauty : )_**

**_Thanks so much for all the wonderful reviews - what a way to start the new year!_**

**_Below you find the seventh chapter and it will reveal a whole new deal of problems Hal has to face. Let's enter this next level and read about Hal's and Steph's inner struggles._**

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**Chapter 7 – The Meeting And A New Start**

**First week of November**

Steph and Vince watched the attorney leave the conference room and cautiously looked back at Hal. Their friend looked shattered. Tears had gathered in the corners of his stormy eyes and he worked hard to not let them fall.

"It's not the end," Steph grabbed Hal's hand and squeezed it while her other arm snaked around his shoulders. She snuggled as close as the wheelchair would allow it and nuzzled his temple, pressing a soft kiss close to his ear. "We will fight. Vince, you and me together, and we will win."

"She's right, man," Vince's rough voice spoke up from Hal's other side. His huge hand clamped down on Hal's sagging shoulder and he gave it a gentle shake. "You are not alone in this. We have your back, every step of the way. Don't you dare give up before the fight even gets started."

The meeting with the lawyer in family lawhad taken place and the news weren't promising. Mr. Cornell was a compassionate and understanding man; but he made it unmistakably clear that the custody battle for Jerry would be hard and dirty. Marissa was adamant that Jerry wasn't Hal's son and research showed that her attorney was known for using any dirty trick accessible to depreciate the opponent. Even if the paternity test would prove him to be Jerry's biological father, they would bring up everything necessary to show Hal as incompetent and irresponsible. His attempted suicide, resulting disability and dependence on others would just prove his disqualification to take custody of Jerry. Paternity assumed, supervised visits were probably the only thing he'd be granted by the court and that would mean a he would need to move back to Portland.

Completely ignoring Steph and Vince at his side, Hal angrily pushed away from the table and steered his wheelchair out of the room, never looking back or acknowledging his friends.

"Hal," Steph was already on her feet to go after him; but Vince held her back.

"Give him some room, honey. He needs time to work through his emotions."

They went back to their cubicles and Steph tried to focus on doing some searches; but she couldn't concentrate. Maybe Vince was right and she should leave Hal alone; but that just wasn't in her upbringing. When someone was in need of a friend, you were supposed to be at their side. Period. Going over to the com room she saw Hector working one of the monitors.

"Hola Estefania," he greeted her and pulled her down for a hug. "What wrong with Hal?" He motioned to the monitor of the gym. "Hal no OK?"

Hal sat on a bench, lifting weights and even from the distance of the surveillance camera you could see the pain written all over his face.

"No, Hector, he's not okay. I'll go down to him. Can you cut the feed while I'm there?"

"Si, Estephania. Make Hal better."

When Steph entered the gym Hal was alone and she silently made her way over to him. Straddling the bench, their knees touching, she waited for him to stop his self-punishment.

"I want to be alone, Steph," he finally set the weight down and looked at her with his blank face on.

"Vince told me to steer clear of you; but you know how good I am with advices."

That made his lips quirk up into a half-smile. "I agree, he should know better by now."

"Talk to me, Hal. Why are you punishing yourself?"

"Isn't that obvious?" He asked with a defeated voice. "I was stupid enough to marry a woman that never really loved me. I was stupid enough to accept her cheating on me because I was convinced that I deserved no better. I was stupid enough to do everything in the world to please that woman. In the end I was even stupid enough to try to commit suicide because of her actions." His voice had grown louder and louder with every painful admission. "And now look at me," he shouted. "I'm a cripple. I need other people to help me take a leak, clean up and do daily stuff. I was stupid enough to rob myself from a life with my son. Fucking supervised visits. I want Jerry at my side. He's my son – whether I'm his biological father or not. I changed his diapers; I fed him; I stayed up all night to walk and rock him when he cried. I wasn't there for his first words; but when he took his first steps I was right by his side cheering him on. It was me who took him to the school on his first day of Kindergarten!" Hal's pained voice echoed in the empty gym.

Without warning he pulled Steph onto his lap and held her tight against his sweaty body. She could feel his tears soak into her shirt and rubbed his shaking back in an attempt to show him she was there for him. When she felt him calm down, she leaned back, pulled her cell phone and Mr. Cornell's business card out of her pocket and placed them into Hal's hand with a squeeze.

"Call him and tell him to get started. Fight, Hal. Don't let Marissa win. You know that Vince and I are right by your side."

Sniffing, he wiped the tears from his face and stared at the card. He had so much to lose. Not being allowed to have Jerry in his life would shatter him and transport him right back into his dark mental prison. Finally, he took the cell and dialed the listed number.

"Mr. Cornell? Halvard Kjell Bengtsson speaking. Please, get everything started… yes, submit the divorce papers and file a lawsuit for joint custody for Jerry… Yes, I understand; but I won't give up that easily and I want you to prepare to fight for me… great… thank you, Mr. Cornell, thank you very much," Hal ended the phone call and took a deep breath; then another.

"Guess, I should take a bath," he looked down his sweat-soaked shirt and grimaced.

"Do you think you can manage on your own or should I call Bobby?" Steph asked cautiously, not wanting to cause another bout of temper.

"No, it's going to be okay. If not I have the panic button," Hal hoisted himself from the bench over into his wheelchair. "Angel?" He waited for Steph to look over at him. "Thank you," he put his right hand over his heart. "I couldn't deal with all this without you. You are my rock."

#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~

_**Hal's POV...**_

I rolled into my apartment, shut the door behind me and stilled. The scent of Steph's fruity shower gel hung in the air. She had spent another night here and it had been pure heaven to hold her in my arms. I never slept as deep and well as when Steph was with me. Rolling into my bedroom I saw my shirt she had worn the night before lying on the bed. I knew if I pulled it to my face it would smell of her delectable scent. I had it bad for her and I didn't know what to do about it. My eyes fell on my crutches leaning next to my bed. Lately, I fell a lot, my knees nearly constantly bruised. I was afraid of what that could mean. Could the nerves in my back and legs no longer submit the orders given by my brain? Had I reached my limit and it would never be better than it is now? I took a deep breath and tried to get rid of that depressing thought. Another week, Bobby had said. I hoped he was right because sitting in this damn wheelchair again and again for days on end for the past how many weeks was frustrating as hell. I wanted to walk, to live at least a bit of a normal life.

Moving over to the bed, I transferred my body onto the mattress and laid down with one person running through my mind, Steph. I couldn't stop thinking of her. Being the enamored wimp I was, I grabbed the shirt and brought it to my nose, inhaling deeply. She was my buddy, my best friend, and so much more. I've always sucked at talking about emotions and just thinking about her I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks. She was so wonderful, so unique; so much more than anybody saw in her. Something had seriously shifted in my feelings over the past few months and I wanted more from her; wanted to caress her body, to kiss her and to show her how much she meant to me. It was the way she looked at me, the way she could make me smile just by being there. No matter what was going on, how depressed I was, how much anger cursed through my veins, she knew the key to my heart and my temper evened out just by being at her side.

Squeezing my eyes shut I cursed inwardly. I needed to get a hold on these feelings. Steph was light, pureness and independence; a woman in her prime deserving a man who could keep up with her. I was an emotionally unstable cripple. I couldn't take her dancing, or shopping, or for some fun at the beach. I sat in a wheelchair, my legs useless, or on better days I staggered around on my crutches like some drunk. And that was without even thinking about the whole sex part. I was well-endowed, matching my body's size; but my once proud penis was now a flaccid slab of flash, hanging loose between my legs without any use aside from relieving my bladder. She deserved so much more than me; but my heart didn't want to hear about that.

Cursing I sat up, got rid of my shirt and then lay back down to work myself out of my pants. Once naked I got back into the wheelchair and rolled into the bathroom. The tub filled with warm water while I sat on the toilette and took care of business. Damn impotence. I felt the anger flare up once more as I moved myself over into the tub. The panic button went onto the designated hook and I lay back in the warm water. I didn't understand why I wasn't in working order. At the beginning of my healing process when I was fully paralyzed from the belly button downward I needed a permanent catheter and other sanitary help. The doctors made clear that there was no hope for any action in that department and I understood; but I fought hard against all odds and slowly sensation came back into my paralyzed hips and pelvis. Time passed by and I no longer needed the catheter and other stuff. The doctors said there was a good chance to regain parts of my sexual functionality; but nothing happened. I never again had a hard on when waking up, or felt any tingle even when watching porn movies or thumbing through certain magazines. Angry I grabbed my flaccid cock and squeezed it, moving my hand up and down, hoping for any reaction at all; but nothing. I felt the pressure and movement of my hand; but it didn't elicit any feelings. Closing my eyes in defeat I dreamed myself away to a wonderful beach day with Steph, bathing in her laughter and giggles as we played some x-rated games in the water. She would become somebody else's woman; but at least I could be her best friend. That had to be enough.

#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~

_**Steph's POV...**_

I sat at my cubicle and tried to decimate the number of searches in my inbox; but my thoughts were all over the place. They went from the situation with my mother to Rex still being in Hal's apartment and how good it felt to see him there. Next was the upcoming birthday of Mary Lou, from there my thoughts jumped to Ranger and our unsolved problems, back to Hal, to the shoe sale at Macy's, again to Hal and finally to the changes I wanted to bring into my life. As said, my thoughts were a mess and my concentration nada, zilch. I was staring unseeingly at my monitor, when Cal popped into my cubicle.

"Hey Sweetie," he hugged me from behind and pressed a kiss into my curls. Many of the men had found more personal endearments for me than Bomber or Bombshell and Cal's 'Sweetie' always had a special loving ring to me. "I have a question for you and I want you to think about it before saying no," he started, putting me automatically on alert.

"I won't get myself a tat onto my forehead," I joked and laughed when I saw his eyes glaze over.

"Maybe someplace else?" He waggled his eyebrows at me.

"Maybe, one day," I grinned back at him. I knew when the day came that I wanted to get a tattoo, Cal would be game and hold my hand during the process.

He chuckled and grinned as he brushed a curl out of my face before becoming serious once more. "You know that Bobby and I start swim training with Hal tomorrow morning, right?"

I nodded affirmatively.

"Now, I thought that maybe you'd like to join us? You said you wanted to change some things about you and while I know exercise will never hold a top position on that list, I thought that perhaps you could have fun swimming with Hal. I know it will be hard on him as former SEAL to practically start as a freshman again; but together with you he might enjoy it. I promise there'll be no pressure; just some fun time in the water while you both work on your fitness, strength and coordination. What do you think?"

I felt everything in me getting defensive and ready to fight Cal tooth and nail and that made me pause. Why was it that every time the guys wanted me to do something good and healthy for myself I went ballistic? No matter how hard I thought about it, I couldn't come up with any other explanation than that any suggestion felt like a demand and automatically propelled me back home where my mother would force one thing after the other on me whether I liked it or not.

"What's going on in that beautiful head of yours, Sweetie?" Call asked with benign curiosity in his voice. "I can see a war raging."

"Just realized something about myself," I sighed and smiled up at him. "Why is it that some actions of the past can have such a hold on you that they have the power to dictate your adult life?"

"I don't know what exactly you are talking about; but you are your own person," Cal cupped my face in one of his large calloused hands. "Nobody can force you to do anything you don't want to and if someone tries, they just prove that they don't appreciate you the way you are. This is all up to you, Sweetie. It's an offer from me and if you don't want to do it, it won't change anything about my feelings for you or our friendship."

I looked at him and could feel myself relax. I wasn't a good swimmer; but I'd always loved the water and it was time to leave the past behind and do something just for me and nobody else. "I'd really like to go with you and Hal; but please be patient with me. This will be my first voluntary shot at exercise and I don't want to mess it up."

Cal's beam could have lit the whole floor. "Don't worry, Sweetie. I promise we'll have fun. See you at 0600 in the garage."

My jaw hit the floor; but before I could get my speech back, Cal had beat it out of my cubicle, leaving me alone to rant about the unholy time he expected me here. Perhaps I could spend another night at Hal's? Though, if I stayed there any more I could as well move in with him. Rex practically lived with him and he was just so comfortable that the moment I entered my own apartment I missed him.


	8. Moaning Pollywogs

**_Disclaimer: All the characters you recognize from the Stephanie Plum books belong to Janet Evanovich._**

**_A/N: This story isn't beta'ed. Any grammar faults or spelling errors are not to be considered flaws or defects but enhance the individual beauty : )_**

**_I got some PMs of readers worried that there won't be a happy ending. Worry not. I aim to keep my stories realistic and you just don't bounce back from facts like suddenly being paraplegic and impotent or being reprimanded your whole life long and feeling worthless. It takes time and Hal and Steph are both working through their struggles. They slowly start to realize their growing attraction - Hal much more than Steph - but it will still take a several chapters for them to finally overcome their anxieties. Be patient. I promise they'll have their happy ending.  
_**

**_Now, come with me and read about our two moaning pollywogs. I hope at the end you'll have the same sweet smile on your face that I had writing this chapter : )_**

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**Chapter 8 – Moaning Pollywogs**

**Early the next morning**

Six A.M. on the dot Steph's Logan careened into the underground garage and came to a forceful stop in the designated spot next to Ranger's vehicles. Cal and Bobby waited for her to exit but nothing happened. No smiling Steph, not even a scowling one.

"Perhaps she's still asleep and her car drove here on autopilot?" Cal mused with a grin on his face.

Next to him Bobby chuckled as the elevator doors behind them opened with a ping and Hal wheeled out of the cabin and toward them.

"What's going on? Where's Steph?" He looked around, searching for her.

Cal pointed to her car. "Just drove in; but isn't exiting her car. We assume she's still asleep."

Hal smiled, adjusted the thermos mug in his lap and rolled toward her car. It was six A.M., his Angel was probably in a bad mood and he was prepared to be her man of the day by bringing her her beloved coffee saturated with milk and lots of sugar. Of course the space between the Logan and the Porsche next to it wasn't wide enough for the wheelchair and he felt the first anger of the day flood him.

"May I?" Bobby appeared next to him, his eyes warm and understanding. "I promise I'll lure her right into your lap," he smiled knowingly when Hal blushed.

"Steph?" Bobby crouched in the open door and caressed her cheek. "Are you awake? I have a surprise here from Hal. Sniff the air." He held the open thermos mug under her nose.

"Mmmmmh … Haaaaaal," Steph moaned causing Bobby to chuckle.

"Come on, honey. Get out of the car and give your man a hug. He's waiting for you."

"Not my man," Steph mumbled with a sleep-filled voice.

"I'm not so sure about that," Bobby whispered back. "You two are quite close and he brought you coffee."

Steph groaned and moved to exit her car taking Bobby's offered hand. She gave him a peck on his cheek, took the mug with coffee, scuffled over to Hal and flopped into his lap. Hal's heart did a happy dance and his arms came around her, pulling her into a warm and tight embrace. Shit on sitting in a wheelchair;he was in love with her.

The Hamilton Township Aquatics Center was the best in the area and from six to eight A.M. it belonged to Rangeman Security, guards at the entrance included. Here the Rangemen with a fondness for water could let loose and get their training done. When Steph stepped out of the women's changing room the sight in front of her made her jaw hit the tiles. More or less naked Merry Men, water droplets running down their perfect bodies, were freely moving around. In the swimming pool Binkie, Zero, Cal and the new guy she'd seen in the com room were plowing through the water like sharks. She couldn't believe the pace they made, most of the lane staying under water. A movement in front of her eyes made her shake her head and focus on Bobby.

"Cal was right when he thought you'd love it here," Bobby said with a shit eating grin on his face. "Is that drool in the corner of your mouth?"

With a Burg glare Steph swatted his hand away from her face and was about to give her favorite medic a good tongue-lashing when Hal rolled up next to her. His upper body was amazing, drool-worthy, shaming even the most trained of the Rangemen. A little rubber duck sat on his board-shorts in his lap stirring up Steph's curiosity.

"Hey Angel," he looked less than happy.

"What's going on, Sailor? Why the ducky?" Steph bent and hugged him.

"The moron next to you apparently thinks we need an enticement," Hal's blush couldn't have been brighter and Steph narrowed her eyes at Bobby. She could deal with people pulling pranks on her; but nobody was allowed to make Hal uncomfortable and the guys knew it.

"Don't glare at me like that, Honey," Bobby took a step backward holding his hands up in defense. "Cal and I just want this to be fun for you. Now let's go to the small pool where we'll be able to stand. We'll do some body work first before getting into the big pool."

A couple minutes later Steph could feel the looks in her back when Bobby picked Hal up and carried him bridal style down the steps and into the water. As much as the guys were used to the sight of Hal in his wheelchair or on crutches, seeing him being helpless and being carried around made them uncomfortable. A soldier's most powerful weapon was his body. Each day these men spent hours of training in the gym to keep these weapons in top form so they could perform at a maximum. Their whole being circled around their physical strength. Losing that power and independence and becoming helpless and dependent was one of the most frightening thoughts for them, synonymous with losing their lives. Witnessing Hal being carried around, not able to move on his own, brought home to them how fast they could lose everything that centered them and made their lives worth living.

As soon as they were in the 5 ft. deep end, Bobby let Hal glide out of his hands and onto his feet, keeping a firm grip on him.

"Your feet firmly planted on the ground?" He asked after a moment and got a very concentrated nod in return. "Then I'll now take my hands away and you try to stand on your own."

Bobby slowly removed his hands, staying close in case Hal lost his balance; but there was no reason to worry. The most beautiful smile spread across Hal's face as he realized what happened.

"Steph, I'm standing," he beamed. "Look, I'm standing without crutches," his voice grew louder with joy. As Steph moved closer, Hal grabbed her around her waist and lifted her up in the air. "I'm standing," he hollered, bubbling with happiness as he tilted over and they both sank like stones.

"OK, buster," Bobby laughed as he helped Hal to surface. "Perhaps we should leave the lifts and twirls for another day."

Steph glowed with happiness. The moment Hal had lifted her she'd felt a rush of butterflies in her stomach and she knew she'd wake up in the middle of the night and come here every day just to feel them again.

Bobby did some thorough water gymnastics with them, especially leg work for Hal, until Cal joined them and they started to get serious. Steph knew she was a mediocre swimmer; but under Cal's eagle eyes she had to realize that apparently her technic was a mess and she was more floundering about in the water than swimming. Unfortunately Cal seemed to be immune to her death glare and for half an hour he balanced her on his hands while going through the correct swimming motions. Meanwhile Bobby worked with Hal on moving his legs in the water.

"Steph, your right leg is doing fine; but the left is barely moving. Think frog!" Cal patiently corrected her for the umpteenth time.

She and Hal were going at it for nearly an hour, when Bobby and Cal agreed to let them loose in the big swimming pool. The two men each took one of Hal's arms around their shoulders, grabbed his waist and hoisted him out of the water. It was less humiliating for Hal than being carried like a girl and Bobby and Cal let his feet touch the ground so he could make shuffling walking motions without having to carry his own weight. When they reached the edge of the big pool, Bobby and Cal simultaneously crouched down, lowering Hal in the process.

"Thanks, guys," he whispered with a blush. He tried to ignore it; but in the corner of his eyes he could see his colleagues watching them.

"Okay you two fishes," Cal addressed them from the side of the pool. "Bobby will be in the water next to you, Hal. Try to move your legs, whether it works or not. This is the first time so you'll give it your best shot. Steph, I want a perfect breast stroke, especially regarding the leg work. This is not about speed but about accuracy. I will throw the rubber ducky about fifteen yards in front of you and you will show me your best technique. When you reach the ducky, you will tread water and throw the ducky back to me. Then I'll place it another fifteen yards in front of you – same procedure. Hal, Bobby will be right by your side in case your legs don't manage. Keep your eyes on the goal."

It sounded so easy; but after half the distance Steph was ready to give up. Hal obviously had a better buoyancy and upper body work than Steph and she felt like a helpless pollywog next to him. What did it matter that she had working legs if they didn't obey her commands?

"Steph? Watcha doing there?" Cal's smiling voice boomed over to her. "What has the water done to you that you are kicking the shit out of it?"

The attempt to flip him a bird ended in her sinking and gulping a huge load of water when resurfacing. Within the blink of an eye, Cal was in the water and appeared next to her, holding her upright while Steph coughed and choked.

"I've got you Sweetie," he tried to calm her while easily keeping them above the water surface.

"That's it," Steph finally muttered angrily once her coughing had stopped. "I give up. This was a dumb idea. I'm not made for swimming but for laying in the sun at the beach."

She made a move to swim over to the side of the lane; but Cal held her back.

"Don't Sweetie. That's not you. What about your famous resilience?" He trod water while blocking her way. "Look at Hal. This is taking a lot from him. His legs are more or less floating after him no matter how much he tries; but he isn't giving up. What he can do, you can do, too."

They both looked down the lane were Hal was slowly making his way toward the opposite end with Bobby swimming next to him. Even from behind you could see the sheer willpower it cost him to keep moving.

"Come on, Steph. You are his Angel. Don't let him down." Cal moved himself in front of her and started swimming backwards, luring her with him. "That's right," he encouraged her when she came after him. "Remember your legs… think of the frog and how he moves… that's right… perfect."

It was a hard piece of work; but they made it to the end of the lane where Bobby and Hal were waiting for them. Cal couldn't have been more proud of her.

"That's my Sweetie," he hugged her tight before whispering, "proud of you. You can achieve anything you want to. You just have to keep your eye on the goal."

Releasing her Cal pushed Steph over to Hal who welcomed her with an open arm.

"You were amazing, Angel," Hal whispered in her ear. "I love you."

He blushed ferociously at his words. Luckily, Steph didn't understand them the way they were meant. It felt so good to hold her in his arms and Hal couldn't prevent from becoming acutely aware of the slickness of her body, the feeling of her soft breasts against his hard chest. Nothing moved in his nether regions; but it felt wonderful all the same. Deep inside he wondered whether she didn't cling a little longer and tighter to him as she had to Cal.

"I hate to interrupt," Bobby suddenly was way too close for Hal's taste; "but we need to get moving to be outside by eight o'clock."

With a heavy heart he let go of Steph and hoisted himself onto the edge of the pool. One of the other guys had collected his wheelchair and Bobby and Cal made quick work of lifting him into the seat.

~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~

**_Half an hour later…_**

"You're taking us to the Pancake House?" Steph's eyes glazed over as they darted back and forth between driver and passenger seat.

"Sure, sweetie. You two deserve an unhealthy breakfast after your accomplishments this morning," Cal grinned at her dazed expression.

Bobby helped Hal from the backseat down into his wheelchair and together they entered the place and found themselves a table at the back of the restaurant. The guys smiled with amusement when Steph studied the menu up and down trying to decide which one of the delicious dishes would be the unhealthiest choice. After all the Merry Men were voluntarily paying – she had to capitalize on that.

When the waitress brought their order, Steph sat in front of a huge stack of Bacon Pancakes with whipped butter and hot maple syrup and Hal had a similar intimidating stack of Swedish Pancakes with whipped butter and lingonberries on his plate. Cal and Bobby looked down at their egg-white omelets, then over at the mass of pancakes and shook their head.

"Don't you dare to say a word," Steph warned them. "You said anything goes."

Chuckling they were about to dig into their omelets when a loud and deep moan rang out at their table. In shock the two men and Steph turned their heads toward Hal who had a telltale spot of lingonberry sauce left in the corner of his mouth and blushed furiously.

"Oh my god," Steph whispered in awe, her eyes never leaving Hal's mouth. "Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god." Without warning she launched herself at a fire engine red Hal and squeezed him so tight that he had trouble to breathe. "I've never met a man who moans, not to mention who moans over food. Do it again," she let go and watched him expectantly. "Please?"

Hal's face was burning. How embarrassing. Why couldn't a hole open in the floor for him to drop into. But god, the taste had been so delicious. He was of Swedish ancestry and missed the cuisine of his homeland; the way his mother, aunts and grandmas had cooked. The moment the lingonberries and pancake hit his taste buds he was in heaven. Steph was choking him with her hug and in his ears was a roaring that drowned every sound around him. Shit. He felt mortified. Bobby would keep it to himself, he was sure of that; but Cal? Damn.

"Please, Hal, please. One other moan just for me," Steph was begging.

What? Was she insane? She expected him to do that again? Looking incredulous at Steph he instantly felt his inner resistance crumble. She was so beautiful and cute the way she was watching him full of anticipation. Before Hal realized what he was doing, he forked another bite of pancake with lingonberries and lifted it to his mouth, never leaving Steph's eyes. When his lips closed around the fork and the first flavors hit his tongue, his eyes shut and he could hear another moan escaping him. Steph's gaze clung to his lips, realizing how sensuous they looked, and she could almost taste the fruits swirling in her own mouth. It was so sexy, so overwhelming; everything in her tingled and her own moan filled the air in perfect harmony with Hal's. When their eyes found each other, Steph couldn't stop staring at Hal. She saw his chiseled manly face, the hard and strong angles with the cheekbones high and the jaw wide. His lips were full, amazingly sensual and she bet, pillow soft. His icy blue eyes captivated her, looking directly into her soul and his unruly blond hair stuck in all directions giving his manly aura some boyish mischief. He was so stunningly handsome the way he sat there in his wheels, it sucked the breath right out of her.

Unnoticed by the two food lovers, Bobby and Cal exchanged a knowing look and grinned brightly at each other. Their friends might not realize what was going on; but they could see the attraction and love building between Hal and Steph and it made them happy.


	9. Self-doubts

**_Disclaimer: All the characters you recognize from the Stephanie Plum books belong to Janet Evanovich._**

**_A/N: This story isn't beta'ed. Any grammar faults or spelling errors are not to be considered flaws or defects but enhance the individual beauty : )_**

**_No long speech, no words, just chapter nine and a challenge: 10 reviews and I post the next chapter tomorrow instead of the day after  
_**

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**Chapter 9 - Self-doubts**

**Later the same day, Hal's POV**

Sitting in my cubicle, I abstractedly stared out of the window. November had come hard and fast and cold rain made the people vanish from the sidewalks. The day was as bleak as I was confused. Taking a sip from my hot coffee, I wondered how this mess in my head was ever gonna be sorted out. I knew that on my desk lay a stack of reports I was supposed to go through for Tank; but I couldn't think straight for a minute, not even for a second. Steph was filling every corner of my mind, languorously sprawling in my front lobe, preventing any serious thought. She was so beautiful, so gorgeous, so stunning; everything about her. And I didn't mean her facial features or her body, they were secondary to me. Her intellect, her affection, her compassion, her fierceness, her fight and resilience; I could keep counting her assets and never come to an end. Steph was everything I wished for in a woman. She shared my life, my good and bad days, even my bed and nonetheless she was light-years away; unreachable for me. Frustrated I clenched my teeth and looked back at the pile of reports. I needed to talk to Bobby. Looking at the watch on my wrist I realized that it's just been an hour since we'd come back from the Aquatics Center. Time was crawling and I was in misery; my heart hurt, my body hurt, everything about me hurt. I wanted Steph, I needed her; but my mind echoed the fact that she deserved better than me.

Eventually, I managed to push my Steph-induced stupor aside and started working on the reports, when C.K. came sauntering in my cubicle. I wondered what he wanted from me. C.K. was rather new, came on board while I was at the Rehab Center in Pennsylvania. He seemed nice enough; but aside from some shared monitor duty our contact was limited. Lifting his chin as greeting he pulled over the guest chair that stood beside my desk, sat down and looked at me with a blank face. My gut clenching told me that whatever he was about to say wasn't going to be good.

"Hal," he started after a moment. "I wanted to let you know that I plan to ask Stephanie out on a date. I'm not asking for your permission; but you are a brother and I know you two are close friends so I thought I should let you know." He nodded, stood back up on his feet, pushed the chair to its place and left without another glance back.

I sat frozen in my wheels, breathing in, breathing out, and pressed my left hand to where my heart was supposed to beat. It felt as though someone had ripped my chest open and tore it out of the now empty cavity. So that was it; the end of the glory days where I could dream of a relationship with Steph. No injury I ever experienced compared to the pain that thought ignited in me. I sat in my wheelchair, desperately gulped against the lump in my throat and fought the urge to scream. Helpless to stop it, I felt my mind going back to where all this started last year; that dark December night in the snow and my decision to wipe the slate clean and kill myself. In my mind I knew that Steph deserved better than me; but nonetheless, this feeling of losing her brought me back to that same dark old road I'd already been on and that was now calling me home. As though it belonged to another body I curiously watched my hand reaching for the phone on my desk.

"Tank, I need to call it a day," my bleak voice said into the phone and I hung up without waiting for his response.

I felt numb. My mind was paralyzed, my body acting on auto-pilot. The only sound I heard was the blood rushing through my ears with an ear-deafening roar. Pushing my way through the walkways between the cubicles I hurried down to my apartment and slammed the door shut behind me. Air, I needed air. I couldn't breathe; couldn't think. Desperately gasping for breath I rolled the wheelchair into the bedroom and heaved my body onto the bed. Sobs were forcing their way up my throat, burning in my eyes and hurting my lungs. Rolling my upper body over I wasn't gentle with my legs. Angry, I grabbed my cargoes and threw my numb and lifeless limbs carelessly over onto their side. Fucking useless body; fucking useless life. I was so tired of this constant fight. My ears rang with an inhuman anguished cry until I realized it was my own pained voice. Between sobs wracking my body I screamed for all I had lost and would never experience again. Fighting, running in the park, skydiving, hiking, dancing, sex, being free and independent. It hurt, it hurt so much.

"Hal?" Bobby shouted running into the room. "What's wrong?"

"Get the fuck out of here."

"Hal, talk to me. Are you in pain?"

"I said GET THE FUCK OUT! I'm not in pain, I'm fucking paraplegic, I feel nothing!" I screamed at him, pounding one of my fists onto my lifeless legs.

I knew it was wrong; but in this moment my emotional pain and anger boiled over and Bobby was the only person available to wreak my rage on.

"I'm so fucking fed up with your constant readiness to help," I shouted. "What are you? Some fucking Samaritan? Nobody needs you, I don't need you. Leave me the fuck alone and go where your presence is wanted. I sure as hell don't want you here. Do you think I don't see through your scheme? Always helping the screwed cripple to put a halo over your head. Fuck you! Go find someone else to upgrade your miserable existence."

Bobby stood frozen at the entrance of my bedroom and leveled me with a narrow eyed glare.

"Okay," his voice calming unlike my crass tone, "as you wish. You want to vent later... you know my number," he turned and walked away. I heard the distinct sound of the door shutting and then a deafening silence filled my apartment.

Shit. What had I done? Bobby was my friend, my confidant. Together with Steph and Vincent he was the constant in my life, putting up with all the shit I could dish out. Why was it that ever since my 'accident' I couldn't control my emotions and chased those away who were closest to me? I was such a miserable failure. With that thought, my inner beat-down began and there was nothing I could do about it.

"Hal?" Steph's soft voice woke me out of my slumber. I lay on my back with a pillow pressed over my face and felt drained.

"Hal, are you okay?"

"Go away, Steph. I'm not in a good place," I mumbled into the mount of soft cotton resting on my face and heard her stepping closer. Why the hell did she always have to do the opposite of what was asked from her?

"No, I won't leave you alone. Something is wrong, I know it."

The mattress dipped as she sat down and I took a deep breath filling my senses with her delectable scent. God, she was like a siren calling to my subconscious. How I yearned to feel the touch of her delicate body snuggled into my side; but at the same time I knew I had to let go of these desires for her and the idea of us having a relationship. Holding her in my arms wouldn't help the matter. She deserved so much more than a man broken in body and spirit. That bleak realization pulled the dark cloak already around my mind even tighter. With a sigh I braced myself for the discussion we were about to start and pushed the pillow off my face.

"You've been crying," Steph's hand immediately rushed up to my face and traced the streaks of my dried tears.

"Steph," I captured her hand, pressed a tender kiss into its palm, and placed it over my hurting heart, holding it there. "I will ask you now to leave and this one time I want you to obey my wishes. I have some things to work through and I can't do this as long as you are here with me. I need to be alone for that. Will you leave me alone? Please?"

I watched her face and saw the confusion and hurt in her eyes before her commitmentto our friendship won and her shoulders slumped.

"Okay, Hal. I'll leave for now; but if you don't call me later, I'll be back on your doorstep," she leaned forward and softly kissed my cheek. She smelled wonderful and the pang in my heart made me internally wince.

After I heard the apartment door shut behind her I looked over at my alarm clock. Two o'clock in the afternoon; I'd slumbered lunch away. Didn't matter, I didn't feel like eating. Bobby would have my ass when he found out how much weight I'd lost recently; but I didn't care about that right now. Wearily I shut my eyes and thought about the day. It had started so wonderful with Steph at the Aquatics Center, seeing the fight in her eyes, drinking it in to nurture my own will. Then the pancake house. I'd never forget the heat that rushed through me as she moaned with me. God, my whole upper body tingled as our eyes stayed locked and I saw something change in hers, saw some of my own feelings mirrored in them. And then C.K. had to come along and crush any hope I ever had at getting a chance with Steph. He had two working legs, ruled the dance floor, looked formidable and from what the grapevine knew was everything but a slouch in the sack. How was I supposed to ever compete with that?

I lay in my bed, my eyes closed and let the waves of despair and sadness carry me away. Since I left the Philly Rehab Center three months ago I'd tried to convince myself that I had adjusted to my new life, accepted this new disabled me; but that wasn't true. Each night I wandered through my body, felt my arms, my hands, my shoulders and back as well as my chest and abs and then smarted under the nonentity of my lower body. Most of the time there was a faint sensation in my hips and pelvis. I could somehow feel them, could even entice small movements with enough concentration; but the feeling was distant as though it didn't belong to my body. Same was true for my cock; I felt the touch by my hand; but it was a distant unfamiliar feeling. My legs, on the other hand, were more or less lifeless limbs. There was no feeling in my thighs. When Bobby powerfully massaged them and I had my eyes close I felt a very, very distant touch; but couldn't determine where it was. Just when I watched his hands, their whereabouts became distinguishable from the otherwise nonexistence feeling of my thighs. Moving south, my shins were sometimes prickling. It was an annoying sensation because no amount of rubbing helped, the feeling originating in my lower back. The rest of my lower leg was nonexistent. Just the soles of my feet reacted to touch, warmed, tingled; but again the foot as a whole was lacking any feeling.

What moved my legs and made me walk was my iron will. My mind gave the command to lift and step forward and the corresponding leg somewhat followed the order with the toes shuffling over the floor. Then I had to do the same procedure with the other leg. Over the last few months the process had become a bit more fluent and I didn't have to watch my feet constantly; but I was slow as a slug, looked like some cripple ambling along dragging one leg and then the other and latest after 30 yards: game over. Aside from that walking without feeling your legs and feet was an arduous challenge, demanding all my concentration not to fall and lately I fell a lot. It didn't matter how much I tried to convince myself that I was still a functioning man, I could see nothing but the cripple in me. I was paraplegic, depending on a wheelchair, living half a life and deep inside I hated myself for it, because it was entirely my own fault. If I had been stronger in spirit I might have never attempted suicide and now wouldn't give up just because some well-packed Adonis was about to steal my girl away.

"My girl," I sighed. The dark hole in my chest sucked the spirit right out of me.

_"__What makes us admirable strong independent persons is not what we achieve in terms of success. What defines us as people is how we put ourselves back together once we fall. You can give up, accept your fate and kill yourself right now. Or, you can pause for a moment and imagine what you've always wanted from life. There's no reason why you can't still have that. Your legs may have wheels now; but you are still a valuable, well-loved and cherished man who can achieve anything he wants if he just tries. Your choice." _

Those had been Steph's challenging words when I reached my lowest point at the Rehab Center. She was right, of course. My personal worth wasn't about how successful I was or what I could or could not do. In the end all that mattered was how good I could deal after falling on my ass, over and over. And let's face it; I've become a master at picking myself up and going on. I was a fighter. Steph had made sure of that. I had a right to be happy and I had the right to be loved and love back. Fuck C.K. and all those able-bodied men in this building. I needed to finally accept that this was my life. I was paraplegic. Period. No need to beat around the bush. It was time I got my head straight and make my life worth loving. Pushing myself upright I used my new found resolve to slide over into the wheelchair and fresh up in the bathroom. Time to find Bobby and apologize for my earlier fit of rage.

~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~

"Enter," came his gruff reply when I knocked at the door to the infirmary.

Sucking up my remorse I pushed into his office and closed the door behind me.

"I'm sorry, Bobby," I started once I was back facing him. "What I said earlier… it isn't true and I feel ashamed that I took my anger out on you in such a harsh and mean way. You are a great guy and I need you so much. You constantly pick me up and brush me off and I don't know how I'd manage all this without you. You have a big heart and are a wonderful compassionate person. Don't let some idiot like me insult you. I had reached a boiling point and you were there and became my victim. Please forgive me."

Bobby's eyes locked with mine and he regarded me for a moment as though searching for something. "It's okay, man. Apology accepted. Will you tell me what had you in such a state?"

While I rolled closer to his desk, Bobby stood up and came around the table to take the visitor chair opposite from me. How often had we talked like this, him close in front of me, every now and then squeezing or rubbing my arm in a comforting gesture. It came natural and though frowned upon outside of these four walls when it was just the two of us it worked. Bobby was a great medic, knowing that often it wasn't just the body that needed his care; but the soul, too. Now, wringing my hands, I sat in front of him and didn't know how to start. My face felt hot as flames, a sure sign that I most probably resembled a fire engine. Sometimes I wished I was a talker like Lester; but words didn't come easy to me… except with Steph. With her I could talk for hours. Everything was easy with Steph.

"Let me try to help you," Bobby finally spoke up when I couldn't find a way to start. "Is this about C.K. asking Steph for a date?"

I must have blanched because Bobby stood up and got a bottle of water for me. I silently sat in my wheelchair frozen in time and didn't know what to say. If anything my face heated even more.

"You know the grapevine in this building. Brett heard C.K. talking to you, the latter not wasting any time to ask Steph. Lester overheard them from his cubicle next to hers and the rest is history. You know Brett and Les, they are such gossipmongers," Bobby chuckled thinking of his partner. "The question is why didn't you tell C.K. to fuck off; that Steph is your girl?"

Bobby was back sitting in front of me, watching me closely and I stared at him speechless. A thousand thoughts were racing through my mind like fighter jets cutting through the sky. The whole building knew. Now the guys would jockey for position to ask Steph out. Who am I to compete with that?

_You are Halvard Kjell Bengtsson, former Navy SEAL, warrior at heart, conqueror of fate,_ a tiny voice answered in my head. _You have a right to love and be loved._

I might have; but this was too much.

"Hal, if you wanna talk about what is paining you, you have to say something at one point. I can't lead this conversation without you ever speaking up," Bobby squeezed my hand.

Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes, conjured up a picture of Steph in my mind, squared my shoulders and let go of the tension in me.

"I love her," my voice was meek, the confession costing me all my courage.

"We know that; Vincent, Cal, Ram and I. So why didn't you tell C.K. to fuck off; that Steph belonged to you?" Bobby asked again.

His straightforwardness was unexpected and made me uncomfortable. Suddenly my former resolve vanished into thin air and the bleak cloak of depression enveloped me in its tight blackness. Why didn't I stand up against my colleague? Because I never came up with the idea; because I'm weak and without self-confidence; because deep inside I doubt my worth as a man. Before I realized what was happening I heard my voice spilling out my most secret inner thoughts.

"Tell me Bobby," I tried to explain myself. "What do I have to offer her? I'm a big, helpless, dependent gimp. I can't protect her, can't open doors for her, can't take her places, take her shopping, dancing. You know how much she loves to dance; it's one of her favorites. I can't even drive her around. I'm dependent on one of you helping me in and out of a car, hoisting me around like some useless doll. My life isn't worth shit. Every single one of the men in this building can offer her more than I'll ever be able. She deserves better than some cripple like me."

"Hal," Bobby's voice was bleak. "When did you retreat back into this depressive state?"

I sighed, looked away and squinted against a wave of emotion overcoming me.

"I don't know. It was a subtle progress. At first I didn't think any of it; just thought I had a bad day. Then it slowly became worse; but I didn't realize how bad it was until earlier after C.K. came to me."

"I want you to pick up therapy again," Bobby locked eyes with me making sure I saw the seriousness in them. "You said you wanted to try without; but obviously that isn't working. Even though I see you several times a day, I didn't know you were back in such a black and self-abusing state. There was so much fight in you when you came here from Philly. We need to get that back into you."

"I don't want to, Bobby. No more therapy, no more anti-depressants. So many shrinks have turned my head upside down while I was in Philly; I want to manage on my own. I can't depend on these drugs and people forever."

"That's bullshit, Hal. This isn't just about getting along in your new life; it's about all the mental abuse you suffered during childhood and later on. That isn't something that can be solved in half a year or even a year. It will take a long time and a lot of stamina on your side. I'll make an appointment with our therapist and you two can see whether you'll get along," Bobby was all business, obviously not accepting a no as answer. "Regarding the other stuff you listed: That's simply not true. You can do all these things. Of course you can take Steph shopping, for dinner, dancing and anything else you two come up with. It will take a little more planning; but it's all possible. I see now that it was wrong of the guys and me to help you so much. You can enter and exit a car on your own, it's just a question of practice, and you'll be able to drive on your own when we buy a hand-operated car. There doesn't need to be restrictions to your independence, Hal. None at all. I'm sorry that I didn't think about all this earlier."

"But we said we would work on me walking and not depending on aids like that. I want to walk, Bobby. I don't want to sit in this fucking chair. I want my old life back." With every sentence my voice grew louder. "Don't you understand? I don't want to live this life," I pressed my lips together against the welling tears. "I want to turn back time and never jump from that damn bridge."

Bobby took a deep breath and in a gesture of compassion and friendship he grabbed my hands and rubbed his thumbs over their back. "But you can't do that, Hal. What happened, happened and now we have to deal with the consequences. Of course we'll continue working on your walking abilities; but you can't cling to the dream of happily walking around without limitations. This is your life," he nodded at my wheelchair, "and anything we achieve regarding the mobility of your legs you should see as a gift and be happy about it. I don't want you to waste your life and happiness waiting for something that may never happen."

"But you said I'd be walking," I blurted out, anguish written all over my face.

"I know Hal; but I can't work miracles. I should have known better than fueling your hope by setting such high goals; but I was so euphoric for you, and with you when you came home. This is a learning process for me, too. Please forgive me, Hal," he put one of his hands in my neck and caressed it in a comforting way.

"Does that mean you no longer believe I'll be able to walk un-aided?"

I could see the heartbreak in his face as he spoke the words I feared most in the world.

"I don't think so, Hal. Your progress isn't as smooth as I expected it would be. I think we should make an appointment in Philly and talk to the doctors who operated on you."

I had to turn my head to the side for a moment so he wouldn't see how close I was to losing it. I always thought that one day I'd be more or less back to normal. That thought was my lifeline. Now, that lifeline was cut and I was drowning.

"There's more," I finally whispered, turning back to face my friend.

"What's more?" Bobby looked encouragingly at me.

"I…," I cleared my throat. "I'm impotent," I whispered. "I tried everything my mind came up with; porno movies, magazines, masturbation… nothing worked. My cock's just a flaccid slab of meat. I'd never be able to make Steph happy," and with that the tears were back rolling down my face.


	10. Drowning The Devil

**_Disclaimer: All the characters you recognize from the Stephanie Plum books belong to Janet Evanovich._**

**_A/N: This story isn't beta'ed. Any grammar faults or spelling errors are not to be considered flaws or defects but enhance the individual beauty : )_**

**_I have to admit, I feel a bit bad publishing this chapter. This is rather short; but will probably be hard to read for some of you. Sometimes you have to reach rock bottom before you can heal from the inside out. Hal's in no happy place; but needs to work through this on his own and Steph is too insecure to step up to the plate. Remember my promise. There'll be a HEA and the first glimpse will come within a couple chapters._**

* * *

**Chapter 10 – Drowning The Devil**

**Two weeks later, nearing the end of November, Hal's POV**

Leaning my head back and closing my eyes I perked up my ears and listened to the sounds around me. There was the loud drumming of raindrops violently hitting the windows; while the angry howling storm tried to pull them out of their hinges. In the distance, separated from me by two doors, I heard my shower rushing water on a body staring in my dreams every night. I could smell the faint smoke of the candles lit all over the living room and even more the subtle scent they were emanating – berries and vanilla. Steph's choice; but I had to admit I liked them, too. Breathing in deeply I tried to concentrate on the candles, bring to mind where every single one of them stood, and shut out the distracting patter of the shower. It was afternoon, something around five o'clock, and Steph was in my bathroom getting ready for her third date with Binkie. My limp dick should be standing at attention knowing she was naked under my shower. For the past two weeks, Steph had a date every other night. Last time Binkie took her horseback riding and she came back with rosy cheeks and couldn't stop talking about their day.

FUCK!

I needed more distractions.

In my mind I wandered through my body; always a good choice to get the depressions really going. The Recliner's leather was butter soft on my sore neck. There was a slight hardening on the left side where I'd hit the fucking frame of Bobby's truck. Yeah, Bobby was now all about me doing things myself. No more help getting into or out of cars, picking up stuff I let fall, picking myself up when I fell. Nope. Nothing. Yay me. I stretched my neck trying to work out the kink. Next stop on my internal walking-tour were my arms. They were good arms. I flexed their muscles and felt the cotton of my tight shirt stretch to its limits. That was another interesting thing about me. Newly, I wore tight stuff, pronouncing my assets according to Vince. It was like screaming to Steph 'Hey, I'm here. Do you see me?' … worked great, not. At the end of my arms were… my hands; surpriiiise. The grabbers where the size of frying pans, warm and lay on my thighs. No, they lay on something. I just knew it was my thighs because I remembered seeing them there. For a short moment I thought about giving my fingers names; but what would that say about my mental state? Snort. Better stop speculating. On we go. I forced the muscles in my back to relax and felt myself sink deeper into the perfect firmness of the recliner I was lounging in. The shirt clung tight to my chest and abs; if I were to open my eyes and look down my front, I could see their hard planes; but why should I? I had the pleasure of seeing my crippled body naked twice today.

_And weren't those memorable moments?_ The devil in my head sneered. _Seeing your sorry excuse of an useless body leaning on those crutches, not able to stand on its own? You are such a miserable fucker._

Hay-Ho, wasn' he right?

_Of course I'm right, looser. After all I know you better than you yourself._

The devil. He'd suddenly turned up the night of Steph's first date with C.K. and had been my guest ever since and wasn't that great? Now, in addition to being a cripple I was obviously also losing my mind.

_Do you really think anybody will see the difference?_ The devil laughed snidely. _You have the winner of all pity parties going, aren't honest with your friends about how you're really doing, jump at their throats any chance you get, and in addition to all that you are pining over a woman that would never give you a second glance wasn't it for the pity she was feeling for you._

That's. Not. True! Was it?

_Sure? Why is it then that she's preparing herself for a date with someone else? Because you are a loser, a failure she doesn't want to deal with! You couldn't take her out if you wanted. Look at you. Disabled gimp. What would you want to do with her __on a date__? Sitting here holding hands in the light of these girly candles? Or wait… you'd take her out for a walk. Well, no. Remember, you are too scared to leave this building plus YOU CAN'T WALK_, his evil guffawing filled my head. _You couldn't even hold her hand, dumbfuck, cuz you need them to keep moving. And then what happens if there's danger while you're out? What could you do to protect her, threaten them...knowing you, you'd just fall over and she'd have to be the one to protect your sorry ass! If she gets taken, you'd have to watch as they left with her because there isn't a damn thing you could do about it. You're pathetic._

I kept silent. What was there to say? He was right in every aspect.

_You got it, smartass. In about an hour, the woman of your dreams will sit across a very good looking able-bodied man in a beautiful restaurant where they will make goo-goo eyes at each other. He will first feed her, then he'll take her dancing. The longer they dance, the more drinks she has, the closer he will pull her. Their bodies will rub against each other, heating, and then he'll take her home. There she will invite him in and before she knows what's happening he will fuck the living daylights out of her. He'll do to her what you can't._

ENOUGH!

_Oooohhhh … is Haly-boy a little frustrated? Don't be. After all there's nothing you could do to stop what will happen tonight. She has needs and you can't get it up to satisfy them. So what? With all the things you are lacking in, it shouldn't matter that even in this department you fail. You __**are**__ a failure after all. But don't worry. We'll give that flaccid slab of flesh between your legs a nice matching name. Hmmmm… How about Little Limpy Hal, the dick from hell… or… Wimpy Wangdoodle, the sad saggy sorry excuse for a cock… oh wait…. Flabby Haly, from the land of limp dicks. _

I felt like putting a gun to my head when I heard the water in the shower stop.

_Oh my… Haaalyyy… Princess Stephanie is finished. Imagine how she must look now. Her sensuous curves all wet, water droplets running down her perky breasts and tight pink nipples. Binkie is one lucky guy, isn't he? You get the used towels and he gets to use your girl._

Thirty minutes of mental abuse later the devil shut up as the door to my bedroom opened. God, she was so stunningly beautiful in her exquisite Cashmere two-piece. Everything about her was heart-stopping. When her blue eyes zoned in on me, my mouth went dry and my heart restarted with a bang.

"How do I look?" Steph twirled slowly around giving me an amazing view from all sides.

"You look gorgeous, Angel. From all the women I know, you are the most beautiful."

The smile she gave me could have lit up all Trenton.

"Wish me luck," she whispered the moment there was a knock at my front door.

I had planned to be the one opening the door. I wanted to give Binkie a look making it clear that should Stephanie be anything less than jubilant tomorrow he would have to answer me. I even thought about uttering a threat to him while she got her wrap. Neither of those things happened. Before I had even a chance to hoist myself out of the recliner and push me upright on my crutches, Steph had already opened the door and from the sound and the blush on her face when she returned Binkie had given her a resounding kiss. I felt like screaming; but instead I put on my patented happy face, kissed my Angel good-bye and wished her a fun evening.

_Aaaaw … didn't she look sexy? Binkie will get lucky tonight. I'm seeing that outfit on the floor in the matter of a few hours. Are you picturing them together? Can you see his hands and lips caressing her velvet skin? Can you hear her moans and gasps? How about her screaming his name? Can you hear her scream 'Binkie' as she cums around him. She'll never scream your name, Haly! You'll never be able to satisfy her._

"Shut the fuck up," I shouted into the emptiness of my apartment. Rage was coursing through my body, my breathing was labored and I yearned to stagger after Binkie and beat him to a bloody pulp. Of course that would put me straight into the next hospital; but god, I hated him right now. Giving my anger room I roared and careened toward the kitchen where I had a fresh bottle of Lagavulin stashed. That was what I needed now; drowning the Devil in my head with my best Malt Whiskey friend. It helped all the nights before; it would help tonight.

Unbeknownst to me Vince had monitor duty up on five and alarmed saw Binkie knocking at my door and then leaving with a ravishingly beautiful Steph at his arm. Being the best friend he was, he knew that I didn't deal well with Steph's new dating-routine. It took him exactly thirty minutes to find someone relieving him; but it was too late.

~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~

"Hal?" Vince pounded at the door. "This is me, Vince. Open up."

_Geez, what a noise. Who was he? Caveman 2.1?_

"Hal? Open up!" More of the damn pounding.

"Okay, okay… 'm com'ng," I slurred.

Painfully I heaved my legs over the side of the recliner and concentrated… and concentrated some more. I needed my crutches. Looking around I found the fuckers lying lazily on the floor. Idle pack. I was in the process of sorting through my thoughts and mentally coordinating my next moves, when the pounding started again.

"Hal, if ya don't open up, I'll come in."

_Gosh! Then come in,_ I thought as I tried to straighten up while keeping my knees locked.

Keys turned in the lock on my front door as I cautiously tried to take a step forward. Bad move. From one second to the next the apartment started to spin violently, tilted over, and I crashed face first onto the coffee table.

"FUCK!" Vince came running into the living room while I moaning tried to sort through my limps. "Goddamn, Hal. What are you doing?"

I felt him grab me under the armpits and heave me over onto the couch. My legs had gotten twins and seemed to be interloped with each other. What a beautiful sight.

"Look at ma legsh," I giggled.

"There's nothing wrong with your legs; but your brain seems to have taken a vacation," Vince growled. "Did you drink all this?" He held the nearly empty Lagavulin in my face.

"Yep; but there's shtill a… a resht. Gimmi the boddle," I tried to grab for it.

"No way, buster. You've had enough for tonight," Vince stood up and went toward the kitchen, taking the Whiskey with him.

"Noooo, no fair… gimmi ma friend back, he ish all I got," I whined after him.

"You get some strong coffee, Mister. That's all."

I narrowed my eyes and saw Vince rummaging around in my kitchen. There was a nice lull going in my head and I closed my eyes, listening to… wait, been there done that. Not a good idea. Binkie was out with Steph. Mmmmmhh. She looked so beautiful. The skirt hugged her curves and under the cardigan shimmered deep blue silk. The Cashmere would feel heavenly soft under my hands. I would make sure she'd feel all my love as I rubbed slow circles on her back while nibbling at the velvet soft skin of her neck. Mmmmmhhh. God. Her enticing perfume filled my senses…

"Hal… Hal?"

Someone was shaking my shoulder. What the fuck?

"Hal… come on. Drink your coffee."

Reluctantly I opened my eyes to find several Vinces bent over my slummed body. Yeah, Steph had looked so much better than them. Gulping against the slight nausea I pushed myself upright and had to grab the armrest to keep from tilting.

"What the hell were you thinking getting plastered like that?" Vince and his twins asked concerned … _hehehe, twin Stephanies would be fun_.

Damn, they looked so caring. To spill the truth or not, that was the question. Oh well…

"Binkie took Shteph on a date. Their third," I held multiple-Vince four fingers into their many faces. "He kished her. Righ on my doorshep. Phat fucker kished her," I wept. "I should be the one kishing her; but phat fucker took her away from me. He will have… shex with her and then they will marry." Thick girly tears were running down my face; but who cared. Not me. Nope. I had a pity party going and was the guest of honor. "Tomorrow," I sniffed and gracefully wiped at my snotty nose, "she will be all happy and glowing and Binkie will run around all cocky cush he… he… he made love to her and will be her man for the resht of their life," I broke down in tears.

Okay. Forget at-least-half-manly Hal; welcome wimpy pansy Hal. The Devil was right, I was the biggest loser on earth.

"What?" Vince leaned closer. "Who's the devil?"

I turned my head over to him and tried to focus on the several Vince's sitting next to me.

"He'sh in my head. He ish a mean fucker too," I nodded affirmative.

Multiple-Vince looked at me and narrowed his many eyes. Geez, look at that. They were dancing. Could eyes dance?

"Man, you are seriously drunk. Listen, just because Binkie and Steph are on their third date doesn't mean they'll end up marrying each other. It just means that they like each other. Steph likes me, too, and Cal and Ram and Bobby and Lester and she'd never marry one of us. Stop imagining the worst possible scenarios. Get your head out of your ass, man up, and start wooing her. How's she supposed to know that you love her when you don't tell her?"

"I can't. I'm n..n..no man. I… I mean I'm no rreal man."

"What's that about?" Vince asked confused as he tried to keep me from sloshing my coffee all over the couch.

"Psssht," I held a finger in front of my lips, then looked first right, then left, before grabbing Vince shirt and pulling him close. "I'm in..o.. o.. operative," I whispered in Vince's ear, nodding meaningful.

"Huh?" Vince shook his head as a sign he didn't understand.

"Down there," I slurred and pointedly looked down at my crotch. "It don't work…"

Vince looked at me for a moment, taking in my unfocused eyes, my reeling upper body, and apparently couldn't believe what he was hearing. But then again, it wasn't like men would ever admit impotence. Sighing he took the coffee mug from my wavering hands, stood up and bent over the couch.

"Come on, my man. Time to hit the bathroom and then the bed. I'll stay here in case you need me."

I had other plans; but he ignored my drunken mumble, got me under my arms and heaved me into a standing position. Then transferred one of my arms over his shoulder, grabbed my waist and picked me up, carrying me through my bedroom into the bathroom. How embarrassing… I knew he'd never helped a grown man out of his clothes and on the toilet. Seemed to be time to grow some balls for both of us.


	11. The Clash

**_Disclaimer: All the characters you recognize from the Stephanie Plum books belong to Janet Evanovich._**

**_A/N: This story isn't beta'ed. Any grammar faults or spelling errors are not to be considered flaws or defects but enhance the individual beauty : )_**

**_Just like a thunderstorm it sometimes needs a good clash to clear the air. Eventually, Hal and Steph admit their feelings to each other though in the worst possible way. Now their hearts are lying in the open and they can finally start to heal._**

**_*~* Thank you so much to all the reviewers so far. Your feedback is cherished. You are a wonderful audience. *~*_**

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**Chapter 11 – The Clash**

**The next evening**

"Don't do it, Hal. You'll regret it."

Hal looked over at his best friend and took in his worried look. He hadn't really slept in two weeks, his work performance dropped to below zero and he was still hangoverish from last night's pity party with Mr. Lagavulin. Every lucent moment today he'd thought about Steph and the fucked up situation he was in and he was sure this was the only way for him to feel better. The outcome would hurt at first; but he couldn't go on as before.

"I have to, Vince. It's for the best. She will understand."

"She'll be pissed. That's what she will be. And rightfully. You are taking away her choices. She hates that."

"I'll deal with that should it happen. It's better she's pissed at me than…"

"Than what?"

"Than me suffering because of some dream that will never come true."

Vince took a deep breath and slowly let it go through his lips. "Fine. Just so you know, you are an asshole for doing this; but you are also my best friend. I have your back so let's get this show on the road."

Vince jumped out of the Escalade, got the wheelchair from the back and then stepped to the side to let Hal work himself over into the chair. Once he was seated they approached the single step to the entrance door.

"I'll wait in the car. Send me a text when you need help," Vince said after he had pulled Hal up the step and intro the entrance area.

Hal rolled over to the elevator and pressed the up button. His hands were sweaty and his heart was drumming in his chest like a feverish drum. He was about to hurt his Angel; but he didn't see a way around it. The last two weeks had been a purgatory of emotions. After Steph and C.K.'s night out all hell broke loose and as predicted the guys at Rangeman were jockeying for position to ask Steph for a date. Every night another one of them tried to woo her and Steph was in heaven. He was happy for her, really. She was blossoming out under all that attention; but at the same time it hurt like hell. He felt like he was giving himself over to her, telling her his most inner thoughts and feelings, holding her in his arms, just to lose her to another man each and every night when he wished it was him taking her to bed. Hal thought he could deal with just being friends with Steph; but he couldn't. He wanted more and it pained him to lie in bed at night wondering what his love was doing, whether she was lying in the arms of another man, being thoroughly loved by one of his colleagues. Every morning after a night of fitful dreams he would wake up with heaviness in his heart wondering whether she'd be taken when he saw her again.

The elevator came and it was small, too goddamn small. With a lot of finesse he managed to park himself in the cabin and arrived on the second floor in no time. Mentally sucking in his stomach and making the wheelchair smaller than it was he maneuvered himself backwards out of his cramped confines. There it was, the door to Steph's apartment. How many times had he run up here after some Bombshell alarm before he… no, no sense in dwelling in the past. Stopping in front of the door he listened for any sounds. Music was playing and he could hear Steph singing along. Warmth spread in Hal's chest and he smiled, enjoying the feeling. His Angel could hardly hold a note; but for him she had the most beautiful voice in the world. He knocked forcefully against the door and a moment later could hear the music being turned down and steps approaching the door.

"Hal?" The shock on Steph's face was highly visible. "What are you doing here?" She looked past him down the floor. "How did you get up here?"

Hal couldn't help but smile at her surprise and confusion. "Vince helped me, he's waiting outside in the car. Can I come in, Steph?"

"Of course. Come in, come in; but Zip is picking me up in half an hour."

The pang in Hal's chest only confirmed the rightness of his decision.

"No Problem. I won't be long, just wanted to talk to you about something," he said while rolling into her living room parking in front of the coffee table. When Steph sat down Indian style on the couch eagerly looking at him, it felt as though all oxygen left the room.

"Steph," Hal cleared his throat. He had memorized what he wanted to say; but now all the carefully formed words were gone, his mind empty. "Steph, you remember what I wrote in the picture book, right?"

"Of course. I'm always reading it when I feel down. What's wrong, Hal? You look miserable."

"It's just… things have changed," he took a deep breath.

"What do you mean?" Steph whispered with trepidation written all over her face. "You don't want to be friends anymore?" Her worst fear seemed to come true.

"No, no it's not like that! It's… Steph, it's complicated… I'd like to put a little distance between us. Not forever. Just for a while. I need some distance from you."

"But why?" Steph's eyes were glistening with unshed tears. She had always known that one day Hal wouldn't need her anymore and she'd become a burden; but deep inside she'd hoped that with him things would be different.

"I can see your thoughts on your face, Steph, and they aren't true. This has nothing to do with me being sick of you, on the contrary," Hal locked eyes with her. "My attempted suicide is nearing the year-mark. You and I have become very close over the past twelve months. Please believe me when I tell you that you are my best friend. More than that you are my soul mate and my biggest fear is to lose you. I love you more than anyone else in this world."

Steph looked at him, scrunching her brow while trying to comprehend what he was saying.

"Do you hear me, Steph? I. Love. You. Like a man loves a woman. I yearn for your heart, your soul and your body. When I close my eyes I see the two of us together as couple, living together, sharing our lives. I know that won't happen. I'm paraplegic and can't offer you what you long for and deserve. Don't," Hal stopped her when it looked as though Steph wanted to say something. "I make high demands on myself when it comes to relationships plus I know your most secret dreams, remember? I can't be that man for you, not now, not ever. You are in your prime, you deserve a man who can keep up with you. Who can protect you, lay the world at your feet and put you on a pedestal."

Hal watched the tears silently running down Steph's cheeks and it ripped his heart to shreds. Maneuvering himself closer to her, he cupped her face and gently wiped the salty moisture away.

"I'm sorry for hurting you. Please believe me when I say I'm in as much pain as you; but I can't go on as before. It hurts to be so close to you, having all these dreams for us and at the same moment knowing it will never happen. Every time one of the guys asks you out it feels as though my world is shattering. My heart has long been ripped out of my chest. I need some time to get over these feelings for you. Can you understand that? This has nothing to do with us no longer being friends; just give me some time to put my heart back together and in the right place. Okay?"

When Steph nodded meekly, Hal leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss on her cheek, lingering to breathe in her scent. "I'll find my way out."

With that he rolled backwards, turned toward the door and a minute later Steph heard the distinct click of the locks, shutting him out of her world. Frozen in shock she sat stock-still on the couch. Hal loved her. He loved her and just like that he turned her down without ever giving her a chance. Why was it that men always thought they had to make decisions for her?

Downstairs Hal managed to open the heavy entrance door and roll outside the building. He saw Vince jump out of the rick; but stopped him with his hand. He was hurting; his heart, his body, everything. What he now needed was to show himself that he was no loser; that he could deal with this fucking step on his own. Cautiously he rolled to the brink and slowly let the castors go over the edge. His footplates scratched over the stone of the sidewalk and Hal felt himself losing his balance. In the end the descent was bumpy and the wheelchair nearly tilted; but he managed. Vince understood. He got back into the Escalade and waited for Hal to open the passenger door and heave himself onto the seat. Just then he stepped out and stashed the wheelchair into the trunk.

"You okay, man?" Vince looked over at him once they left Steph's parking lot and were on their way back to Rangeman.

Hal shook his head no. He couldn't talk. His heart was heavy, hurting with piercing pain and he just wanted to get back to his apartment and be alone.

#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~

"No, I won't go," Vince leaned against the dining table, his arms crossed over his chest and glared at Hal.

"I said leave me the fuck alone," Hal growled, balancing on his crutches in front of the open refrigerator.

"No, you are in no condition to be left alone. Remember the Whiskey session last night? Or even better, your suicide last year? I nearly lost you once. I won't risk you falling into a deep depression and doing something stupid when I can help it."

Roaring with fury, Hal grabbed a bottle of water and lugged himself over to the couch. He was pissed; at Vince, himself and the world in general. Why couldn't he get some peace when he needed it?

"Ella? I'm at Hal's. He needs some comfort food, cake or ice cream or something like that. Can you help?" Vince spoke into his cell phone.

"What the fuck? I don't want to eat. Stop interfering with my life!" Hal shouted from his perch on the sofa, his face red with anger.

Vince got right into Hal's face. "Someone has to because you sure as hell are fucking up! I won't sit on the sideline watching you drowning in self-pity all the while hurting everybody around you."

"Obviously I'm not offending enough cuz you are still here," Hal snarled, his eyes burning.

For a moment it looked like Vince's fist was striking out for a punch; but then he recollected himself and stood straight.

"I know you are trying to sufficiently piss me off to get me out of your apartment; but that won't work. The more aggressive you try, the more adamant I am to stay so spare your energy, buster."

Hal glowered at him before closing his eyes in defeat. "Please leave," he begged quietly; but it was fruitless. Vince got himself a bottle of water and sat down next to him.

"Never, my friend, never. We are in this together," he bumped Hal's shoulder and they stayed silence for a while. "How about we invite Bobby, Cal and Ram over and party your sorrow away. Ella will soon bring some treats for you. We could order pizza. You'll feel better when you're not alone, believe me."

Three hours later the men were lounging around the coffee table full of pizza boxes and empty beer bottles and Hal was feeling no pain, physically or emotionally. He was still coherent; but loose enough to let go of the tension and hurt in him. When there was a knock at the door, Bobby stood up to get it. His eyes got huge when he saw Steph standing on the other side. The fury on her face made him gulp and take a step backward. He hadn't seen her this angry ever since he knew her. Before he could collect himself, she stormed past him and into the living room.

"This is for you, asshole," he heard Steph shout.

Bobby hurried back around the corner just in time to see her slap Hal so resounding onto his left cheek that his head flew sideward.

"Did you really think you could come over and feed me all this bullshit without hearing back from me?" Her loud voice echoed through the apartment.

The remaining men sat frozen in their places while Hal rubbed his burning cheek.

"How dare you tell me you love me and then in the same breath shuck me off like some ratty old sneakers. Fuck you Halvard Kjell Bengtsson. You took my choices away without asking me how I felt. I'm so fed up with men thinking they have to make decisions for me. Did you just once stop and consider that I could have feelings for you, too? That I waited for you to ask me out? Who are you to think you know what I want? Did you contemplate, just once, that perhaps I don't need someone who can lay the world at my feet? Or that I don't want to be put on a pedestal?" Steph's screeching voice made the men wince. "No, you assume that being in a wheelchair and a paraplegic roots you out for me and heroic as you are, you step back to make room for other able-bodied men. Fuck you, asshole. What does your condition have to do with how deeply I care about you? You wanna know what you are? A wimp, bathing in self-pity. That's what you are. You are so busy pitying yourself it makes me sick. Get your head outta your ass and live a man's life. Being in a wheelchair isn't a death sentence."

"What do you know about being in a wheelchair?" Hal grabbed his crutches and was now standing right in front of her, bending to stare into her fiery eyes. The alcohol had eased him, his voice was loud and he wouldn't take shit from someone who knew nothing about him. "You have no clue! You are talking shit here without ever being in my position."

"Excuse me? I have shared your life with you for the past twelve months. I know as much about your condition as any regular person can. I never pitied you, always supported you and cheered you on and this is how you are talking to me? News flash: I don't care about the wheels, I care about the man sitting in them. But thanks anyway. Now I know at least what you thinkabout me."

"Bullshit," Hal's voice thundered through the apartment. Lesser men would have peed themselves; but Steph didn't care. She was beyond pissed. "You know shit. I agree you are good as a pick-me-up; but that's where your knowledge ends. Just because we talked doesn't mean I told you anything about how I really feel. You wouldn't be able to deal with that. And you should be thankful that I pulled back. After all it means I'm no jerk ignoring your needs; but thinking ahead with your best interests in my mind. Or do you want to tell me you could live with someone with an erectile dysfunction? Yeah, you got that right Steph. I'm Mr. limp dick. I can't get it up. Now tell me, could you live with that when you are wearing out your shower massager on a weekly basis and are whining when you didn't have a social orgasm in two months? Puh-leaze, Steph. Get real. You need one of those energizer-bunnies in this building who can service you at your beg and call."

Steph's hand moved so fast, Hal never saw it coming. Her second slap was so forceful it pushed him backward onto the couch. The next moment she was on him, straddling his legs and hitting whatever came under her hands. Hal had pushed her over the edge and she wanted to physically hurt him.

"Steph, stop," she heard Ram's calm voice through her tears and sobs of anger and pain. He had picked her up and held her in his arms, pressed to his chest. "He's an asshole," Ram quietly spoke into her ear; "but you can't attack him like that."

"See?" she struggled out of his grip, her voice loud and fiery. "That right here is the difference. For you he's a poor disabled man in a wheelchair. You feel sorry for him, enforcing the self-pity he has going. For me, he's just a man and a jerk in addition who should get his ass handed to him."

With that she yanked out of the hold Ram's hands still had on her, turned and walked out of the apartment.

"Goddamn," Vince turned around. "You are such a fuckhead, Hal. How could you?" Without another glance back at his friend he nodded to Bobby and followed Steph.

"Steph? Steph, wait for me," he called after her in the stairwell. Taking three steps at a time he quickly caught up with her. "Steph, honey. Please talk to me," he stopped and turned her toward him.

"I don't know what there is to talk about," she angrily wiped at the tears still falling down her cheeks. "Hal got his point across. He lied to me about his feelings. He thinks the only thing I'm good for is entertainment. And to top all that I'm obviously a nymphomaniac that needs to be serviced several times a day or otherwise can't exist."

She tried to yank out of his hand; but Vince held tight and pulled her to his chest.

"Honey," his hands started to draw soothing circles on her back. "He behaved like an asshole and right now I'd like to be the one to hand him his ass as you suggested; but you have to believe me, he lied. You know him better and understand him better than anybody else, me included. He loves you more than anything. You are his heart and his soul. I don't know what got into him upstairs. I can just assume that he acted like that out of self-protection."

"But why? I'm no danger to him," Steph looked up into Vince eyes and he could have gotten lost in the deep blue that was swimming with tears.

"That's wrong, honey. You hold all the power over him. One click of your fingers and he could lie destroyed on the ground. He told me he's never been so deeply in love with someone as he is with you and it scares the living hell outta him. Now take into account that he in fact is sitting in a wheelchair, just starting to adjust to this new life. Plus this damn erectile dysfunction… He feels like he's just half a man and can't give you what you deserve."

"He thinks I'm shallow."

"He's an idiot," she heard the smile in Vince's voice. "He was afraid to get hurt so he lashed out. Believe me, I will personally wash his mouth for that one. Dumbfuck."

That enticed a small chuckle from Steph.

"That's my honeybell," Vince leaned back and smiling wiped some stray tears away.

"What shall I do, Vince?"

"Listen to your heart, Steph, and give him some time to fledge in his new life. As you said, he needs to realize that being in a wheelchair is no death-sentence, that he's still a man and can still lead a fully satisfying life. Stay true to yourself and work on your own problems, don't take on his, too. That's what Bobby and I are here for. When fate wants the two of you to become a couple, it will happen."

"Okay," she nodded and took a deep breath to settle her nerves. After a final hug, she stepped back out of Vince's embrace, squeezed his hands a last time and then turned to continue her descent to the garage. There was a lot to think about and she had to stop at the Seven-Eleven on her way home to get some B&Js.


	12. Growing Stronger

**_Disclaimer: All the characters you recognize from the Stephanie Plum books belong to Janet Evanovich._**

**_A/N: This story isn't beta'ed. Any grammar faults or spelling errors are not to be considered flaws or defects but enhance the individual beauty : )_**

**_Sometimes it's necessary to heal seperately before considering a serious relationship because otherwise it's prone to fail. Steph realizes that and with the help of two new friends she tackles her issues to become stronger and more confident._**

* * *

**Chapter 12 – Growing Stronger**

**December 6th, exactly one year after Hal's attempted suicide**

_Flashback…_

_Two weeks had passed since that cursed night that shook up the deep blossoming friendship between Hal and Steph. Two long, hard and grounding weeks. That night, when Steph was finally home, no resilience in the world could have __stopped __the nervous breakdown distressing her. All the carefully built walls of fake strength and cheeriness crumbled, leaving her lying on her bed in a heap of misery. It wasn't necessarily Hal's words; her life as a whole simply sucked. So many people tossed her around as though it was a game and she was the ball; but most important, she let them. There wasn't anybody else responsible but she herself. Major changes were necessary and for the first time in her life Steph felt no desire to flee to Denial Land. She was fed up. Suffering from her emotional pain, she wasn't aware of the two men silently entering her apartment until Cal and Ram appeared in the doorframe to her bedroom. It was the moment her healing process started. _

_The two men stayed the whole night, quietly talking to her, holding her in their strong arms, sharing her bed, and she learned one of the best kept secrets within the Rangeman company. Cal and Ram were in love with each other, deeply. __Their relationship __started fifteen years ago and they__'__d gotten __married nearly five __years ago after they __both left the military. No one aside from her knew, not even the core team. _

_The next morning came and they dragged her out of bed and to the Aquatics Center. There was no sign of Bobby or Hal. It seemed Hal had drunke__n __himself sick after she left the night before. At that point, nobody could __see __how deep he'd fall into depression or that he wouldn't be seen again. Steph worried about him; but as Vince said __the night before, __she had to take care of her own problems. Hal's fight wasn't hers. _

_Cal, Ram and she had a great training filled with play, fun and laughter and for a while Steph could forget the dark storm in her heart. Afterwards__, __they took her for a huge breakfast __at __the Pancake House and together they made plans for her immediate future. It was exactly the support and love she needed. She would continue her swim training for endurance, in addition Cal would train her in self-defense and she bravely agreed to __gun __training with Ram. The hardest part wasn't the shooting training but agreeing to the additional training in general. As though they'd know what was going on in her, Cal and Ram proved to be the best because they suggested working with her outside the Rangeman building. It was the perfect solution. Steph was gun-shy, didn't want to feel the eyes of the other guys on her while she stumbled over the mats or missed one target after the other. Every day __for __the past two weeks she'd spent time with one or both of them__. O__n the weekends, Ram and Cal took her to their beach house at Seaside Heights to relax and for some self-discovery. For the first time in her life Steph felt like she was really in control and accomplishing something._

_End of flashback..._

Steph stood in front of her mirror and narrowed her eyes at the wild curls framing her face. It was a quarter to six in the morning; but she'd surprisingly gotten used to getting up this early. Trying to tame her bed hair into an acceptable ponytail, she smiled when there was a soft knock at her front door.

"Come in," she hollered and heard her locks tumble a moment later.

"Steph?"

"Bathroom."

"Hey Sweetie," Cal hugged her from behind and rested his head on top of hers, watching their reflection in the mirror. "You are so absolutely beautiful. Wild and uncontrollable like a blaze," he whispered adoringly before pressing a loving kiss to her cheek and vanishing toward the kitchen.

"Will Hal be with us today?" Steph asked as every morning when she stepped into his arms, grabbing a mug of fresh coffee in the process.

Cal shook his head no and she saw her worry mirrored in his eyes.

"For the past two weeks, he's been hunkered down in his apartment, Cal. Today is the anniversary of his attempted suicide. Christmas will be here soon, the holidays have the highest suicide rate. I'm really scared for him."

"Me and Ram, too, sweetie. We are all alarmed. Bobby and Vince are with him nearly 24/7 trying to get him out of his apartment and to work up on five. The Rangeman therapist saw him three times each week; but Bobby is seriously thinking about the benefits of a stay in Philly. Hal would be with others in similar conditions. Perhaps being around like-affected people will help him tackle this new depressive episode."

"I'll talk to him."

"Sweetie, I'm not sure that's a good idea after what happened."

"Cal, I miss him like hell. He was in a semi good place until the two of us clashed. I won't allow him to pull an ostrich because of me. He loves me, I gravitate towards him. If he wants a chance with me, he needs to get a grip and work on his problems as I'm working on mine. Period."

#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~

After a whole hour of focused swim training, Steph felt dead on her feet; but also incredibly satisfied. She and Cal were sitting in the Pancake House waiting for their order when Ram surprisingly joined them. He bent down to kiss her cheek and Steph's mouth fell open when he also pressed a soft kiss on Cal's lips. It was the first time she'd ever seen them being affectionate in public.

"It's all you, Sweetie," Cal smiled happily. "You are so accepting. You make us relax and enjoy our love for each other. Everything is easy when you're around us."

Breakfast was a beautiful affair with Steph enjoying her huge stack of pancakes while Cal and Ram stuck to some fruit salads with yoghurt. They never once tried to make her eat healthier and she loved them even more for that.

"Steph," Ram took her free hand and entwined their fingers once he had finished his fruits. "You know Christmas is in a few weeks and you haven't mentioned anything about going to your parents so Cal and I wondered whether you'd like to celebrate with us at Seaside Heights. We'd really love to have you with us."

His brown eyes were so soft and loving that Steph had to gulp.

"I'd love to," she jumped up with glee, squeezed herself onto his lap and hugged him hard until Cal cleared his throat and with open arms ordered his own hug. "I thought about going to my parents; but only because I didn't want to be alone. Being with you two will be a thousand times better," Steph beamed. "But what about Hal? I'm worried to leave him alone in Trenton."

"He won't be alone, Sweetie. Bobby and Vince will both be with him and we'll drive over in the afternoon and try to pick him up for a Christmas concert to get him out of the building. I met Bobby in the gym earlier and he said should there be any reason to believe that Hal could be struck by some stupid ideas he would personally bring him back to Philly. They know his case and can get him the care and support he needs better than we can. Bobby won't take any chances," Ram soothed her.

"I will talk to Hal later when I'm in the office," Steph nodded. "Cal isn't sure it's a good idea; but I can't deal with him suffering because of me. These past two weeks he hid out I've missed him so much. I long for him and I want my Hal back; but that can only happen when he gets a grip on his life."

Ram's smile was warm and full of affection as he brushed a wayward curl behind her ear that had sprung out of her ponytail. "You listen to you heart, Sweetie, and do what it tells you. It will lead you the right way," he gently caressed her face and pressed a tender kiss to the side of her head.

Two weeks ago she'd been sure that behind Ram's calm, always composed Sniper exterior hid a wonderful friend; but never would she have guessed that he was this gentle and tender. He'd been her go-to man whenever she needed comfort or a hug in these past two weeks and he generously shared his heart with her.

"Guys," Steph uncomfortably played with the hem of her sweater. "Don't flip out," she cleared her throat, "but would one of you perhaps be willing to go after a skip with me?" Uncertain she lifted her eyes and looked into the blinding smiles of her two friends.

"Are you serious, Steph? I'd love to," Ram beamed over his whole face. "Does that mean you are finally ready to ask for help when needed?" He grabbed her hand and squeezed it.

Shrugging her shoulders, Steph blushed and picked invisible fluff from her sweater. "I guess I'm finally growing up and with you it feels comfortable. We've become so close; you've seen me at my worst and loved me only more. For the first time I don't feel like a failure when asking for help. My whole life I spent with hearing from my mother that I'm not good enough. All I ever wanted was to prove myself and my pride got in the way of asking for help."

"What do you mean your pride got in the way?" Cal had picked up her other hand and softly drew small circles on the back.

"It's like… see… if I ask for help and get it, the accomplishments aren't solely mine. Asking for help proves me failing to do it on my own."

"Sweetie," Cal sighed and pulled her over onto his lap. "Do you still feel like that?" He put his head on her shoulder and nuzzled her ear.

"A little, yes," she shrugged, "but I can hardly tell Hal to ask for and accept help when I'm not willing to do so myself, right? It's time to grow some balls," she smiled shyly.

"Sweetie, you know you don't have to answer and we'll be the last on earth to judge; but… what's the deal with Hal?" Ram asked, watching his husband snuggling with Steph across from him.

"I don't know… I really don't," Steph played with Cal's napkin to give her hands something to do. "Hal's as wonderful and comfortable as a million thread sheet or your favorite sweater. Everything is easy with him and I feel incredibly safe and secure when he's around. He's pushed Ranger from his pedestal as best friend because Hal shares everything with me – his past, his heart, his dreams, his troubles, his good and bad days. He doesn't let me hide but calls me out for it and whatever the problem is, no matter how small it is, he's right there by my side to help me work through it. He's… amazing," Steph bit her lip. "That first day at the Aquatics Center when he lifted me out of the water, I felt a tingle surge through my body and when he held me in his arms afterwards, I wished for a moment he'd kiss me," she blushed. "Now, everything's so complicated. It was so much easier when I didn't have to think about it. All I can do now is beat my brain about him and me and us."

Cal's arms pulled Steph backwards against his broad chest and she felt him press a kiss to her neck.

"Don't overthink it," Ram said from across the table. "What will be, will be. The moment you try to influence fate, everything will go south. Believe me, I learned that lesson the hard way," he winked at Cal. "I grew up in a very small, very religious community. All I wanted to be was a good catholic boy with a wife and 2.5 kids my parents could be proud of. Every pull I felt to that moron over there," he nodded smiling toward Cal, "was adamantly fought. To what avail? I was so distracted that an ambush nearly cost me my life if it hadn't been for Cal pushing me down and covering my body with his. It was the beginning of our relationship. You can't fight what's already written down in the books."

~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~

Several hours later, Ram's words still lingering in her mind, Steph descended the stairwell to Hal's apartment. She was tired, her head and eyes hurting after a long day of searches. Everything in her longed for Hal's warm and strong embrace if things were just different between them. Knocking at his door, she was surprised to see Bobby opening it.

"Hey Honey," he stepped forward, hugged her and pressed a kiss to the side of her head. "Cal sent me a text you'd come down. Hal is in the bedroom. He's not in a good frame of mind. I will step out to give you privacy; but keep it civil. No one will be here to save him and I don't want you to spend Christmas in a cell waiting to be arraigned on murder charges."

Steph punched him in the arm, smiling at his proclamation of pain, and shut the door in his astounded face. Yep, she had definitely gained strength in these past two weeks.

"Hal?" She called out softly after knocking at the bedroom door. "It's me, Steph. May I come in?"

An undistinguishable grunt made her hesitantly step into the dimly lit room. Hal lay on his bed, his face turned toward her and the anguish written all over it broke her heart. It didn't matter who was right or that he'd behaved like an ass, she had to mend things between them. Being the reason for this pain killed her. Choosing her steps carefully, never leaving his eyes, Steph slowly found her way over to his bed and stopped. So many words they couldn't say were communicated with their eyes; pain, sorrow, affection and the plea for forgiveness. Vince, Cal, Ram, they all had told her to listen to her heart so Steph shucked off her boots, cautiously climbed onto the bed and cuddled up to Hal. No words were needed, no questions asked, no permissions given. They were two lost souls finding comfort in the presence of the other. When Hal's arms came around Steph's back, pulling her closer into him, the tears of relief were overwhelming.

"I'm so sorry, Angel; so incredibly sorry. I was an ass and I hurt and pushed away the one person I love most in this world next to Jerry. I don't know how to repair what I did to you."

"There's nothing to repair, Hal. My anger over your words lasted exactly until I was back at my apartment and had a nervous breakdown. Since then I've just terribly missed you."

Neither of them lifted their head or interacted other than keeping close body contact. It felt so good; as though they were finally home again.

"It kills me to think that I'm the cause of such pain in you that you broke down," Hal eventually whispered.

"It was necessary; a turning point for me. Lots of things have changed these past two weeks. Cal and Ram picked me up and brushed me off. We've become close friends. They are training me, you know? I'll spend my vacation over Christmas and New Year's Eve with them at their beach house," Steph hesitated. "There's a painful, empty hole in my heart where you used to be; but otherwise I'm fine."

She felt his chest quiver and looked up to see silent tears running down his cheek.

"So that's it, right?" Hal's voice sounded agonized. "I messed up and lost you forever."

"That's not what I meant," Steph wiped away the witnesses of his anguish, "but I can't fight your battle and drag you along with me. You need to stand up and be your own man. What happened to the Hal that came home from Philly and was full of zest for his life?"

Just when Steph thought he wouldn't answer her, Hal started to talk again.

"The more I fell in love with you, the more I yearned for you at my side, the more I became painfully aware of all my shortcomings. From day to day I felt the darkness creep closer to me and then one day it sucked me in."

Steph put her head back down onto his chest and tried to reign in the thoughts assaulting her mind.

"Do you remember our first morning at the Aquatics Center? You enveloped me in your arms after I finished my first lane. That moment, I looked at your lips and wished you'd kiss me. The feeling of our chests pressed together in the water, slick, with nothing but the thin cloth of my bathing suit separating us sent tingles through my body. I didn't feel all-consuming love; but I realized that morning that there was a growing attraction. If you'd just given those feelings time to grow, who knows; but yeah… you messed that up."

"Fuck… Where does that leave us?" Hal's hand started to move in slow circles at the small of Steph's back.

"Well, doing this circle-thingy at my back is a first step," she snuggled even closer to him. "Aside from that you need to get a grip on your life, Hal. You are longing for the good old days, when you were a top-notch fighting machine and nobody could easily get the upper hand on you. As hard as it is, that time is over and it will never come back. You have to accept that and move on."

"Do you have a clue how hard that is?"

"After I shared the past year with you, celebrating the highs and pushing you through the lows, I think I at least got an impression. On a smaller scale I'm doing the same – saying good-bye to the past and molding my future. After we are done we won't just be Hal and Steph reloaded but the upgrade 2.1," she smiled.

Hal kept silent.

"Go out there and start living again," Steph continued. "Aside from our swim training and that two visits at my place you haven't left the building once since you came back in August and we have December. I'd be stir-crazy by now. You can do everything you want, Hal. Sports, hobbies. Please, try it."

"Will that help to mend us?"

"Yes," Steph nodded against his chest. "Very much."


	13. Hal's Comeback

**_Disclaimer: All the characters you recognize from the Stephanie Plum books belong to Janet Evanovich._**

**_A/N: This story isn't beta'ed. Any grammar faults or spelling errors are not to be considered flaws or defects but enhance the individual beauty : )_**

**_Not much to say about this chapter... Hal loves Steph. He would do anything for her - even come up to five and work - but he remains depressed and a simple thing like lunch at Pino's causes the anxiety in him to flare up. However, when his Angel is in need of help, he's right there and even finds his smile..._**

* * *

**Chapter 13 - Hal's Comeback  
**

**The next morning**

"Hey Sweetie, I've got a monitor shift till 1400; but then I'm free to go wrangle up your skip with ya," Ram stood at the break-room door watching Steph's behind poke out from one of the lower cabinets.

"Holy Hell, Beautiful," Les appeared next to him. "Why is Ram getting a one-man show? I thought we had something special and here you are showing off the goods to him. That cuts me deep."

"Lester Santos," an intimidating growl echoed from the depths of the storage unit, "stop acting like such a drama queen and stop staring at my tush, God damnit! I swear one of these days I'm gonna make you a ball-less man."

"Beautiful, you're killing me here. Your heart-shaped ass makes me weak in the knees and hearing you refer to my balls..."

"LESTER YOUR A PIG!" Steph crawled backwards and stood facing the door. Her cheeks were flushed and her hair lay like a wild halo around her face. She flipped Les the bird. "Someone stole the Tasty Cake I had stashed in the back," she blew a wayward strand away from her eyes and menacingly stared at the two men in front of her, hands on hips, foot tapping. "You know anything about that?"

"Don't look at me, Sweetie. I'd rather die than come between you and your sweets," Ram laughed and lifted his hands in defense.

Steph's glare wandered over to Les who slowly started to retreat. "See, Beautiful, it was like... an emergency." Steph narrowed her eyes, never letting her stare waver from his face. "Tank forced a double shift on me," he stumbled slightly, "I swear I was hypoglycemic. That Tasty Cake saved my life."

Ram laughed out loud as Lester turned and beat it toward his cubicle squealing like a little girl. Before Steph could run after him, Ram's arms came around her middle and he pulled her against his chest.

"Let the kid live another day, tiger," he chuckled and rubbed her sides. "If you want, I'll take you to lunch later. Then we can go after your skip and I'll get you a donut or two as treat afterwards, deal?"

~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~

An hour later Steph sat at her desk, deeply immersed in a search she was doing for Tank, when a well-known deep voice cleared its throat behind her.

"Oh my god, look what the cat dragged in," She smiled brightly as she swiveled around and found Hal in his wheelchair in the entry to her cubicle. He looked dangerous and intimidating with his two-week beard and the cheerless facial expression; but the little tug at the corner of his lips gave his joy in seeing her away.

"I didn't have enough energy for either a shave or swimming this morning; but a certain friend told me to get my ass going and sort things out so here I am."

"I'm glad," Steph stood up, slid on his lap and hugged him hard. "That's the first step in the right direction. You busy or do you want to help me with a search?" She offered him an olive branch.

"Oh please, let me help with the search. They are the purpose of my life," he rolled his eyes and winked at her.

"Sarcastic much, eh?" Steph grinned as Hal parked his wheels next to her swivel chair and started to read through the first stack of results. At two P.M. they were still going strong, bent over their papers and chuckling about something when Ram appeared behind them.

"Hey Hal," he nodded and smiled. "Good to see you back on five, man. Wanna accompany Steph and me to Pino's for lunch?"

Something in Hal's eyes flared. Fear? It was gone too fast to define; but with an abrupt movement he shook his head no.

"Thanks; but I'll have a sandwich in the break room," his blank face had suddenly slammed down, causing Steph to scrunch her brow in concern.

"You okay?" She watched him for any sign of… whatever… any sign at all; but he was an allegory of bleak blankness.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," he grabbed a bunch of papers to tap them into a neat stack and pointedly stared away from her. "You go and have fun with Ram. I'll finish this search for you." He did nothing to hide the disappointment and frustration in his voice.

"Hal...," Steph placed one of her hands on his arm, stopping its movement. "Ram and I are just friends; nothing more. He's going to help me with a skip afterwards," she took a guess at what was bothering him.

"I know, Steph. I don't care about you and him. I just don't want to leave the building, 'kay?" Came Hal's testy response.

Steph's shoulders slumped and with a heavy heart she rose from her chair, picked up her bag and wished him a good day. Last night, even a few minutes ago, there'd been so much comfort between them and now it suddenly felt as though he was a million miles away.

~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~

"I don't understand what that was all about with Hal. One second he's fine and comfortable with me and the next, he's cold and stand-offish." Steph picked up her meatball sub and sighed.

"Sweetie, stop worrying," Ram watched her with sympathy. "You know better than anyone that you can't expect things to change overnight. Look what you achieved; Hal came up to five and worked with you for a few hours. That is an amazing accomplishment! He hasn't left his apartment in two weeks no matter how hard we've tried to make him. I don't know what you said to him last night; but it worked wonders."

"It's just… he's in such emotional pain. I didn't expect his depressions to ever be as bad again as they were those first few weeks in Philly when he was just lying in his bed, unapproachable."

"He had a set-back and most likely it won't be his last. The Rehab center in Philly was a safe place. Now, he has to prove himself in real life and it's turning out to be more difficult than he imagined. Well, shit happens. He knows that it's time to regroup for another try. To me it looks as though he's doing exactly that. He got out of bed, came up to five, worked with you and my offer for lunch overwhelmed him so he shut down and got grouchy. Tomorrow's a new day."

"He's become so lean," Steph bit into her sub and chewed with a worried expression on her face. It was so confusing. She cared so much for Hal; but was it love? The thought scared her. "I snuggled up to him last night and could feel every single rib and his hip-bones, as though he hasn't eaten at all these last two weeks," her protective instincts took over.

"Snuggled up to him, eh?" Ram grinned at his thoughtful friend. "No wonder he was in such a good mood today."

Steph stuck out her tongue as any adult woman would do in this situation and continued to moan her way through lunch much to Ram's amusement.

"Thank god I like my moans several notches deeper and manlier. That voice-box is a killer on any straight guy," he grinned. "Now, tell me about our skip."

"Chet Manson," Steph licked her fingers and searched for the file in her bag. "Suspected of embezzlement of public funds; but the TPD could never provide evidence. They got him for petty crime, didn't pay his tickets – eighty-two tickets to be exact. He's 5'9" and 160 lbs, very athletic, got a wrestling scholarship for college. He lives in a houseboat at the waterfront and is very sneaky. I've been trying to get him for more than two weeks. The bond expires in three days."

"Do you have any leads?" Ram leafed through the file.

"Tried his workplace and his girl-friend's apartment several times; but he would always escape. Now he knows that I'm after him. His girl-friend is out of town, I watched her leave with a big suitcase the other day. This week his shift ends at three o'clock. I'd like to try his home address. Hopefully, with the water on one side his options for a flight are limited."

"Perhaps we should call Cal and tackle him from three sides?"

"Do you think he'd be willing to come?"

"Serious, Steph? He was miffed that I left him behind for lunch. Sure as hell he wants in on the fun for the takedown. Besides it can't hurt to have a SEAL on board when water is involved."

Half an hour later, winter's early darkness was throwing its cloak over Trenton, the three of them exited the truck they'd come in and cat-like flitted through the twilight towards the row of small houseboats anchored to the pier. The snow that had fallen the other day had frozen making the wooden runways icy and ordering their full attention.

"Which one is it?" Cal whispered as they hunched down behind a railing, trying to cover themselves from the direct view the skip could have on them.

THUD

"Ouch."

Ram vainly tried to hold back the chuckle leaving his throat as Steph lay sprawled on her back in front of him.

"Shut your flap, Mister," she growled and scrambled back onto her feet, slithering on the ice. "It's the middle one without any lit windows."

"Perhaps he's not at home," Ram's breath crystallized in front of his mouth.

Steph cautiously peered over the railing towards the house. "He is. At least his car is parked at the curb about twenty yards in front of us."

"Hmpf."

Raising her eyebrows, Steph turned to Cal who'd put his hands under his arms.

"That means let's go before my balls become frozen and shrivel to the size of peas."

This time Steph couldn't hold back her chuckle. "Poor Cal. I'm sure Ram will gladly lend you and your balls a warming hand."

THUD

"Goddamn Steph," Ram sat grinning on his butt on the icy runway. "You can't say such stuff when I'm supposed to concentrate on a skip."

"Okay, enough," Cal, the voice of reason. "Let's get this fucking skip. I was preparing dinner when you called. It's in the slow-cooker waiting for us to come home."

That got Ram's and Steph's attention and together the three slowly advanced toward the water. There was a porch all around the house and a small motor-boat tied up on the water side. By hand signals they quietly communicated where each of them would stand. Steph would knock at the front, Ram would be on the other side at the backdoor, and Cal was supposed to block the access path to the houses. Then everything happened in a blur.

"Chet Manson," Steph hollered, banging on the front door. "Law enforcement. You're in violation of your bond and I need to take you to court to reschedule."

There seemed to be a commotion at the back door. Steph heard some groans and cussing, then fast steps approaching her. Ram's warning cry sounded the same second Manson slithered around the corner of the porch and slammed into her. A jumble of movement ensued. Steph's boots lost their grip on the icy wood. Cal saw them both go down with Manson on top. His efforts to get over to Steph put him painfully right down onto both knees. Meanwhile Ram came half hobbling, half sliding around the corner of the house and tried to grab one of Chet Manson's legs who rolled with Steph over the porch in a wild tussle. Every time it seemed Manson got the upper hand, Steph countered with a move taught by Cal and the fight continued.

"Ram, get him," Cal called over to his partner while sliding as fast as he could the runway down to the house.

"Jokester," Ram grumbled as he once more tried to get a hold on Manson on the icy ground. The man was like an eel, wiggling and writhing, never at the same spot for more than the fracture of a second. A well-targeted kick hit Ram right in the face, sending him flying backwards.

That was enough. With a roar Steph capitalized on Mansion's momentary imbalance and pushed him to the side, grabbing the front of his shirt and following him over the edge into the icy cold water of the Delaware River.

"Fuck! Steph," Cal and Ram slid into each other and the next second bend over the end of the porch.

There, a yard away of them, she came to the surface, spitting and cussing, with Manson in a tight choke hold.

"I could use some help here," she growled while fastening her grip around Manson's throat even more.

It was a matter of moments before Steph and the skip lay on the snowy ground of the porch, shaking like hell.

"I did it. I got him all alone," Steph's teeth chattered.

"Yeah, sweetie. All alone. You were amazing," Ram brushed her wet hair out of her face. "Now we have to get you out of these wet clothes before your core temperature starts to drop."

Minutes later, Steph, who was wrapped in a thick blanket, and Manson huddled together in the backseat while Cal pushed the speed limits towards Rangeman.

"Hal? This is Ram. We got the skip; but Steph took a dip in the Delaware. Can you let a hot bath into your tub and I'll bring her upstairs to you in a few? Gotcha."

"Hey, and what about me?" Manson dared to ask.

The deep menacing growl from Cal instantly shut him down.

"Hal's waiting for you, Sweetie," Ram told her from the front. "He'll take good care of you while Cal and I will get Mr. Frost to the TPD."

~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~

"Bring her straight into the bathroom," Hal rolled aside as Ram carried Steph past him.

"I can barely hold her she's shaking so much and her nails and lips are already turning blue," Ram sat her down on one of the cabinets and without delay started to strip her off her clothes.

Steph tried to protest; but the clattering of her teeth prevented any coherent words.

"No false shame, Sweetie," his voice was soft; but assertive. "You need to get into the warm water as fast as possible."

Behind him Hal blushed and turned around to give them privacy. "I put some oil in the water that will increase the blood flow."

"Good thinking," Ram lifted a naked Steph into his arms and slowly put her into the tub.

"Aaaaaaaargh… hot… hot…. Too hot…"

"No, it's fine," he held her in the water. "Your skin is just cold, making the sensation of the warm water double as strong."

"It stings like needles, dammit."

When it looked as though Steph didn't want to bolt any longer, Ram pressed a soft kiss onto her forehead and told her good-bye to get back down to Cal and Manson.

"I'll make you a hot tea with lemon to help fight off a cold," Hal said quietly and left her alone with her fragrant bath.

She got Manson, all alone, Steph smiled. He was a former wrestler and she got him. Granted, Ram and Cal had been there; but once she had a grip on her skip he didn't stand a chance against her new fighting and grappling skills. She was so proud of herself.

"Here Angel," Hal appeared back at her side, balancing a tray with a mug of steaming tea on his lap. "Drink this as hot as possible. It will warm you from the inside out."

When it looked as though he wanted to turn around and leave, Steph grabbed his hand and forced him to stop.

"Why are you leaving? Are you running away from me?"

For the first time since weeks Hal smiled his beautiful smile.

"Angel, I'm leaving because you are lying naked in my tub. Are you aware what that's doing to me?" He grinned.

Steph's eyes automatically dropped to his groin.

"No, not there," Hal said sadly, "but everything above my navel is on fire, believe me."

If Steph's face was flushed from the heat of the water, it was now burning a tomato red. "Sorry," her eyes desperately searched for a point to lock on. "Uhm… I… uhm… you… may go now," she stuttered.

The most beautiful sound filled the bathroom as Hal laughed out loud. Exaggerating, he bowed with a flourish, a bright grin plastered on his face, and rolled backwards before turning to the door.

"Milady knows where the towels are and my closet is all yours. Take your time, I'll wait for you in the living room."

~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~

Twice, Steph refilled the tub with hot water before she felt sufficiently warmed up. Standing in Hal's closet, she let her fingers glide over the stacks of shirts and cargoes. Everything was neatly packed, reachable both from the wheelchair as well as when he was standing upright with his crutches. Turning and taking a look around the room, she realized how absolutely tidy it was. Everything had its assigned space and wasn't allowed to stand anywhere else in case he needed it. Suddenly she saw it. How many changes and adjustments Hal had undergone in the past twelve months. For a long moment her heart opened wide and she was filled with comprehension. He might be in a dark place at the moment; but Hal was most definitely the strongest person she knew and she'd help him to see the light again.

"Hello?" Steph peeked out of the bedroom door to test the waters. When nothing could be heard, she stepped into the living room. "Hal? You here?" Stupid question with the apartment's open floor plan; obviously he wasn't. At that moment something thumped into the front door and a second later a key rustled, the door was pushed open and Hal rolled in, balancing a big pot on his lap.

"Hey Angel," he smoothly turned the wheelchair and shut the door. "Cal called," he looked up and smiled as he saw Steph. "You look stuffed like a human piñata."

Steph's eyes wandered down herself and she couldn't help the crooked smile blossoming on her face. She wore two pairs of thick socks, one of Hal's much too large jogging pants with basketball sweat shorts on top, an oversized hoodie with who knows how many shirts under it and was wrapped in his thick bathrobe, dragging it after her like a train.

"Perhaps I should hang you from the living room ceiling and have my wicked way with you," Hal's grin got even broader.

"You know what, Mister? Your mood swings are giving me a whip lash," she narrowed her eyes at him; but the fun she had was obvious on her face. "What did Cal want?"

"Huh?... Oh yeah, Cal convinced me that he, Ram, you and me should have dinner together. They'll be here in about thirty minutes and it's up to us to prepare the potatoes for the crockpot meal that is cooking upstairs."

Steph's eyes got big as saucers as she paled under her still flushed skin. "Hal, I can't…"

"We'll manage, Angel. They are already peeled and everything. All we have to do is the actual cooking. That's easy, trust me."

With a sigh Steph followed him to the kitchen and watched as he expertly transferred the pot onto the ceramic stove top. She marveled at how relaxed Hal seemed to be in comparison to earlier in the day. Sometimes it was hard to believe how depressed he was; but then, for a short moment, his walls crumbled and pain and despair shone through his eyes and facial features. It was then that you knew he was a man fighting hard to keep his spirits up.


	14. Cookies And Kissing

**_Disclaimer: All the characters you recognize from the Stephanie Plum books belong to Janet Evanovich._**

**_A/N: This story isn't beta'ed. Any grammar faults or spelling errors are not to be considered flaws or defects but enhance the individual beauty : )_**

**_You waited long and suffered through some really dark moments so here it is ... the chapter that will make it up to you!_**

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**Chapter 14 – Cookies And Kissing**

**Two weeks later, December 21st**

"I can't believe I'm doing this," Steph looked at the things spread on the countertop in front of her with the happiest smile blossoming on her face.

"**We** are doing this," Hal leaned heavily into her back and closed his arms around her. "Is this okay or am I too heavy?" He murmured, discreetly inhaling the strawberry scent of her hair.

"No, that's fine," Steph hugged his arms. "Your warm weight feels good against me; homey."

For several minutes they stood in Hal's kitchen, captured in the moment, and enjoyed the emotions swirling between them. These last two weeks they'd been back to their old rhythm of spending every evening together. Forgotten was their clash, the harsh words exchanged that night. It felt wonderful and none of them could deny the increasing electricity building between them. Squeezing her one last time, disguising his longing with a friendly kiss to her curls, Hal let go of Steph and used his crutches to straighten back up again.

"Time to get this show on the road," he grinned and ambled over to the fridge to pull out the first of several big lumps of fresh self-made cookie-dough. Last night he and Steph had prepared the different kinds of dough and now it was time to start operation Contraband.

"What do I have to do?"

"Spread some flour on the dinner table, take a baseball sized chunk of dough and roll it out with the rolling pin; 5 millimeters should be fine. Then take the cookie cutters and have fun. I'll join you after I prepared the baking sheets and turned the oven on."

Steph went to work and before Hal got the chance to take a seat next to her she was already sprinkled with flour, eating the raw cookies instead of placing them on the baking sheet. It was the sweetest sight and he wished Jerry was there so it would feel like a family afternoon. Sighing he spread some floor, took a chunk of dough and showed off what Daddy-school had taught him.

"You'll end up with a bad tummy," he said all serious an hour into their baking when Steph's hand wandered once more to her mouth with a chunk of raw dough. She was covered with flour, her cheeks were flushed from the heat of the oven… he wanted to eat her alive.

"And you'll end up with a grouchy me if ya don't stop nagging," Steph stuck her tongue out.

That made Hal pause, put the cookie cutter aside and gauge her with a small evil smile pulling at the corners of his lips. "You are threatening me?" His smile became demonical. "Really, Stephanie?"

Steph's eyes went wide and she gulped. Even in his wheelchair Hal could be a damn intimidating man and right now she was in a hell a lot of trouble. Quickly estimating the distance to the front door she discreetly prepared herself and in the blink of an eye pushed her chair back, jumped up… but wasn't fast enough. Hal gave his wheels a push, rolled backwards and pulled a stumbling Steph face down across his lap.

"Lookie, lookie, I got me a cookie," he grinned brightly as his right arm pressed softly on Steph's back to keep her in place while his left hand gave her bottom a squeeze. "I wonder…," he started but left the sentence hanging. "No, you surely wouldn't want me to teach this wonderful firm tush a lesson, would you? Though you've been a really bad girl sticking your delicious pink tongue out at me." He firmly rubbed Steph's buns.

"Hal… please," Steph vainly struggled to get away from under his arm pressing her down.

"Please what? Please, master, punish me?" He drawled with a smirk and smacked his hand softly down.

"Haaaaal," Steph squealed. "Let me gooo."

"No, not yet," he chuckled demonically. "The sight is just too appetizing. Mmmmmh. Did you know that I'm an ass-man? Oh yeah, Steph, I am and your ass is perfect. I think I'll treat myself to a bite," he quickly lifted her up and playfully sank his teeth into her Jeans-covered buns.

"OH MY GOD!" Steph shrieked and scrambled out of his hold.

Hal wanted to help her; but he couldn't breathe he was laughing so hard.

"You… you…," Steph stood in front of him, flushed beet-red, and desperately tried not to laugh herself. "I… I can't believe you did that," she rubbed the place where Hal had bitten her.

"Aaaw Angel, come here," he pulled her sideward back onto his lap and squeezed her tight. "Don't be mad at me, my kitty-kat. You are just so yummy," he chuckled, "especially with all the cookie dough coursing through your blood stream. I wonder how I could get you on a baking sheet and into the oven. Mmmmmhhh, the thought alone makes me drool. My own personal Steph-cookie; you'd be mine and mine alone to nibble." There was so much boyish mischief in Hal's eyes that Steph could even think about being angry with him.

For the next few hours Hal and Steph had the biggest cookie production going ever seen within the Rangeman building. Every free surface in Hal's apartment was covered with short crust, gingerbread, coco, chocolate and nut cookies and the scent wavering in the air was mouthwatering. Hal tried to hold back; but his hormones were on a rampage. The amount of 'accidental' touches between him and Steph had continuously grown and he felt as though he was short of imploding if he didn't kiss her soon.

"Duh. My tummy aches," Steph let herself fall back onto her chair and groaning held her stomach.

"That's why I told ya not to eat so much raw dough," Hal chuckled, closed the dishwasher and let his eyes swipe over the now clean kitchen. "Come here," he rolled next to her and gently pulled her over onto his lap. "I'd say my poor Angel needs some special Hal love," he kissed Steph's nose. Never leaving her eyes, he worked his hand under her shirts and started to caress her naked belly.

"Mmmmhh, so warm and soft," he whispered as Steph closed her eyes and let her head sink onto his shoulder. "That's right, Angel. Relax and let me take care of you. I'll make it all better."

Just as he was skimming his lips over the velvety skin of her cheek, thinking about pressing the softest of all soft kisses onto the corner of her mouth, there was a knock at the front door. Steph felt his body tense under hers and chuckled.

"That's what happens when you enter forbidden territories, Buster," she smiled against his neck and tickled his side.

"I'll kill whoever's out there," Hal growled playfully. He'd almost kissed his girl and she didn't seem to mind - everything was fantabulous in Hal-land. Keeping Steph on his lap he rolled to the front door and opened it to Bobby standing there with a pained expression on his face.

"Please," he dramatically fell onto his knees. "Give the poor medic working next door a cookie or two. My whole infirmary is sweet with your baking scents. You're killing me."

Steph felt and heard Hal chuckle behind her and was overcome with the desire for Bobby to leave. The pull to be alone with Hal, continuing what Bobby had interrupted was overwhelming. Listening to her heart, she stood up, marched over to the sideboard laden with cookies, grabbed a handful, transferred them in Bobby's hands and with a quick good-bye closed the door into his face. Hal's full belly laugh echoed through the apartment and was music in her ears.

"My little kitty-kat," he smiling pulled her forward onto his lap so that she straddled him. "Is there any reason why you were in such a hurry to get rid of our neighbor?"

"Perhaps?" Steph smiled, seductively pulling her lower lip between her teeth.

Their eyes met and communicated an affection that made the hummingbirds fly in their stomachs. Shyly Steph's hand came up and caressed Hal's freshly shaved cheeks and the small scar cutting through his upper lip. His skin was soft and smelled clean and soapy. In a daze Steph's head dipped down and her nose ran along his jaw, inhaling the spicy scent of his Cologne, before nuzzling its way upward along his temple to the scar slicing through his eyebrow.

"Steph," Hal's whisper was breathless, declaration of love and plea at the same time.

He exhaled deeply and touched his forehead to hers, his eyes shut. She was so close. The one woman he's ever truly loved. Time stilled and the world stopped moving as their breaths mingled. Slowly Hal started to tenderly nuzzle Steph's nose. She merely shuttered in his arms. Her hand still cupped his one cheek and he lifted his own to caress her face and neck. Another tremble went through her body. She felt so delicate in his arms; his need to take care of her and protect her became overwhelming.

"Hal," her whimper was soft and light as a feather.

"It's okay, my love," he whispered back. "I feel it, too. You are safe with me."

Every cell in his upper body was on fire and it nearly consumed him. Never had he been this turned on without anything happening. Forgotten were his shortcomings, the uselessness of his groin and lower body. His breathing became deeper, his pupils widened and his heartbeat picked up speed as his nose started another loving journey to Steph's bridge and back. He had reached the point of no return; it had to happen; now. Inhaling deeply Hal's mind filled with the heady fragrance of strawberry shampoo, vanilla lotion and fresh baked cookies. He needed to; he couldn't wait any longer. His eyes still closed he dipped his head down and pressed the most tender kiss to the right corner of Steph's mouth. Feeling the softness of her skin was heaven. Wrapped up in the moment, his hormones occupying his brain, he opened his lips and let the tip of his tongue draw a small circle. Steph's reaction was instantaneous. She exhaled deeply as her body surged toward him, trying to get closer. Hal grabbed her ass and lower back and pulled her against his chest. Once more their brows were touching as they shared their heated breath. Impatiently Hal dipped his head, his lips searching for their former place. The taste of Steph's skin was like the sweetest ambrosia, fogging his mind as he brushed over the corner of her mouth. Moisture was pooling between her legs as he continued his path over her lips to the opposite side of her mouth. The pressure he was executing was heaven, just right to let the hummingbirds morph into airplanes.

"Hal, please," Steph whimpered.

"Please, what?" he whispered back, brushing her lips one more time. He yet had to really kiss her; but he wasn't sure he could without losing consciousness. God, this must be heaven.

"Please…"

Hal let the tip of his tongue dance along Steph's lower lip, moistening it. In his neck he could feel her arms tightening. Her mouth opened…

"FUCK!" Hal couldn't hold back the curse because of the knocking at his door. Angry, burning heat shot up into his face. "I'm sorry. I can't believe this is happening. I wanted… I didn't mean… I…"

"Hush," a softly smiling Steph stopped his fit of rage with a fingertip on his lips. She brushed them firmly until she felt his clenched jaw and tense muscles relax. It was such a simple touch; but it soothed Hal's boiling temper and evened him out. "I'm fine. Let me deal with whoever's there," she pressed a gentle peck on his lips and with a last look made sure he wouldn't argue.

Sliding backwards down from her perch on his lap she stood up, straightened her clothes and turned toward the door, opening it a crack. It was Vince with the stupidest smirk on his face. He took in Steph's flushed face, the vibrant glow surrounding her, and was about to make a cheeky comment, when something in Steph's eyes caught his attention. They held a calm and serenity he'd never seen before. There was no glowering because of the obvious interruption, after all he had heard Hal's curse directly behind the door, nor did she fidget as though she felt embarrassed. She also didn't try and fail to raise one eyebrow just to gloss things over. Steph stood in the crack of the door and regarded him silently, waiting for him to speak up. That caught Vince by surprise. In his discomfort his eyes lowered to the stupid empty container in his hand. Jerk.

"Listen Steph," he lifted his eyes back to hers. "Bobby told me how you closed the door into his face earlier and I came down to tease you and interrupt whatever was going on. Now, I feel like a jerk and I'm sorry. Apparently you and Hal have a good time and I'm happy for you. Sorry again," he nodded as if confirming his thoughts, turned on his heel and marched toward the stairwell, the Tupperware container still in his hands.

Steph watched his retreating back and couldn't believe what just happened. Closing the door and leaning her back against it, she looked at Hal in his wheelchair.

"I have ESP," she whispered in awe. "That was Vince. I just looked at him and he immediately got the hint. He came to tease us and I… I just calmly thought now is not the right time and he got it, excused his intentions and left. OMG, I have ESP," her smile became blinding.

"And why isn't this the right time, Miss ESP?" Hal drawled in his deep voice, slowly rolling toward her.

The blush instantly flushing Steph's face filled him with warmth. However cool and quick-mouthed she was at distractions, his Angel was a modest and coy woman and he loved her for that. When his wheelchair was short of touching her, Hal stopped and a mischievous grin spread over his face.

"Sprida din benen för mig, min kärlek," he said in the sexiest husky voice Steph had ever heard from him. "Spread your legs for me, my love." His eyes sparkled at the heat tinting her cheeks even more red.

"Was that Swedish?" Steph breathed, her eyes locked on Hal's who nodded. "That sounded so sexy."

"Sprida din benen för mig, min kärlek," he whispered again. "Give me access, Angel. Let me in between your legs. I want to feel your hot core against my groin."

Hal couldn't believe what he was saying. Blushing furiously he watched as Steph started to seductively roll her hips and slowly step her feet further and further apart. The slow dance she was showing just for him left Hal panting. As soon as he could he rolled forward, grabbed her buns, pulled her forth and pressed her against his chest.

"You are so sexy," he moaned, kissed her stomach and slowly let her slide down until he could feel the heat emanating from her crotch against his groin. "You are the most sexiest woman in the world," he whispered in her ear, sucking lightly at the soft spot directly behind her earlobe. "so beautiful and so sexy," he breathed, nuzzling along her jugular vein. When he was back at her ear he nibbled at her earlobe. "I love you, Stephanie."

His mouth started a new journey down the side of her neck, placing opened mouthed kisses on the soft flesh covering her vein of life. Every so often he would stop to lightly suck at her skin and it made Steph ecstatic. Her loud moans filled the apartment as she pressed her body deeper into Hal's chest. When he reached the junction of her neck and shoulder his sucking became harder. Everybody should see that she was his woman so he bit down and marked her.

"Mine," his manly growl filled the air. He lifted his head and his icy blue eyes met her baby blues. Ever so slowly he lowered his mouth to hers, never leaving her eyes. "My heart for you, Angel," he whispered before pressing the most tender kiss on her lips. It was just a whisper of a touch and he continued to show her his love. His lips brushed over hers, massaging them, eliciting another moan from her. He opened his mouth and gently pulled her lower lip between his teeth. Cautiously he nibbled along her bottom lip. After it got all the attention it deserved, Hal switched over to the upper lip. Steph had molded herself against his upper body, panting with arousal. When the upper lip had gotten its well-deserved affection he touched his forehead to hers and took a deep breath.

"Kiss me, Hal," Steph whimpered. "Please, kiss me."

"I've waited so long for this moment, Angel," Hal whispered. "Are you sure?"

Steph nodded and pulled her head away from him. Finding his eyes she looked deep into them so he could see the truth in hers. "I'm absolutely one hundred percent sure, Halvard Bengtsson. Kiss the living daylights out of me," she grinned.

Hal's lips crashed down on her mouth with a force that was bordering on painful; but Steph took the assault in stride and wouldn't have wanted it any other way. Their moans mingled as he ravished her mouth, exploring it, forgetting himself in the sensuous dance of their tongues. When Bobby and he had been at the Pennsylvania Hospital in Philly for the check-up the other week, the doctor had told him not to worry about his love-life, that the biggest sexual organ was the brain. Back then he had huffed; but now as the unstoppable power of his emotions, arousal and desire took him on a roller-coaster ride, he got it.


	15. Finally Together And Then Apart Again

**_Disclaimer: All the characters you recognize from the Stephanie Plum books belong to Janet Evanovich._**

**_A/N: This story isn't beta'ed. Any grammar faults or spelling errors are not to be considered flaws or defects but enhance the individual beauty : )_**

**_I'm sitting here and trying to come up with an A/N; something nice to guide you into this chapter; but my mind has no ideas. Guess, all my words are spent and there are no more left ... bleh ;) ... So I say thank you for sticking with me so far and ENJOY!  
_**

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**Chapter 15 - Finally Together And Then Apart Again**

**Five o'clock the next morning, December 22nd**

Pitch-black darkness filled the apartment like a soft velvety blanket, lulling its occupants in a deep restful sleep. Next to the door a travel bag lay on the floor, its zipper short of bursting. On the kitchen counter stood a lone hamster cage. Nothing could be heard from inside aside from some dreamy pawing at the shavings every now and then. Down the hall in the bedroom Steph lay on her stomach, snuggled deep into her pillow and sighed happily. Hal was kissing her shoulders. He would move his lips over her shoulder blades, brush them, open his mouth and let his tongue draw small circles here and then. His left hand lay right over her heart, warm and reassuring. From the shoulder he moved to her neck and suckled at its junction. Steph felt the soft tug at her skin and moaned. He had marked her hard the night before and she wanted a matching bruise on the opposite side of her neck. That man had a way with his tongue and teeth. She felt him brush her hair aside from her neck and scrape her cervical spine. The effect was immediate, a rush of fresh juice moistening the inside of her legs. Ever so slowly his nose followed the curve of her spinal column, placing open mouthed kisses along its way. He passed her ribs and reached her lower back, settling in the valley.

"You are so absolutely beautiful, Angel," he whispered between kisses. "And you taste like honey and vanilla."

Steph moaned as she felt herself become a puddle of liquid hormones. Lolling under his hands she tried to get him to move lower. He grabbed her ass and stopped her motion. Groaning he squeezed her buns, lowered his mouth and tenderly bit in each one before finding its way back to her lower back. His hand did magic on her bottom. He never loosened his grip on it; moved it around, massaged it powerfully. The contrast between that firm handling and the softness with which his mouth worked her back was driving her insane. She was dripping wet and all she wanted was his fingers in that place. Suddenly Hal's hand and mouth were gone; but before she could complain the sweetest feelings overflowed her as she felt his body line up against her and he pulled her back against his chest. The hand over her heart moved south, spared her breast, moved further south, pulled her upper leg over his and with a moan of his own his fingers dipped into the wetness between her lower lips.

~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~

**_At the same time across the city at Haywood…._**

"Man, that's crazy; but I love it," Vince smiling shook his head at his friend. "So what do we need to do first? You know I have a guitar in my apartment."

"No, I want to buy one for myself. I've thought about picking up playing for some time now. My equipment is still at Marissa's and I neither feel like contacting her nor do I have time for that. The shipping alone would take until after Christmas. We need to do some shopping. Today."

Vince laughed out loud. "I'm in, man. I'm in. Do you already have an idea what you want to play?"

"Yeah, I have the perfect song. If ya want you can be my second guitar man."

"Shit, I haven't played in ages."

"Same here; we'll have a turbo refresher course tonight here in my apartment."

Vince chuckled at Hal's enthusiasm. They sat at his kitchen table and had a protein shake together. He was completely on board with everything that made Hal this exhilarated.

"How do you want to record it? Strato Music Recording is Rangeman's client; but I doubt they'll have a free spot for us on such short notice."

"Nah, I didn't plan that far. I thought about asking Hector whether he can help us. He's the technic guru. Surely there is a way to put up two microphones and record our croaking on a computer, convert it into mp3-format and pull it over on a CD."

"Whoooaaaa! Wait Mister! You said nothing about me singing along with you."

Hal regarded Vince with a blank look before he let a slow smile spread over his face. "In for a penny, in for a pound," he said in a sing-sung voice.

"Shit," Vince hung his head. "When I sing with you, that's love, brother; pure love."

**_Back at Steph's apartment…_**

Steph stood in front of the mirror in her bathroom and regarded her flushed cheeks and happy smile. Gosh, what a dream. She had a sex-dream. Not that that was something extraordinary; but it was so real. So abso-fucking-lutely real. When she woke up she was panting and needed several minutes to realize where she was and especially that she was indeed alone. Sighing deeply, she let the pictures of last night flash in her mind. She and Hal made out on his couch like teenagers and with every hour that passed he became more and more proficient in turning her on. They never lost their shirts, he never touched her below her navel; but nevertheless it was the most amazing make-out session she ever had.

Sighing again she shook her head to get back on track. What did she want to do? Ah yeah, brush her teeth. Dreamily she put the toothpaste on her toothbrush and began her morning routine. They had agreed to keep their blossoming relationship to themselves. Just Vince, Bobby, Ram and Cal were allowed to know. That of course meant that she wouldn't be able to touch, let alone kiss him the whole time they were at the Aquatics Center. Goddamn, whose stupid idea had that been? Ah yeah, hers. Great, Stephanie. Really good thinking, she rolled her eyes before bending over to rinse her mouth. When she straightened back up and looked at her insane hair, the stupidest smile struck her face. Hal had loved to run his hands through her curls. When they needed to slow down and catch their breath, he'd made it a point to create wild hairstyles with his fingers. Steph could almost feel her strands tangling; but she loved every second of it and Hal took pleasure out of gently straightening them out again. God, she was falling in love.

The knock at the front door pulled her out of her dreamy daze.

"Sweetie? It's me, Cal."

"Bathroom," she hollered back. She was running late and needed to get going; but she couldn't tear herself from looking at her face in the mirror. She felt truly happy. For the first time in who knew how long. Suddenly two arms snaked around her and squeezed her from behind causing her to shriek.

"Geez, Cal, make a sound, will ya?" She glared at his reflection.

"I have," he chuckled, "but you were so enamored with yourself that you didn't hear me. Where were you last night?"

"Uh?" Steph crunched her brow in confusion.

"You and Hal were supposed to come upstairs for a late dinner."

Steph blanched and her face paled. "Oh my God, Cal, I'm so sorry. Oh damn, no, we totally forgot…"

Before she could continue her litany of excuses, Cal silenced her with a finger on her lips and then brushed her hair to the side.

"Well," he grinned at the obvious hickey on her neck. "Ram and I thought about calling; but now I'm glad we didn't. Are you happy, Sweetie?" He pulled her tight against his chest.

Steph sighed contently, nodded and let herself go limp in his embrace.

Cal chuckled; but held her easily. "Are we supposed to know?"

"You and Ram, Vince and Bobby, yes," she leaned her head back so she could find his eyes. "The other guys not. We want to give what is between us time to grow without being on display for everyone. Hal and I both have issues we have to work through and then there's the whole sex-thing. We want to take things slow and just our closest friends to know about us."

"I'll text Ram. He'll be beside himself with happiness," Cal leaned down and gently kissed her brow.

#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~

After their training at the Aquatics Center Steph and Cal were walking toward the Explorer Bobby and Hal were already waiting in and she couldn't help but smile.

"Watcha so happy about, Sweetie?" Cal grinned, laid his arm around her shoulder and pulled her into his side, pressing a kiss into her hair.

"Just thought about my hickey. It caused some commotion," she chuckled.

Cal groaned. "You should have been in the locker room. It was the number one topic of conversation. Everybody wondered who got lucky."

"Hehehe," Steph laughed. "Let them guess. They aren't ready to know the truth."

They jumped into the Explorer and Steph didn't have time to fasten her seatbelt before Hal pulled her roughly over onto his lap and hungry lips found hers in a bruising kiss.

"Holy Shit!" Bobby shouted from the driver's seat as he accidentally killed the engine. He swung his head, looked over his shoulder at the goings on the backseat and lost his speech.

"Move, my friend," Cal clapped him grinning on the thigh. "You'll get used to it."

"You knew?" Bobby asked him, still in shock, as he started the car anew.

"Yeah, since this morning; but it's the first time I've seen them together."

"So the hickey…"

"… is from Hal, our pal."

"God help us," Bobby shook his head and grinning turned onto the street.

Fifteen minutes later he parked the Explorer in the parking lot of the Pancake House. It had become their steady breakfast place after swimming and the employees knew them by now.

"Steph, guys," the waitress waved to them as they entered and took seat at their reserved table.

Step had automatically snuggled herself on Hal's lap and they contently smiled at each other as their fingers entwined.

"Oh man," Bobby still hadn't completely recuperated. "You could have given me a warning," he chuckled. "Not that I'm not happy for you two. I prayed you'd finally get your shit together; but… hot daaaamn…"

The two lovebirds grinned at each other, nuzzled their noses and shared a soft kiss before Hal turned his face toward his friends.

"It's just for you," he nodded at Bobby, "Cal, Ram and Vince to know. We wanna take it slow and don't want the whole building sneaking after us."

"Got it," Bobby bumped fists with him. "But you both know Les' good nose. He'll sense that something's going on."

"We'll play that by ear," Hal answered and lifted Steph's hand to his mouth for a kiss.

"Will you two be able to keep your hands away from each other or do we have front row seats to the Hal and Steph Soft Porn Show?" Cal smirked at them.

"Shut up, Buster," Steph narrowed her eyes at him. "You know these are our last moments together before you, Ram and I leave for our vacation and Hal and I won't see each other for two weeks. You can turn around or leave if ya can't deal with a little PDA."

Cal laughed out loud. "Calm down, Tiger. No need to get all protective over your man," he said with twinkling eyes.

Playful Cal was out and Steph was ready to bounce with him; but the waitress chose that moment to appear at their table.

"Guys, the same as always?" She looked at the Merry Men, one after the other, lingering on their handsome faces and beefy bodies.

Unfortunately, the men weren't interested in her so they just nodded and left her standing.

"Steph? Our cook has created something new for you to try. Buttermilk pancakes with mandarin cream cheese icing between each layer."

Immediately, Steph's eyes glazed over and drool was running from her mouth.

"I'd say that's a go," Hal chuckled and wiped at the corner of her lips.

By the end of their meal, both Bobby and Cal were uncomfortably trying to adjust themselves; Bobby because of Steph's and Cal because of Hal's sonorous moans. Thankfully, Steph had slipped from Hal's lap and sat down on her own chair to eat; but that didn't hinder them from feeding each other… and together moaning their delight for their dishes. With every other couple he and Bobby would have been embarrassed; but Hal and Steph were cute together and they didn't mind their repeated necking. More than once Bobby saw people glancing disgusted their way; but neither Steph nor Hal were aware of the looks. They were so lost in each other, a bomb could have gone off beside them and they had continued their feeding and kissing routine. In the deepest recesses of her mind Steph was shocked about herself. She'd never been one for PDAs; but with Hal the world around her vanished and she no longer cared about other people's opinion.

"You ready to hit the road, Steph?" Cal smiled sympathetically as Bobby paid their bill. He'd gotten more than an eyeful of how close and in love she and Hal were and he could imagine the separation for two weeks would be hard. Nonetheless it would also be good for them. Ram and he had plans for Steph. They wanted to continue working on her feeling of self-worth and Hal had his own issues to tackle with Bobby and Vince's help. "I know you both will miss each other; but Ram is waiting outside in the lot with Rex and your bag. It's time we leave."

Sighing Steph nodded, kissed Hal one last time before standing up, hugging him again, pressing another last kiss on his mouth, and finally being dragged out of the restaurant by Cal.

Half an hour later they were on their way to Seaside Heights. Rex slept in his cage on the backseat with a huge bag of fresh shavings in front of his nose, Ram's treat, while Steph watched the dreary scenery rush by. Winter wasn't her favorite season to begin with; but the grey in grey of the dull sky and the drizzle covering the windows was downright depressing. Hal. Sigh. No Hal-loving for two weeks. How could she fall for him so fast?

~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~

**_Back at Haywood, fifth floor…_**

"Okay man," Vince sauntered into Hal's cubicle and pulled the guest chair over. "I've called all music shops in Trenton; but none of them is handicapped accessible. Either there are lots of stairs to overcome and no elevator or, and that's mostly the case, they are so small and crammed that there is no way to move around with the bulky wheelchair. BUT," he quickly continued as he saw Hal's face fall. "There's a shop in Princeton that advertises its handicapped accessibility."

That made Hal perk up his ears. Princeton was just twenty-five minutes away from them; perhaps thirty-five with the slush on the streets.

"It gets better," Vince grinned. "The shop's name is The Guitarman. Its owner is wheelchair bound himself and he specializes in guitars as the name says. We have a lose date with him at three PM. I already checked in with Tank and we are good to go around lunch provided that your searches are done. I thought we find us a nice place for lunch and afterwards descend on the shop."

Though it was his own idea, the mentioning of going outside made Hal instantly tense up. Vince stood up and checked Brett's cubicle next to Hal's; but King Gossipmonger wasn't at his place.

"Okay, man. What's the deal? Every time one of us suggests to leave the building, you pull back into your shell."

Hal blushed and uncomfortably fidgeted with the hem of his shirt. "Has any of you," he started in a whispered tone, "ever thought about what it means for me to go out there into a world that is full of potential threats and enemies? I did the same job you guys do; I brought in criminals, I flushed them out, I was on countless redecorating jobs, I worked the streets spreading fear and terror together with you. What do you think will happen when one of those guys that were beaten, threatened or imprisoned by or because of me, see me as a paraplegic in a wheelchair? They will chew me to a bloody pulp, spit me out, use my remains as toothpick before kicking me to the curb – if not just kill me. You can all stand up for yourself, your bodies being your strongest weapon; but I'm sitting useless in this chair. I'm scared, man," Hal admitted with his head tinted in a crimson red.

"Shit, I never looked at it from that side," Vince's shoulders slumped. "Okay, here is what we do," he started after a moment, new resolve straightening his back. "First and foremost, you are not alone. You are with me. I will look at this as a normal bodyguard situation and be fully equipped. Second, we won't stop anywhere in Trenton; but will search for a nice, calm place in Princeton. Nobody knows us there. We will enjoy ourselves because we will know we are safe," he looked deep into Hal's eyes to make him see the truth. "Then we'll do our shopping so you can sing Steph a song for Christmas. We'll have a great afternoon, my friend! And aside from that I will think about how we can get you fit for the streets. I can't believe none of us thought about that earlier; but I get you. In your case I'd feel totally exposed and helpless, too."

#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~

Their lunch consisted of the best, most tender Steak and baked potato they ever ate. The restaurant, a small place just outside Princeton's city limits, immediately jumped into their top five. When they finally arrived in the city's center where The Guitarman was located, there was not a single parking space up and down the street and they were forced to go for the parking garage of the Princeton Shopping Center not far from the shop.

Once outside the car, Vince could see how uncomfortable Hal was; but a squeeze to his shoulder seemed to calm him. His legs covered with a warm blanket, Hal rolled through the sliding doors outside onto the sidewalk and raised one of his eyebrows at Vince.

"To the left about five hundred yards."

Nodding Hal grabbed the push rings and started to roll down the pointed direction. The sidewalk was full of a mixture of ice, slush and road salt, slowing down their progress.

"Goddamn," Hal cursed after about two hundred yards and put his hands under his arms to warm them up. The metal of the push rings was ice-cold, his naked hands freezing and hurting and to top it all off that damned Jack Frost was biting at his nose and cheeks.

"You want some help?" Vince asked cautiously.

As expected Hal nearly jumped him into his face. "I can do this on my own, thank you very much. I won't let this stupid, god-forsaken, fucking shitty ass weather come between me and my guitar. I'll roll the shit out of this slush, understood?"

"Yessssir," Vince grinned, put his hands back into the warm pockets of his thick winter jacket and strolled down the street next to one panting cursing Hal. What a pigheaded fellow his friend was. It was his loss, though. Apparently, he had to learn it the hard way to accept a little help here and there.

Once they entered The Guitarman all their troubles were forgotten. Warmth received them with its lush blanket and neither Hal nor Vince could help the smile spreading over their faces. The shop was a dream come true; guitars everywhere, standing on the floor, hanging at the walls and from the ceiling. A young woman stood behind the corner and welcomed them with a smile.

"Dad," she hollered over her shoulder into the back-room. "The two guys are here you have a date with."

A moment later a fifty-something came rolling around the counter and couldn't hide his joy at seeing a wheelchair fellow. His hair was cut in a typical buzz-cut and the way he carried himself Vince and Hal immediately recognized the former soldier in him.

There were no words pictorial enough to describe how Hal felt. He had a blast. His cheeks were glowing, his eyes missing nothing. Vince hadn't seen him this alert and cheerful since… scratch that… he hadn't ever seen him like that. It was a joy to watch him trying the different guitars and good god could he play. Vince's mouth fell open as Hal touched the strings for the first time. Rae, the shop owner, had been in Iraq with the Marines when shrapnel hit his back leaving him paraplegic. The music became his life and now his daughter was sharing his love for the guitars and helping him with the shop. It took hours; but finally Hal decided to buy a Takamine guitar for about two-thousand dollars plus a perfect matching case, music stands for both of them, a tuning fork and two sets of new strings. After the business part was finished, Rae begged them into the back-room and his daughter knowingly closed the door. A bottle of expensive Whiskey appeared out of nowhere, everyone got a perfectly tuned guitar, and the three men started to pick the strings in earnest. Rae was a great man, generously overseeing Vince and Hal's struggle to keep up with him. This was about three former soldiers sharing a hobby, a good bottle of Single Malt, and their dark pasts.


	16. Christmas Preparations

**_Disclaimer: All the characters you recognize from the Stephanie Plum books belong to Janet Evanovich._**

**_A/N: This story isn't beta'ed. Any grammar faults or spelling errors are not to be considered flaws or defects but enhance the individual beauty : )_**

**_It's Christmas Eve and Hal and Steph are busy finishing the presents they want to give each other. Cal and Ram take special care of Steph and show her what a strong person she is, full of assets she wasn't aware of. Thanks to their loving care she grows stronger with every passing day. The song Hal sings is 'Count on me' by Bruno Mars._**

**_~ Thanks so much to my loyal reviewers as well as to the odd guest and newbie who find the time to review. ~_**

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**Chapter 16 – Christmas Preparations**

**Christmas Eve, Rangeman building, first floor**

Binkie sat at the front desk, his feet tapping in sync with the beat filling the foyer, and couldn't have been happier on a work day afternoon. Okay, maybe when he'd been given the chance to beat the shit out of some criminals; but aside from that… Front desk duty had never been more popular than the last three days. Hal and Vince had taken a few days off to compensate overtime and were downstairs on the first floor, nearly non-stop, practicing different songs with their guitars. According to them the foyer had the best acoustics in the building. None of the Rangemen knew exactly what this was about; but apparently Tank had given his okay and the two otherwise silent guys got rhythm in their blood. Watching them, listening to their play and singing, was a great change. After the first day Zip joined Hal and Vince with his bass drum and tambourine whenever he had time-off and half an hour ago, a busy Hector started carrying computer equipment into the foyer. The electricity coursing through the lobby was infectious, and Binkie started to move his whole upper body to the music. He was so full of bliss that he nearly missed the guy at the entrance door. Pressing the buzzer, his eyes widened imperceptibly at the man entering. He was small, perhaps 5'6"; but he sounded all alarm bells in Binkie with the bandana around his head, the gang tattoos at his throat and the teardrop under his left eye. Unconsciously his right hand went to the Glock strapped to his leg as he warily kept one eye on the approaching man and the other on Hal who he knew wouldn't be able to protect himself. As though orchestrated the elevator doors opened with a ding and Hector stepped out balancing another computer and monitor in his arms. The moment the stranger saw him, his features relaxed and he smiled.

"_Cousin, good to see you,_" he purposefully strode over to Hector, completely ignoring Binkie, and helped him to set down the equipment.

"_Raffe_," Hector did a complicated handshake before pulling the stranger into a manly hug. "_Thanks for doing this for us today._"

"_Anything for the family_."

Binkie, being of Puerto Rican descent, understood the men talking in Spanish and therefore knew the obvious gang banger was no threat to them. Nonetheless he kept a wary eye on him. His eldest brother had been a Latin King and was killed by his own men when he tried to opt out. Binkie never got over the loss and profoundly hated anything gang related. Learning that Hector was part of Rangeman Trenton had been a bitter pill to swallow; but the two had reached an understanding and ignored each other whenever possible.

"_Hal, Vince_," Hector turned toward his two colleagues. "_This is my cousin Raffe. He works for King Music, an independent label in the Bronx. He offered his help and brought old rejected record equipment to do the recording for you_."

Binkie's spine stiffened when Hector's cousin stepped toward Hal and shook his hand. Like Hal, Binkie was quiet and reserved and had always enjoyed working with the tranquil pensive man of Swedish descent. Binkie felt comfortable in Hal's calm, wordless presence because he was the same way. Hal was a few years older, a former SEAL, and Binkie looked up to him like he'd done to his older brother. When Carl Costanza and Big Dog turned up that night last year December to inform the night shift that the driver of the Rangeman vehicle number twenty-two had attempted suicide, Binkie was on the monitors and the first to hear. Though they seldom exchanged a word and were everything else than close friends, the moment he realized the cops were talking about Hal it felt like losing his brother all over again. So ever since Hal was back from the Rehab Center, Binkie was secretly looking out for him. He neither could nor ever would say that aloud; but he felt protective of the man in the wheelchair and wanted to do anything he could to keep him safe.

Watching the men exchange hand slaps and fist bumps, he finally relaxed when Hal and Vince once more picked up their guitars while Hector and his cousin first brought tables in from one of the small conference rooms on the ground floor before picking up a whole new load of professional recording equipment from a run-down van parked outside at the curb.

"Yo," Zip sauntered out of the stairwell and walked over to Binkie for a fist bump. "Did I miss anything?" He eyed the back of the stranger next to Hector outside on the sidewalk.

"Hector's cousin, Raffe. Gangbanger. Wanna-be Music producer." Binkie informed him sarcastically.

"In that order?" Zip grinned at him.

Binkie narrowed his eyes and flipped him the bird.

An hour later two huge mixers and Hectors computers were set up, connected and the necessary software installed. Three microphones stood in front of Hal, Vince and Zip and cables run from the two guitars directly to the mixers.

"Have you already decided which song you'll be singing?" The small man from the Bronx asked, headphones dangling around his neck, sitting all professional behind the huge amount of recording technique.

"No," Hal shook his head. "We practiced three; but I can't decide."

"Then let me hear what ya got and I tell ya what I think."

Hal nodded. He sat in his wheelchair, balancing the guitar on his left thigh, arranged the microphone one last time and then looked over his left shoulder at Vince and Zip. This was it. For so many years he had neglected his love for music, had obeyed Marissa's wishes, given himself up for her. Now he was about to record his Angel a song; the woman that helped him fly. He felt elated. Within three days he and Vince didn't just refresh their guitar skills but practiced three songs and learned that there were enough enthusiastic colleagues in the building who played some sort of instrument to form a band if they want.

"One, two, three, four…," he metered and started to skillfully plug the strings of his guitar. Contentment and happiness flooded his mind and made him feel whole even though Steph wasn't near. It was the effect that making music had on him. After a moment Vince and Zip joined him and Hal couldn't help the smile on his face as he started to whip his head to the beat.

_If you ever find yourself stuck in the middle of the sea,_ he started to sing, his voice sonorous with that special huskiness the audience had loved so much in the past.

_I'll sail the world to find you_

_If you ever find yourself lost in the dark and you can't see_

_I'll be the light to guide you_

_Find out what we're made of_

_When we are called to help our friends in need_

_You can count on me like one, two, three, I'll be there_

_And I know when I'm needed_

_I can count on you like four, three, two, and you'll be there_

_'Cause that's what friends are supposed to do…_

"He's good, damn good," Raffe nodded approvingly, adjusting the controllers on the mixers and bumping fists with Hector.

They rehearsed every song several times before making a final decision and then the real work began. Four hours Raffe let them do nothing but sing that one song over and over again. Sometimes one of them didn't get the cue right, other times there were slight dissonances when singing the refrains together. Turned out Raffe was a perfectionist and wouldn't let up until they got it exactly right. They were just taking a break and Vince and Zip were lounging on the visitor's couch, their heads lolling on the backrest, when the elevator dinged and Ella stepped out, pushing one of her carts. Even from the distant the men could see the big pot of soup and mountains of sandwiches and groaned in unison. They couldn't eat as long as they weren't finished; it would paste their vocal cords. Regarding Ella's cart with pained looks, their stomachs growled famished. The promise of food made them pull themselves together and go back to their respective places. It was time to wrap this up. Either that, or kill Hector's OCD cousin which surely wouldn't sit well.

~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~

**_Seaside Heights, Ram's workroom…_**

"Wow… look at that, Sweetie!" Ram held the canvas into the air and admired Steph's handiwork. It looked beautiful… amazing. "Cal, come here," he called for his partner.

A moment later Cal stepped into the room and went straight over to Ram.

"Steph, that's gorgeous," he whispered in awe, deliberately moving his fingers over the artwork. "This will knock Hal's socks off. I can't wait to see his reaction," he hugged Steph into his side who glowed with pride.

When she'd wondered what to get Hal for Christmas, Ram and Cal had suggested something homemade. After all, nothing showed love more than self-made stuff. Steph wasn't excited; she wasn't good at anything and didn't want to make a fool of herself. Ram and Cal just lifted an eyebrow in sync and went into planning mode, suggesting things and dismissing them again. In the end they convinced her to try some woodwork. Ram had a feeling wood would be a material she would love; it smelled beautiful and to finish it a satisfying amount of sweat and work was needed. No need to mention it was Ram's favorite pastime.

The start was difficult. Steph was full of self-doubts and had constantly her mother's reprimanding voice in her head. Ram supported her in every step; but her attempts were halfhearted and she was easy to unsettle. However, once the first sense of achievement set in she got more and more enthused and even made own suggestions, much to Ram's joy. He had a huge pile of dry driftwood in the garage. They picked the best pieces, Steph sawed them into the right size and then sanded them down. She was reluctant about using the electrical machines; but Ram helped her and when it came to sandpapering it by hand, she morphed into a perfectionist. After she was finished, the wood was perfectly smooth to the touch. At that point Cal and his creativity came into play. With the help of different techniques he showed Steph how to color the wood in shades of white, silver and smoke, giving it a weathered touch. Meanwhile Ram had bought some white sail cloth. Steph cut the canvas into the right size and with Cal's help wrote

_make_

_your life_

_worth_

_loving_

in four different pastel colors on it. After the watercolors had dried, she gently worked all natural wax into the canvas to infuse it. That was last night and now the two men were standing in front of her handicraft work and couldn't have been more proud of her.

"All that is left to do is lashing the canvas into the driftwood frame and Hal's gift is finished," Cal smiled and kissed Steph's curls. "I bet you are done by the time I have dinner ready."

The answering growl of her stomach made both men laugh out loud.

"Come on, Sweetie. Let's wrap this up, before the beast decides to try a bite of me. You can get a really dangerous glow in your eyes, when you're hungry," Ram pulled her out of Cal's embrace.

For the next hour they cautiously pulled the small rope through the hooks and eyes of the driftwood and sail cloth, adjusting it again and again until the canvas was really centered in its wooden frame. Steph was sure the complicated sailor's knot Ram and she attached to the ends of the rope would be a joy for Hal. He was a seaman after all and she knew how much he missed the ocean and everything maritime.

#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~

"Oh my god, one more spoon and I'll burst at the seams," Steph wiped up the last remains of soup with a chunk of her bagel.

"I take that as praise to the cook?" Cal grinned at her.

"You're a GOD in the kitchen, a greek god," Steph hid a little burp behind her hand making Cal laugh out loud and pressing a loving kiss into her curls.

They'd had freshly made tomato cream soup with warm, self-made whole-wheat bagels, cream cheese, Spanish Serrano ham, salad, cucumbers and more tomatoes. She didn't exaggerate. Cal really was a great cook, finding the perfect balance between healthy and enjoyable.

Steph was sitting at the table in the eat-in kitchen, completely content and relaxed, watching domesticated Ram as he washed the dishes, when Cal slid back next to her with a well-known small notebook in his hand.

"Time to wrap up the day, Sweetie," he squeezed her and laid book and pen in front of her.

The day they arrived at Seaside Heights, Ram and Cal gave Steph what they called an Achievement-diary. It was a beautiful small book bound in leather with a brass lock. Each night after supper they sat down with her, thought back on the day and wrote Steph's achievements into the diary. At first Steph scrunched her brow at the idea; but after just three days she already loved the procedure. It wasn't just about remembering all the positive moments of the day but also about sitting down with either Ram or Cal or both. She felt secure with them. Sitting around the table, a candle flickering between them, was a homey experience she held on to in her heart.

"So?" Cal leaned his chin in his hand, his elbow resting on the table top and raised an eyebrow at her.

"So?" Steph smirked back at him, opening her diary and taking the pen in her hand.

Cal ruffled her hair and grinned. "Let's start with this morning. I seem to remember that Wonder Woman made quite an impression on a certain great looking man with a distinctive tat on his forehead."

Steph laughed.

_December 24th,_ she started to write.

_Stood up early and trained with Cal – 4 miles walking on the treadmill, half an hour on the rowing machine and in addition circuit training on all other machines; two hours altogether. The music was playing loudly and I had fun! Then we spared and I didn't just manage to hold my own; but brought the tat-man down with a kick to his nuts. Ram won't get any loving for the next few days :-)_

"You are quite happy with yourself, eh?" Cal grinned at her, internally wincing at the memory. "What then?" He urged her to go on.

_Had a happy breakfast with a Porridge THAT I COOKED AND THAT WAS YUMMY! (Very proud of myself). Cal and Ram praised me to the moon and back and tomorrow I'll do roast apples. Afterwards we went to Island Beach Park and I enjoyed romping around with the guys in the snow. We were surrounded by wild nature and I liked it and didn't get out of breath once! In the afternoon I finished Hal's picture and frame. It looks fantastic and aside from some pointers I did it all alone! Can't wait to give it to him._

Steph glowed with pride after she finished the last sentence. Ram leaned against the sink and couldn't help the warm smile spreading over his face at her sight. His eyes found Cal's and he knew his partner felt the same. Steph had made an amazing progress over the past weeks and with each day they spent here in the remoteness of their beach house they could see her blossom more. She just needed to get away from the depressing neighborhood that was the 'Burg, perhaps also needed to get away from Trenton, to realize how many assets and skills she had. If they could they'd keep her here forever. It wasn't just that they helped Steph, her presence was also balm on their souls. Never before had they felt so relaxed in their love and relationship. After their coming-out their families, so-called friends and people around them had made their lives hell on earth. He and Cal went through so much because of the love they felt for each other that in the end they decided to keep it a secret from everybody. Now, with Steph and her unconditional acceptance of what they were, a married gay couple, they started to feel more and more secure in what they had. She helped them realize that they didn't need the acceptance of others around them as long as they both accepted and loved the other.

A few hours later, silence filling the house from head to toe, Cal lay in bed waiting for Ram to come back upstairs. The creaking board on the stairs caused him to smile just as his love slid silently into their room, closing the door behind him.

"Did you finally reach him?"

"Yep," Ram crawled next to him, pulling Cal's back into his chest. "He was already asleep; but guess what? He didn't mind to be woken up," he grinned into the darkness.

"Steph will squeal with glee when she finds Hal at the breakfast table tomorrow," Cal kissed the beefy lower arm encircling his chest.

"I don't think she will squeal as much as kiss him senseless… in front of our eyes… both moaning… causing us to get all tight up and there'll be nothing we can do about that with him in the house."

"There's still tomorrow night," Cal chuckled. "I doubt I'll be back in working order till then; but I'll be all yours to love."

Ram smiling bit Cal's shoulder before placing some soft good-night kisses on his neck and pulling him even deeper into his body.


	17. Christmas Morning

**_Disclaimer: All the characters you recognize from the Stephanie Plum books belong to Janet Evanovich._**

**_A/N: This story isn't beta'ed. Any grammar faults or spelling errors are not to be considered flaws or defects but enhance the individual beauty : )_**

**_The next three chapters will be about Christmas. I LOVE Christmas. It's my favorite holiday. Not because it's a good time for me. On contrary, I dread it every year. But in my mind I have this wonderful picture of love, affection and gratitude that I hope to experience one day. I want to share that with you and at the same time give you an impression of Ram, Cal, Hal and Steph's Christmas time._**

**_Warning: Here in Germany gays are completely integrated in our society. I know that's not the case overseas. So if anyone is offended by gay smut, they should scroll down to the last two or three paragraphs once the smut starts._**

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**Chapter 17 – Christmas Morning**

**Christmas Morning, Seaside Heights**

It was Christmas morning and the ancient grandfather clock chimed nine; but nobody paid tribute to the deep soft sound of its gong. In the corner of the living room the fire in the antique stove crackled happily, warming the house. An old stairwell with creaking floor boards led to the bedrooms on the first floor where Steph was dreaming peacefully. The only animation in the otherwise silent house was in the kitchen where Ram was kneading yeast dough for breakfast. Christmas songs were quietly playing in the radio and he was in a perfect mood. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been this happy to celebrate Christmas; this year was special in every aspect. He loved Cal more than ever before. Steph had become a part of their small family and they adored her. And even though Cal and he had decided to leave Hal in the dark about their relationship, they'd invited him as a surprise for Steph, giving the whole day a true family feeling. Looking out of the window Ram couldn't help the smile growing on his face. Thick and fluffy snowflakes silently floated through the air, coloring everything with their magical white. Their yellow beach house looked like a model for Hallmark cards with the thick blanket of snow covering the roof and balustrade of the porch. He had already gone berserk shoveling snow in the dark before Cal left around six to drive back to Trenton and pick up Hal. They still had to come back; but Ram didn't worry. Cal was a formidable driver, he'd make sure they'd arrive safely. Giving the yeast dough a warm place and time to relax, he pulled shortcrust dough out of the fridge and started to bake cookies. He felt anxious; but in a good way and just couldn't sit still. Besides, he loved the joyous glow on Steph's face when he made her fresh cookies.

#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~

Steph snuggled her head deeper into her fluffy pillow and enjoyed the feeling of complete relaxation in her body; that feeling you only had after a perfect night of deep and sound sleep. Her eyes still closed her nose started to sniff the air. Mmmmmh, coffee and fresh baked cookies. Smiling she let the smell fill her nostrils and take a seat in her frontal lobe. She loved Ram. Cal was an amazing cook; but Ram could bake the stuff out every cake and cookie. Downstairs she could hear Christmas music playing and knew either Cal or Ram had opened the door to her bedroom. Cracking an eye open confirmed her assumption. It was their way to slowly wake her up. What a perfect day, Steph thought and stretched languorously. There were quiet voices floating upstairs and she tried to listen closer. Turning onto her side she concentrated… and froze. That couldn't be. No way. But it was him. She would recognize his chuckle from a thousand others. Throwing the thick duvet aside, she jumped out of bed, grabbed her worn-out robe from the hook at the bathroom door, and raced down the stairs.

Steph barreled through the door to the kitchen like a cannon ball and squealing threw herself into Hal's already waiting arms. Cal and Ram both smiled at each other, bumped fists and excused themselves, not that anybody heard them. Hungry lips were finding each other, famished for the other's taste and feel. Steph moaned into Hal's mouth as her arms closed around his neck, pulling herself closer into him. Four days Hal had survived without her near him. Now, his answering moan was just as loud as hers. God, he didn't realize how much he'd missed her until he held her in his arms. Keeping one hand at her back, reverently rubbing up and down, the other loosened the knot of her robe and sneaked under it, caressing her through her flannel pajamas. Her body was emanating warmth and coziness and Hal couldn't help but pull back and start peppering her face with soft kisses. He loved her so much.

"I missed you," he whispered between kisses. "Sometimes at night the yearning seemed unbearable."

His nose nuzzled her face, gently blowing his warm breath over her cheeks. He was shaved to perfection and smelled of his Eau de Cologne. Steph was in heaven. Throwing her head back she let him scrape his teeth along her jaw and down her throat, placing open mouthed kisses along the way. None of them were aware of their surroundings or the time passing by until a loud male voice hollered a 'YO!' in their direction, startling them.

Blushing they both turned their faces to a smirking Ram and Cal who were leaning side by side against the sink as though they'd been there for hours.

"While watching you is inspiring and interrupting you is downright tragic," Ram chuckled, " breakfast is ready and Cal and I are hungry."

Blushing even more at his innuendo, Steph and Hal looked around to find the breakfast table set. How could they have missed that? How much time had passed? In front of them stood a steaming baking tray with fresh made cinnamon rolls; there were fresh cookies spread everywhere, mugs and plates lay in front of them ready to use and pots with coffee, tea and hot coca waited for them.

"Oh my god," Steph hid her red face behind her hands, completely embarrassed, causing both Cal and Ram to laugh out loud.

One after another they strode over to her still sitting on Hal's lap, hugged her and pressed a soft kiss into her wild curls. "Love ya, Sweetie. Merry, merry Christmas to you." After that they bumped fists with Hal and wished him a merry Christmas, too.

Breakfast lasted an hour. It was full of merriment and joy leaving each of them with tears streaming down their faces from laughing so hard. Ram and Cal had a great sense of humor, constantly teasing each other, and Hal showed a side of himself that so far just Steph knew. Once he relaxed and let his hair down, the otherwise so quiet and shy man had a wonderful deadpan humor and was a smooth talker with a golden tongue. Before you knew it, he'd refuted your argument and sold you the exact opposite. Stephanie was sure he could even sell a freezer to an Eskimo if he put his mind on it. To say Ram and Cal were impressed was an understatement. After the four polished off the cinnamon rolls and some cookies on top, Ram and Cal took care of the kitchen to give Hal some privacy to get into his ski-pants he brought with him. It was time for some outdoor activity as long as there was enough light.

Steph had excused herself to her bedroom to change when a loud thud and yelp had her running down the stairs the same moment Ram and Cal rushed into the living room from the kitchen. The small coffee table at the side of the recliner was turned over, its contents strewn over the floor, the wheelchair lay on its side and Hal lay twisted in the middle of it with the ski-pants bunched up at his knees. His eyes were shut and he pressed his hands at his forehead as though it was hurting while inimitable curses flew out of his mouth.

"Hal," Steph called out and hurried over to him.

"Go away, I'm fine," he growled.

"You are not," Steph kneeled down next to him and sorted his legs out.

"I said go the fuck away. Leave me alone, Steph, don't you get it?"

His voice was loud and angry; but Steph remained unperturbed. Turning around to Ram and Cal, she asked for some privacy and watched them retreating to the kitchen.

"They are gone," she said quietly and squeezed Hal's arm who had turned his head away from her. "Show me your brow. Did you hit the coffee table?" Her soft hands caressed Hal's cheek until he budged and turned toward her. Locking eyes with him, she removed his hand and winced at the sight of the bump and bruise already blossoming on his forehead.

"Oh Baby," she bent forward and pressed a whisper soft kiss on it. "What happened?

"Tried to pull the pants on and fell," she saw the embarrassment coloring his face red and wanted to hug him; but held back. Hal was a proud man and hated it to show weakness in front of her. She had learned to respect that.

"Come on," she scooted down his legs and with two swift movements had the ski-pants pulled off. "We need to get you upright for a new try."

"Steph," Hal started to interject; but Steph shushed him immediately.

"If we want to try a relationship, you're going to have to learn to rely on me."

Ignoring his glare, she helped him on his knees before picking up the wheelchair and rolling it directly behind him. Once the brakes were set Hal pulled himself back into the seat and sat there with his blank face in place.

"Do you hurt elsewhere?" Steph crouched in front of him, rubbing his lifeless thighs up and down.

"Just my pride," he whispered quietly and averted his eyes.

Steph snuggled in his lab and started kissing him. Her lips brushed his brow, his temples, nipped at his nose and jaw before she finally found his lips. His response was hesitant; but soon enough she heard him moan into her mouth and felt his tense muscles relax under her.

"That's my man," she whispered against his lips. "Now, let's try it again."

"Steph," Hal whispered with closed eyes, anguish written over his face.

"No, Baby, you listen to me. I want this. Helping you is completing me. Please, honor what is developing between us by relying on me and letting me help. This is going to be a part of our future and the earlier we adapt to that, the stronger the bond between us is going to be."

Steph watched his face until he opened his eyes. "This is so hard for me. Please, be patient, will you?"

"We have all the time in the world. No one is rushing us, Baby."

"I like that," Hal smirked at her. "You calling me Baby."

"Get those pants on and I'll call you a whole lot more," Steph grinned back.

She glided off his lap, knelt down in front of him and bunched up one leg of the ski pants. Hal grabbed his thigh with his hands, lifted it up, and let his feet down into the hole. Instantly the leg of his loose-fitting jeans slid up.

"I see the problem now," Steph murmured. "Okay, I will keep the jeans leg down while you pull up the ski-pants as far as they go." Between the two of them they mastered the task beautifully. "Come on Loverboy," Steph smiled up at him. "One leg down, one to go." Once both pant-legs were as far up Hal's legs as they could go with him sitting, he took his crutches and straightened up, giving Steph the chance to pull the pants all the way up while tugging the jeans beneath it in place.

Ten minutes later Hal rolled outside the front door and turned left on the porch to get to the backyard. He and Steph were snuggled up tight in their winter gear and ready to tackle the white wilderness. At the backside of the house three steps lead into the yard. Steph and Hal both stopped and cursed. Glaring at the new obstacle, Hal rolled a couple feet backwards, set the breaks and to Steph's surprise let himself glide out of the chair and onto his knees.

"No one keeps me from building my snowman," he pressed his lips together, positioned his body on the top step and started to slide down on his butt. Once he got to the bottom step and sunk into the fresh snow, he adjusted his legs and was able to pull himself through the snow using the strength of his arms. Steph swallowed hard at the sight; but Hal's eyes were on fire with determination as he started to shovel snow with his hands. He wasn't letting his handicap get in the way of his fun and she sure as hell would follow his example.

When Cal and Ram eventually joined them, Steph and Hal had already formed a real-size snow wheelchair and were working on the first ball.

"How cool is that?" Ram exclaimed with a dangerous gleam in his eyes once he set them on their handiwork. "Wait, I'll get my tools."

A few minutes later, the huge snowball forgotten, he and Hal were sitting next to the wheelchair and carving details into the compressed snow to make it more authentic. They were so immersed in their work that neither of them cared for the sun suddenly shining, the seagulls screeching or the waves breaking at the shore behind them. Cal and Steph stood aside and smiling watched their partners.

"Guess our men will be busy for a while," Cal put his arm around Steph's shoulder and pulled her into his side. "How about we build our own snowman and woman?"

#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~

Their time in the backyard was a blast; but at some point Hal's lips started to turn blue from constantly sitting in the snow and they had to get him back into the warmth of the house. It was three in the afternoon and darkness was settling in as Cal stood in the kitchen, humming to Frank Sinatra's Christmas collection. In the pot in front of him the milk had just cooked and he was studiously stirring Vanilla sauce powder into it, keeping an eagle eye on the mix so there wouldn't be any lumps. He was so lost in his thoughts and the music that he involuntarily jumped when Ram slid his arms around his waist and pressed a soft kiss onto his neck.

"How aware you are of your surroundings, lover," Ram teased him, nipping at his pulse point.

Cal moved his head to the side to give him more access. After fifteen years together he and Ram were relaxed about their time for intimacy; but today he painfully longed for his man. "Where's Hal?" He asked, letting Ram place open-mouthed kisses along his neck and jaw.

"Wrapped up in several blankets and fast asleep on the recliner. Pulling his body through the snow for hours did a number on him."

Cal let go of a deep breath when Ram pulled his shirt out of his jeans and started to caress his naked chest. Reaching Cal's nipples he pinched them causing the man pressed to his front to buckle.

"Keep stirring." Ram commanded when Cal lost his rhythm.

"Steph?" Cal half groaned, half moaned.

"Asleep on her bed after her hot bath. Covered her up, too."

"So it's just the two of us?"

"Mmmmhmmmm," Ram hummed into Cal's ear, making him shiver.

"You keep stirring," he ordered. "When you stop, I stop."

Cal felt Ram crouch down behind him and knew he had to be a good boy or otherwise he'd be punished. Suddenly Ram's hands were under Cal's pant legs, caressing him, massaging his calf. When he couldn't move up any further, Ram's hands switched to the outside of Cal's jeans. His grip was firm, running up the outside of Cal's leg, massaging his butt, going back. With every turn, Ram's hands glided more to the inside of Cal's thighs. From above him he could hear Cal's panting mixed with the sound of the spoon stirring the vanilla sauce. From time to time they loved to indulge in some role play and he knew exactly what turned his partner on, what he could take and what not. Grasping the inside of the thighs, Ram dug his fingers into the muscles and heard his partner groan. Inch for inch his hands moved upward, closer and closer to Cal's crotch before retreating again. It was an agonizing slow game. Upping the speed the friction started to warm Ram's hands and he eyed the closed kitchen door. Seeing Hal and Steph constantly necking had driven him crazy. He needed Cal. Now. Suddenly the stirring sounds above him stopped on a moan. Immediately Ram's hands halted, dug deep into the flesh from Cal's legs and he bit hard into his jeans covered ass. Very hard. The exclamation of pain from Cal caused Ram's cock to twitch.

"I told you not to stop stirring," he quickly straightened up behind Cal and pulled him roughly into his chest. "That was an order."

"I'm sorry," Cal panted.

"Lift your arms."

In one swift movement Cal's shirt was gone and Ram bit down on his shoulder, sucking the flesh into his mouths, marking his man.

"Mine," he growled.

"Yours," came Cal's whimper back.

"Stir!" The command was harsh, laced with emotion.

Cal obediently hurried to get back into a steady rhythm. Ram's hands started to wander over Cal's chest, following the ridges of his abs, palming his sculpted pecs, scratching short nails down his front. All the while his mouth imitated the movements of his hands, scraped its teeth over the flexing muscles of Cal's back, biting down here and there causing Cal to moan deeply. Ram knew how far gone his partner was and he was close behind him. His cock was throbbing, ready to blow through the zipper of his pants. Feeling Cal's protruding tight nipples, Ram pinched them hard, causing Cal's knees to give way for a second. To keep his balance, Cal stopped stirring and grabbed the countertop. The growl behind him was instantaneous.

"Wrong move," Ram's voice was both menacing and dripping with desire.

He grabbed Cal's ass and grounded his hard erection into him, pushing Cal roughly against the oven. Within seconds, Cal's jeans and briefs were shoved half down his thighs and Ram swept some lubricant over his diamond-hard cock. He spread Cal's buns and probed at his puckered hole. The moment Cal became aware of the sensation, his body relaxed on command and he welcomed his lover inside him. Ram didn't stop to give him time to adjust. He pushed his cock all the way up, just halting when his groin hit Cal's firm butt. The moans echoing from the kitchen walls were resounding.

"That's it, my love," Ram whispered into Cal's ear, their little game of bondage and devotion forgotten. Slowly he pulled his cock nearly all the way out before drilling back again. The friction Cal's tight hole was causing was heaven. Ram continued his torture of slow retreat and forceful push back for what felt like hours before he started to speed up. One of his arms encircled Cal's stomach for leverage, the other grabbed his throat. He was nibbling at the side of Cal's neck when he felt the telltale tingle of an orgasm start in his abdomen. His mouth latched on and his pumping became frantic. The moment the first spasms hit his cock, giving jets of his semen free, he bit down hard, drawing blood. It was either that or screaming. Ram desperately tried to hold back the loud groans coming in time with the contractions of his groin; but he couldn't. The orgasm he had was overwhelming and he needed to grab Cal's body harder not to lose his balance. Cal realized the problem and wrapped his arms around Ram's waist behind him.

"You okay, Sweetheart?" He turned his head and looked over his shoulder at his partner.

"Yeah, just… oh my god, that was amazing," Ram had the most beautiful smiled on his face, his eyes all soft and satisfied. He pulled his softening cock out and Cal moaned unhappy at the feeling of loss. "I'd love to take you up to bed now for some after play," Ram nuzzled his ear, "but I wouldn't be surprised if I woke up the house and Hal and Steph are standing outside this door with their eyebrows raised."

The thought made Cal chuckle. "You most definitely weren't quiet." He wanted to pull his pants up; but Ram grabbed his face with both hands and looked deep in Cal's eyes. "You deserve to be thoroughly loved, no matter the price. I love you," he pressed a soft kiss on his partner's lips before letting him go.

"You know," Cal started as he pulled his shirt back on. "I really enjoyed this day with Hal. I mean, I liked him before; but this unknown side of him really undid me." He leaned back against the countertop and regarded his partner cautiously. "I'd like to tell him about us and have him stay overnight."

Cal became silent and gauged Ram's reaction. He saw his partner's muscles tense and his blank face come down.

"You know what happened the last time we were open about us," Ram's voice was quiet and laced with pain. After all the years that had passed since then, he still woke up in cold sweat from time to time, remembering every agonizing detail.

"Yes, I know," Cal stepped up to him and cupped his face, tracing his thumbs over Ram's lips. "But this is Hal we are talking about. Look what he's overcome. He's not your average small mind. I want to make Steph a permanent part of our life; she's good for us; but she loves Hal and is going to want to spend time with him. Making him a part of our little family seems the best way to keep her with us."


	18. Christmas Afternoon Revelations

**_Disclaimer: All the characters you recognize from the Stephanie Plum books belong to Janet Evanovich._**

**_A/N: This story isn't beta'ed. Any grammar faults or spelling errors are not to be considered flaws or defects but enhance the individual beauty : )_**

**_What is the secret behind Ram's aversion to coming out? Poor guys have been through so much. And all the while Steph stands tall and strong to help Hal see that he can rely on her.  
_**

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**Chapter 18 – Christmas Afternoon Revelations**

**Christmas afternoon, Seaside Heights**

Although it was only 4 in the afternoon, a wintry darkness had settled upon Seaside Heights. The full moon shone softly from a starlit sky gracefully dipping a silvery light over Ram and Cal's small beach house. While the other houses in the Cul-de-Sac lay deserted until next summer, their little home bordering the wildlife refuge rested snuggly in a blanket of glistening snow. The soft lights glowing through the windows of the ground floor radiated a cozy, welcoming charm and the fire crackling in the antique stove provided a homey and secure atmosphere.

The deep soft chime of the grandfather clock faded away unheard. Somewhere a floor board creaked and Steph appeared curiously at the lowest step of the stairs. Seeing Hal fast asleep in the set-back recliner filled her heart with warmth. As quietly as she could she walked over to him, sat down on the chair's arm rest and gazed at his peacefully snoozing form. Watching him for a moment she marveled at the boyish features his face showed when he was asleep. The stress and worry lines around his eyes and mouth were gone, his muscles were relaxed and a small smile tucked at the corners of his lips. Slowly her mouth started to brush his, placing whisper soft kisses on the corners of his lips. Her hand sneaked under the blankets he was snuggled in and was just about to caress his chest when his icy blue eyes opened and blinked at her sleepily.

"Mmmmmmh, what a way to wake up," he murmured with his deep voice husky from sleep.

Steph's hormones jumped at attention at the sight of the man stretching in front of her. Working his arms free, Hal pulled her onto his chest just to grimace the next second.

"What's wrong?" She asked alarmed. "Do you hurt?"

Hal blushed and squeezed his eyes shut. "My bladder's screaming at me, that's all. Guess we have to delay cuddling with each other."

To her own surprise, Steph had to chuckle at his admission and, after pressing an urgent kiss on his lips, worked herself off his lap. She helped Hal transferring the recliner into an upright position and handed him his crutches. Once he stood and had found his balance, she stepped in front of him, sneaked her arms around his waist and looked up.

"The guest bathroom is really small, not much room to move, no bars as aid," she searched his eyes. "I'll wait here. Call me, if you need help. Don't be shy about it. Promise?"

Hal blushed furiously and squirmed in her arms; but he held her gaze and nodded. Steph was right. He had to learn to rely on her as much as he did on Bobby. Otherwise the relationship between them wouldn't stand a chance.

Stepping into the small room and turning around on lifeless legs was a challenge. Pushing down his pants, lowering himself on the toilet seat, all without falling, and donning his boxer shorts and jeans afterwards was painful; but Hal managed and smiling stepped out of the bathroom. Being greeted with open arms and a bone melting kiss was like whipped cream on top of a hot cocoa. Breathless, he and Steph were just about ready to step away from each other, when the flavor of roasting apples wafted into their noses causing them to moan in unison.

Entering the kitchen together, they caught Cal, now clad in a turtleneck, as he opened the oven and pulled a baking tray full of sizzling apples out.

"Before you get disappointed, Sweetie," Ram spoke up from the kitchen table where he was sitting with a book in his hands. "I know we said you'd make the apples; but you and Hal were so bushed and napping peacefully that we didn't have the heart to wake you. You can do them the next time, okay?"

Steph nodded and checked her mouth for drool. With lightning speed she rushed to the cupboard that held the plates and the drawer with the flatware. In the back of her mind she was aware of Ram and Hal's deep laughter as she bustled around them setting the table; but she didn't care. In record time she let herself fall down on the built-in corner seat and padded the spot next to her for Hal.

The roasted apples were delicious. Cal had removed the core and filled the empty space with a mix of marzipan, almonds and raisins. Now, each of them got a steaming apple on their plate smothered with vanilla sauce. It tasted amazing. Steph and Hal moaned their way through two servings and looked as though they longed for a third, when Ram curbed their enthusiasm.

"I know Cal loves to see you eating so happily; but leave some room for dinner, will ya?" He smiled good-heartedly.

Steph and Hal both blushed and then laughed in unison. "We can't help it if he stuffs us like Christmas gooses. Besides, I don't plan on moving much more today anyway," Hal added with a happy sigh. "All you perhaps have to do is helping me into the car and out of it when you drive me home later."

"About that," Cal looked at Ram and gave him a small smile before directing his gaze back on Hal. "You are a really great guy, Hal, with an even greater personality hidden behind the shy front. We had a lot of fun today and thoroughly enjoyed your company. Steph is happier than we've ever seen her and Ram and I wondered whether you'd like to stay overnight and we take you back tomorrow. The only problem is that the bedroom is upstairs; but I'm sure between us three men we'd get you up there."

Steph felt her jaw drop at Cal's words. She knew they didn't want Hal to stay because then their secret about being gay would be out in the open. How else would they explain that there were just two bedrooms in use for three people? Hal's hand stroking her thigh brought her out of her mental meanderings.

"Would you like me to stay?" He nuzzled Steph's nose, wanting to make sure she was comfortable with the idea.

"Yes," she whispered against his lips. "So very, very much."

Before they could get lost in kissing each other, Cal cleared his throat and continued. "Since that is settled, you have to learn the one big rule in this house that is overshadowing everything. You disobey against it, you don't just disappoint us; but will instantly lose our trust and friendship. Forever."

Hal locked eyes with Cal so he could see the truth in them and nodded.

"What happens in this house, stays in this house and is not to be talked about outside of these four walls," Cal looked at him deadpan.

When Hal furrowed his brow, Cal stood up and put his right hand in his pocket getting out the matching set of wedding bands Steph knew so well. She'd immediately missed seeing them on Ram and Cal's fingers today, but accepted their reasoning though she didn't like it. Now, she couldn't believe what she was seeing, when Cal got down on one knee. Reverently, he took Ram's left hand and slipped the ring in place, then he put the matching one on his own left ring finger. For the longest moment they looked at each other, their love pouring out of their eyes, before Cal got up and pressed the most loving kiss on Ram's lips.

"You have any questions?" He asked Hal after returning to his chair.

"No," Hal leaned back and crossed his arms in front of his chest before smiling at his two colleagues. "I'm just glad you finally confirmed what I assumed since the first day I met you," he smirked.

"What does that mean?" Ram's blank face slammed down, his voice cold. "Is there anyone talking about us at Rangeman?"

"No, not that I know of; but when you come from an abusive home and are as quiet as I am, you learn to read the people around you very early in your life. You and Cal never participated in the pranks played on me. That made me like you. I watched you and there was an intimacy between the two of you that can only come with being friends and partners for years; but my gut always told me there's more. I doubt anybody else picked up on that."

"Just so we are clear," Ram's emotionless face got hard. "Telling you was Cal's idea. If you talk about the relationship between us to anyone outside this room, you'll have to answer me and I won't care that you are sitting in a wheelchair. Got it?"

The protective vibes he was emanating had any lesser man pee his pants; but Hal kept his cool, held Ram's cold gaze and reached over to squeeze his arm. "Nobody," he looked straight into Ram's eyes. "I repeat, nobody. Will hear about this from me. There's nothing to fear. In my opinion it doesn't matter who loves whom, whether they are of the same or opposite gender, as long as they make each other happy. The latter is obvious between you two and that is all that counts. I won't hurt the trust you are putting into me."

Cal smiled happily at him and grabbed Ram's left hand to press a kiss on the ring.

"Ram," Steph scooted over and climbed onto his lap. "You never told me and I never asked; but… why are you so scared of anybody finding out?"

Instead of looking up and smiling having a quick reply at hand, Ram stared down at Steph's lap and she could see deep anguish darkening his face. Whatever had happened in the past must have been excruciating for him.

"My parents live in Dale City, Virginia," he started hesitantly after a few minutes while Cal got busy cleaning the table. "Five years after Cal and I got together I was stationed in Quantico not twenty minutes away from them and Cal was on home leave visiting me. Nobody knew about our relationship. We had a beautiful apartment outside base; the neighbors were all elderlies, happy that they had a Marine sniper watching out for them. Cal and I were deeply in love and on a whim I decided to come out and tell my parents about us. I knew it would be hard on them; they were very religious Catholics; but I thought if they'd see how happy I was, they'd accept my choice. Let's just say I was wrong about that. The atmosphere at the dinner table after dropping the bomb was ice cold and I just wanted to get it over with and take Cal home with me. After that night my family shunned me; no calls, no invitations though I'd been with them at least once weekly. In addition they made it clear that should we meet by accident that they wouldn't tolerate Cal. I'd always been a well-loved kid and their behavior broke my heart," Ram stopped taking a deep breath. Out of nowhere Cal appeared, handed him a bottle of water, bent down and pressed a comforting kiss onto his head.

"It was the Wednesday two weeks later and I had pulled a night shift, when…" Ram's voice got thin and everybody could see him swallow convulsively before he started anew. "My parent's church was radical in their belief; but I wasn't aware that they had a secret split-off that violently advanced their opinions, let alone did I know my younger brother was part of that group," Ram paused, obviously warring with his emotions. "They came that night to pay me a visit; but instead of me they found Cal asleep on the couch. My brother brought the key to my apartment, that's how they got in. He held Cal at gunpoint while the others took their baseball clubs and beat him to a bloody pulp. Cal had a couple beers before falling asleep. They smashed the bottles and with the fragmented bottle necks hit and cut him wherever they could. When I came home," Ram trembled and squeezed his eyes shut. Steph put her arms around his neck and held him tight.

"You don't have to tell if it's too hard for you. I'm sorry I asked," she whispered in his ear, stroking his back.

After a minute Ram looked up and his eyes were tear-filled. "No, if there are two people in this world I want to know it's you and Hal. You need to understand," he snuffled and angrily wiped at the tears now pouring down his cheeks. "When I came home I found Cal lying in a huge pool of blood, the apartment destroyed. I could see that he had internal bleedings and many of his bones including limbs were broken. Black bruises were blooming everywhere, his chest and abdomen were naked and covered with deep cuts, one going from between his pecs right down to his pelvis. His brow… it was shredded to the bone with strips of flesh hanging loosely around." Ram no longer tried to hold back the tears. "I fell on my knees next to him and felt for a pulse; but there was none. The one person I loved more than my own life neither had a heart-beat nor did he breathe. I don't remember calling 911. All I remember is my frantic CPR. When the EMTs arrived they had to peel me away from Cal. My shirt, my hands, my face, everything was blood smeared; but I didn't care. All I could see was Cal's pale complexion and his un-moving chest as the paramedics continued to work on him," Ram took a deep breath, then another, before continuing. "They got him revived at the hospital; but he crashed two more times while they were doing surgery on him. He had lost too much blood and his systems were collapsing. Nobody could say how long he had been without oxygen before I found him, whether there'd be brain damage. It took him two weeks to wake up and when he did, he wasn't able to talk and just drooled confused. My world shattered for a second time. Not that a mental or any other disability would have changed anything about my love for him; but… I'd been a good Catholic, always abode by the Ten Commandments as good as I could. How could god take my most precious treasure from me? Where was the fairness in that? Was it my punishment for being a sniper? For being gay? Cal's speech returned on the fifth day and he got a little better with every day that passed. The magic formula was little steps and those we took. The hospital kept him for two months and another four he spent with me at our home before he had to return to his base in California."

Cal pulled his chair close to Ram and cupped his cheek, wiping away the tears with his thumb. "Every day he spent every free minute in the hospital at my side," his voice was heavy with the unconditional love he felt for his partner. "He washed me, changed my catheter. When I was allowed to leave the bed, he lifted me into a wheelchair and rolled me places. When I took my first cautious steps, he was at my side and slowly walked the floor with me. Once I could leave the hospital, he cared for me at our apartment. Never before in my whole life had I ever felt that loved and cherished. Our relationship was strong before; but back then the bond between us became indestructible."

Ram smiled, leaned into Cal's hand and pressed a soft kiss onto his wrist.

"What happened to your brother? You didn't let him get away with that hateful act?" Steph's eyes were filled with her own tears that Ram gently wiped away before continuing his story.

"No," he swallowed hard. "My brother tried to kill the man I love, Cal flat-lined three times. In addition, they destroyed my apartment and sprayed offensive homophobic slurs on the walls and furniture. The moment Cal told me who caused his torture, I wanted to drive over to my parent's house where my brother still lived and beat him up to the point where he was just alive enough to prolong his suffering. Cal held me off. The matter of pressing charges against my brother brought heated discussion before we finally reached a decision; but we had to tread carefully. This all happened around the time of 'Don't ask, don't tell' in the military and had our relationship become public we stood the chance of facing a dishonorable discharge. So, we filed charges of attempted manslaughter, assault and battery and destruction of property. My brother as the ringleader was convicted and received ten years in prison for the brutality of the act. A year later he died after being stabbed by a fellow inmate. I couldn't find it in myself to feel remorse. No need to say that my parents disowned me because 'I killed their son'.

"I'm so sorry," Steph whispered before turning her head to Cal. "Is that why you have the tattoo on your forehead?"

Cal nodded. "The doctors tried their best to repair my brow; but the damage by the bottle neck was too extensive. I had three plastic surgeries to minimize the scar tissue; but my forehead stayed distorted. Rules about visible tattoos were strict so I had to live with it for the time being. Whether it was the physical damage my body had suffered or in fact some minor brain damage, after coming home to California I didn't pass the test for active duty; neither on the first nor on the second try. I'd been with SEAL team 6 and had a very good reputation. They offered me a job as trainer for other SEALs in San Diego and I was happy about the chance. I stayed there for five years until Ram and I were fed up with constantly being separated and decided to opt out. The moment I got out of the Navy I got the ink. It shows me every day that I'm a survivor. Nobody fucks with me and gets away with it."

"I met Ranger, Les, Bobby and Tank on miscellaneous stints," Ram took over, "and Ranger offered me a job with Rangeman should I ever have enough of the military. One call and visit and I became part of the company. When Cal filled out an application, his résumé was enough for Ranger to seize the opportunity and pull him on board, too. Finally, we were living at the same place, seeing the other each day. Nonetheless we didn't go public. We kept our separate apartments, never sharing a night. I was scared of the consequences of coming out; my brother's actions had burned themselves deep into my mind. Before coming to Trenton Cal and I enjoyed two months of doing nothing. We laid under the California sun, enjoyed the ocean, went out every night, and we married. Once here we bought this house as our hide-out for the weekends and it became our ritual that the moment we step through the front door we put our weddings bands on and as last act before leaving we pull them off and put them into the small wooden bowl where they are waiting for us to come back. Here we can be ourselves and love each other without holding back."

Steph pressed a kiss on Cal's tattoo, then on his cheek before snuggling back into the crook of his neck. "That's such a sad and beautiful love story. I hate that you are hiding your feelings for each other. You deserve to be completely happy with all your friends knowing about you."

"I agree with Steph," Hal spoke up for the first time. He'd become invisible, silently sitting on his perch on the built-in corner seat and listening to Ram and Cal talking with his Angel. As usual everybody had forgotten about him; but now he needed them to listen to him. "I'm the first one to agree with being cautious around people and holding back rather than opening up; but this last year had changed a lot for me and my perspective on people. No need to say that my world broke apart when I learned that I'd never be able to walk again. Steph knows better than anyone how deep I got pulled into darkness after that. It was either giving up and trying to take my life again or fighting the hell back and showing the world who I am. Thanks to her and Vince I decided to fight and look where I am now. That doesn't mean that there aren't setbacks on a nearly daily basis. Just today I wanted to shut down twice; but Steph pulled me out of the dark corners of my mind and made me see the truth. I deserve to be happy; but for that I have to put myself out there and trust even when it makes me uncomfortable. Before my jump off the bridge I thought I didn't have any friends at all. Now I have a bunch and it was those I didn't have on my short list that surprised me most. I can see how Steph is helping you and that the only reason I'm here is because of her; but I for one don't care at all about you being gay and I bet you'd be surprised how many other great guys are working and living within the Rangeman walls who'd give shit about your sexual orientation. If they'd know about you being a couple, they'd be happy for you and you no longer had to hide from them. A few might be shocked, some might throw sideways glances at you; but nobody would say a word, let alone attack you for your choice. Those are all guys who've seen enough shit in their life to change them forever. I'm hundred percent sure that sexual preference is way down on their list of priorities. Think about it."

A heavy silence filled the kitchen. Hal watched Cal abstractedly caressing Steph and Ram completely lost in thoughts. This wasn't how he wanted the mood to be. It was Christmas afternoon and they'd totally lost track of that. The day screamed for merriment and joy and he knew exactly how to get back to that. Pushing himself upright on his crutches, he scuffled over to the radio playing nonstop Christmas songs and turned the volume up. It was time to open presents…


	19. Christmas Night Presents

**_Disclaimer: All the characters you recognize from the Stephanie Plum books belong to Janet Evanovich._**

**_A/N: This story isn't beta'ed. Any grammar faults or spelling errors are not to be considered flaws or defects but enhance the individual beauty : )_**

**_This is a looooong chapter; but I just couldn't take away from it or split it into two. It's all about love, thankfulness and heartfelt gifts. The song is Bonfire Heart by James Blunt._**

**_Question: I'm totally stuck finishing the last three or four chapters of this story. Would you favor I keep publishing the already written chapters quickly and then wait for the last chapters? Or would you prefer that I prolongue publishing to every three our four days and therefore you'll hopefully have all chapters seamlessly?_**

**_Please let me know..._**

* * *

**Chapter 19 – Christmas Night Presents**

**Half an hour later…**

Steph and Hal snuggled together on the built-in corner seat, chuckling, kissing and nuzzling their noses, when Cal put his head through the open kitchen door.

"We are ready, you may come," he smiled over his whole face.

Hal stepped into the living room first and stopped short. A second later Steph appeared next to him and put her hand over her mouth, her eyes wide. The room was illuminated by hundreds of candles of different size. Fresh logs fed the fire in the antique stove, cracking and crackling. The Christmas tree in the corner shone in its grandness, under it several huge and small gifts begging to be opened, and next to it stood Ram with the brightest smile Steph had ever seen on him. With his 6'4" and brawny frame he was an intimidating man just by size, add to that his usual blank face and narrowed eyes and he easily entered scary territory. None of that was on display as he held a glass of wine and beckoned them over to the couch.

"Lady and Gentlemen," he started after Hal got himself situated and each of them had a matching glass of wine. "For the first time since Cal and I married, ever since we're together, we are celebrating Christmas the way it should be done. The reason for this is a certain curly haired brunette who stumbled in our life and influenced many of our perceptions; perceptions of us, of our surroundings. In the short time since we became so close you changed our lives, Steph. Thanks to you we're more relaxed, enjoy our love much more, have become better men. We love you, Sweetie, with all our heart. You elicited the need for family in us and now we are here, celebrating Christmas with you and Hal. For the first time we have a Christmas tree, a real one, even. The house is decorated. I baked cookies like never before in my life and I'm full with these giddy feelings of finally giving you and Cal your presents. You changed me, Sweetie, changed us, and we love the persons we are when we are with you."

Steph wanted to stand up; but Ram stopped her with his hands held up. "You stay right there at Hal's side. If you come over to hug me, I'm going to get all emotional on you. That's all your fault. Stupid feminine side you woke up in me," he glared playfully at her.

Hal laughed out loud and pulled Steph into his side.

"This is as far as I planned my little speech," Ram continued after taking a sip from his wine. "Guess, it's time for the presents," he added and beamed excitedly.

"May I suggest something?" Hal spoke up, halting Ram's descend under the tree.

"Of course. Ignore this kid and tell us what you have on your mind," Cal pulled Ram at the waistband of his jeans next to him on the couch.

"My mother left from home when I was eight. After that I spent every summer and Christmas with my grand-parents, aunts and uncles in Sweden. Christmas there is different and one of their traditions that I always loved was thanking for the best non-material gift of the year. Something that happened unexpected and influenced our lives positive, made us happy. It should remind us to be thankful for all the small events in our lives that deserve to be acknowledged and that are so much more important than a bought gift."

"That sounds wonderful, Hal," Steph leaned over brushed a kiss on his cheek. "I'm game."

Ram and Cal nodded in unison. "We, too."

"Good, then I will start," Hal put his wine glass on the coffee table, pushed himself backwards so he was sitting more straight against the back rest, then grabbed the glass again. "I'm thankful that I'm alive. Last year,on this day I was in a coma. Nobody could tell whether I'd pull through. I never told anybody, not even you, Steph; but after I jumped from the bridge I was visited by an angel. His name was Harvey, angel second class, and he was sent to earth to earn his wings by giving me a glimpse of the future making me see how valuable my life was. He took me to the hospital in Pennsylvania where you all were waiting on word about my condition. I saw Vince beating himself up, convinced he was responsible for what happened, even years later. You, Ram and Cal, had to rescue him from bars regularly. Then there were you Steph. You were broken. I don't know what exactly happened; but it seemed you were struggling with my death, mourning me even after years. I was so angry with myself that I never took a chance with you and showed you what an amazing, wonderful person you are. Lastly, Harvey took me to Portland. After I died, my son got out of control and joined a gang. I had to watch him and his gang brothers being mowed down by a rivaling gang. All that made me understand that I'm indeed needed, that my life has a worth. After regaining consciousness I had to fight for months not to give up. You were there, Steph, every step of the painful way, and look at me now. I still struggle, daily; but I'm glad that I'm alive. My life is richer now than it has ever been before."

"How can you know what happened in the waiting room? That's amazing," Cal said quietly, his eyes locked on Hal. "We were indeed standing next to Vince as he ran the risk of getting lost in his self-reproaches."

"Tank set his head straight."

Cal's eyes got big as saucers at Hal's words. "Unbelievable," he whispered, shaking his head.

Steph swallowed the rest of her wine, set the glass aside and climbed on Hal's lap, snuggling her head into the crook of his neck. "Thank you for never giving up," she whispered, her warm breath tickling his skin. "I know how hard some days are on you and I'm in awe of your strength," she lifted her head and pressed a tender kiss on his lips before leaning her brow against his.

"I have two things I'm especially thankful for," she finally straightened up and got more comfortable on Hal's lap. "For one," she squeezed Hal's arms hugging her, "I'm thankful for having you in my life. You didn't come with a bang and sweep me off my feet but stole your way into my heart slowly and with endurance. Each day, I knew you were behind me, supporting me, and soon enough you became my pillar of strength. I often wondered if that was fair to you. Insecurities beat me down and I thought I should be the one supporting you. Whenever those thoughts crossed my mind, there you were…poof! beside me and you gave me the feeling that I'm one in a million. Thank you, Baby, for being you. You are perfect the way you are."

"Aaaaaww shit, now I get all teary-eyed," Ram chuckling wiped at his eyes. "Geez, woman, what have you done with me. I'm a hard-ass tough guy, I don't do tears."

Steph grinned at him. "I'm not finished, it gets better. The second thing I'm thankful for is you two," she looked over at Ram and Cal and her smile was the definition of warmth and love. "When Hal and I had our clash, not only did my heart shatter but my whole world broke apart. You came to me that night and without saying a word shucked your shoes, climbed into my bed, sandwiched me and let me cry on you for hours whispering words of comfort and love to me. The next morning my heart and soul felt sore; but I no longer felt like I was falling apart. Your freely given love that night put me back together and let me get away with some bruises. I don't think I've spent a single day without you since that night. You invited me into your life, shared your secret with me and became the big brother's I always dreamed to have. Your influence on me is as far-reaching as mine on you. I exercise, I shoot, I can feel me getting more and more confident, and all that without making a conscious effort. It's magic, you are magic, and you are my family."

"Goddamn," Ram stood up, made a step toward Hal and pulled Steph from his lap before even reaching them properly. "Sweetie," he lifted her up and held her tight to his chest burrowing his head in her wild curls. She knew he was searching for the right words; but they didn't come. Instead she felt him taking a shuddering breath in her arms. "May I borrow her for a while," he finally uttered toward Hal who must have nodded because Steph felt herself being lifted up bridal style before Ram sat back down next to Cal with her cradled on his lap.

"That right there is my happy thought," Cal spoke up watching Ram and Steph cuddling, "and the one thing I'm especially thankful for this year."

Ram looked over at his partner and lifted one eyebrow in question.

"You are a very withdrawn man, isolating yourself from others," Cal grabbed Ram's hand and squeezed it gently. "It's not that you are unfriendly. Your colleagues value you. You chat, even hit the bars with them from time to time; but you'd never invest your heart in them. Ten years ago, when the incident with your brother happened, you closed yourself off and built a protective wall around us. I love you and I'm fine with it just being the two of us; but I always hoped that one day you'd be able to trust again and let someone into our life. That first day after we went over to Steph in the middle of the night, I felt the first protective vibes toward her coming from you and with each day you coddled her more. I was so happy. A decade went by with you suffering under the consequences of your brother's attack. I hope that now, with Steph's and perhaps Hal's help, you can finally heal and learn to open up again." Cal leaned over and kissed Ram gently. No tongue, nothing heated; instead the kiss spoke of the unconditional love he felt for him.

"Guess, it's my turn now, eh?" Ram gave Steph a last loving squeeze and she stood up and snuggled back down next to Hal. "Of course I'm thankful for everything you said before; that you, Hal, are alive and kicking, that Steph has found you, that we've found Steph; but the moment that had the biggest impact on my life this year happened early June." Ram looked over at Cal and saw that his partner knew exactly what he was talking about. "May I tell them?" He asked and Cal nodded with a kind smile.

"End of May we had a severe health scare," he took Cal's hand and entwined their fingers, resting their joined hands on his thigh. "You need to know that both Cal's grandfather and father died of bowel cancer. Earlier this year Cal started to suffer from stomach aches. The pain wasn't too bad. It came and went away again and we chalked it up to stress. Over time, the intervals became more regular. I worried; but in the end… we just took it in stride and lived with it. That was until that week in May. Cal left to come here before me and I followed a day later after my last shift. I remember opening the front door and everything was silent; too silent. All my alarm bells went on full alert. I raced through the house and found him lying cramping on our bed with tears running down his face. He had bloody stool and couldn't stand up and walk on his own, the pain was so excruciating. I immediately called Bobby and he met us at the Princeton University Medical Center. They have a very good oncology unit there and I told Bobby about my fear. To cut a long story short, his blood work was all over the place, the leukocytes way increased, everything spoke of cancer. I tried to be strong for you," Ram looked at his love sitting next to him, "but internally my world was breaking apart. You are my life, the center of my universe, and suddenly all I could think about was losing you and how my life would be worthless without you. They did all the works, ran all the tests and we had to report back for a colonoscopy. I was so terrified. The day we went back to get the results was the best day of this year. The doc came in and told us that there were cysts and a benign tumor; but nothing malignant. All it needed was a surgery to remove the neoplasm and a lot of TLC and my man would be as good as new. There were no words adequate for the relief in me. I felt like screaming to the world how much I loved Cal and how happy I was; I was short of bursting with joy. The surgery was a piece of cake and the recovery time went like clockwork. Now, he's healthy and we've never been happier," Ram, smiling, squeezed Cal's hand and leaned over for a chaste kiss.

"But you are okay now, right?" Steph looked anxiously at Cal.

"I'm fine, Sweetie. Don't worry. I stick to a certain diet and enjoy bits on the side from time to time, like today. The scare has taught me how short life can be and I swore that I won't waste it any longer; but live it to the fullest. Now, if you are ready… how about we start on the gifts?"

A few minutes later, Ram had distributed all the wrapped gifts from under the tree and was positively bouncing next to Cal. "Mine first," he looked at Steph and pointed to a big; but soft wrapped something. Excitedly, Steph ripped the wrapping paper away and couldn't believe her eyes. In her lap lay a beautiful brown leather purse in a stylish used look. It had three spacious main compartments with multiple pockets inside. The front had a pocket with leather over flap and metal twist lock buckle for closure, and the adjustable shoulder strap was wire enforced.

"Ram," Steph marveled at the sturdy, yet soft leather. "This is so beautiful and so much better than the bag I use," she looked up at him. "I'd never taken you as someone whose looking into purses."

"Well, it was a challenge; but I think I handled it fine without losing my man-card," he grinned. "You haven't discovered the most important part, yet."

Steph looked curiously at her gift and discovered there was a zipper at the side that seemed to open another compartment.

"That is a concealed carry purse and has a built-in holster," Ram beamed proudly. "You'll always have your gun and ammo at hand now." Ram watched Steph closely for signs of frustration that it wasn't only a nice purse but also something useful for her gun; but he couldn't detect anything aside from joy. She'd really grown up over the last weeks. "The square package to your right belongs to the purse," he nodded to her encouragingly.

Curiously, Steph placed the purse on Hal's lap who immediately inspected it approvingly, and took the package. Something made her go slower this time, opening the wrapping paper with more care. Narrowing her eyes at the plastic case, she looked over at Hal who had an excited gleam in his eyes.

"What?" She furrowed her brow at him.

"Open it, Angel. You'll be surprised," Hal smiled at her, squeezing her thigh.

A moment later, Steph sat speechless on the couch with the open case on her lap. Inside was a small gun; one that she recognized from her training with Ram. It was the first gun she'd ever felt comfortable with.

"That's right, Sweetie," Ram had come over and crouched in front of her. "It's the Springfield Armory XD-S 9mm that you like to shoot. Now you won't have to borrow mine anymore because you have your own. I got it with two seven rounds clips plus an extension that makes it capable of holding nine rounds. We'll continue working with different guns because I want you comfortable with them; but from now on this little sweetie will be your main weapon and yours alone."

Steph stared at the gun and clips in the cushioned case and couldn't believe what she was feeling. "Shit," she exhaled audible. "I think I'm proud."

Ram laughed out loud and lifted himself up to hug her heartily. "Mission accomplished, I'd say," he pressed a caring kiss on her lips and stroked her glowing cheeks. "Now," he straightened up and leveled his gaze on Cal, "it's your turn, my love… open this," he put a small package onto his man's lap and sat down next to him, beaming brightly.

"You know you act like a little boy?" Cal laughed and devoted his attention to the gift in his hands. He unwrapped it slowly and stared at the dark-blue velvety box in front of him. "What does this mean?"

"Open it, open it," Ram could hardly contain his excitement.

Cal cautiously opened the lid and froze. Steph and Hal watched him and grabbed each other's hands as they saw the first tear fall from the hardened man's eyes. "Where?" Was his whisper-soft question as he stared into the box in front of him.

Ram laid his arm around Cal's shoulder and pulled him closer into his side, pressing a tender kiss on his skull. "One day, as I walked the streets of Boston, I came across this antique store and something caught my eye. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw that lying there in the window display. It's your great-grandfather's watch's twin. Built 1902 by William Calloway, his signature is on the backside."

Cal pinched the bridge of his nose to keep the tears from falling and took some deep breaths.

"Come here, honey," Ram pulled Cal over to him so he was half on his lap, guided Cal's head to the crook of his neck and soothingly stroked his side. "The clock is finally back in the family where it belongs."

Steph and Hal watched the exchange of the two men and wondered what the reason for Cal's meltdown was.

"Ever since Cal's ancestors came to America the males have all been clock makers," Ram started to explain while Cal tried to get a handle on his emotions. "The grandfather clock over on the wall was built 1840 by his great-great-great-great-grandfather James Calloway and then there was an antique pocket-watch built 1902 by his great-grandfather William Calloway. Back then, he built a second clock. They were absolutely identical twins; one he kept for himself, the other one he sold," Ram made a pause before he continued. "During his childhood, Cal loved to sit with his grandfather and father watching them built and repair clocks. When his grandfather died, he inherited those two ancient clocks. The grandfather clock went to his apartment in San Diego while the pocket watch stayed with me at Quantico. After my brother's assault I found it completely destroyed under the shattered furniture." Cal shuddered in his arm. "I tried to find a similar one; but none could have replaced the sentimental feelings binding Cal to the original. And now this… the twin returns into the family, completing us again," he leaned down and captured Cal's lips in a loving kiss.

Hal watched the two men across from him and felt humbled that within a couple hours they'd opened up to him to a degree where they shared these emotional moments with him. This day would definitely go on the list of things he'd be thankful for next Christmas. Pulling Steph even closer into his side, he nuzzled her ear and whispered, "Jag älskar dig… I love you," before pressing a lingering kiss onto her curls. This afternoon, this Christmas, was so absolutely perfect. Deep inside he missed his son and thinking about him hurt; but he knew Jerry was taken care of and there was nothing he could do about the situation for the moment. The divorce from Marissa was put into effect and now they were fighting over the child custody. Steph looked up at him, her eyes bright with unshed tears, a soft smile playing around her mouth and their lips found each other's in a warm kiss.

"How about our Sweetie gets her next gift," Cal's voice broke them out of their spell.

Another soft package found its way onto her lap and she beamed at Cal now sitting on the coffee table in front of her. Forgetting her earlier cautiousness, she ripped the wrapping paper open and unfolded a Ju-Jitsu Gi, the traditional competition gear, including a white belt.

"I thought it was time to get you outfitted," Cal smiled softly at her. "Stand up and try the kimono on."

Steph did as she was told and pulled the jacket over the long-sleeved shirt she was wearing. Before she knew what was happening, Cal had fastened the belt in the traditional way around her waist. She had to admit that she felt good. A current was running through her, humming in her muscles, and she could have started training with Cal on the spot.

"Look at her, hun," Cal peered over his shoulder at Ram. "Our Sweetie looks like a real fighter." Turning back to Steph he motioned for her to sit down. "There's more," he said, picking up an envelope that had fallen to the ground. "This will perhaps give you a little scare; but please promise me to at least think about it, okay?"

Steph narrowed her eyes at him and took the envelope. It was heavy, obviously containing several pages. Opening it, she leaned back into Hal's side so he could read the pages together with her. The first was an application form for the United States Ju-Jitsu Federation, next came an application for an assessment at a Ju-Jitsu training center in New York and last an application for a competition in Newark, of course all filled out in Cal's neat handwriting.

"You are an excellent fighter, Sweetie, with a fast mind and even faster reactions and you have this stubbornness that forbids you to give up. I'd love to enroll you into this competition in the flyweight beginner class because I know that none of the other women will stand a chance against you. I wouldn't say that if wasn't one hundred percent convinced that you could do this. The other two forms for the federation and the Gracie trainings center in New York are just necessities. Will you think about it? Please?"

Steph saw the boyish excitement glowing in Cal's eyes and turned her head to Hal. "What do you think?"

Hal smiled and squeezer her. "I wasn't aware that you've become so good this fast; but I trust Cal's judgment without reserve. He would never send you into a potentially dangerous situation that could strip away your self-confidence. I would say go for it but know that whatever you decide, I have your back."

Steph smiled at him, turned back to Cal and shook her head. "You crazy man. I'll do it, IF…," she stopped him from jumping up with joy. "If you are sure that I won't feel like a failure in the end."

"Hundred percent sure, Steph. I promise Ram and I will make sure that you feel like a champion afterwards," Cal beamed brightly, finally jumping up and pulling Steph with him for a tight hug. "You will feel wonderful, I promise."

Ram was the next who got his gift from Cal. It was another heart-breaker causing the two men to hug and kiss each other once more. Even back in his youth, Ram was a quiet boy. While his friends roamed the streets searching for trouble, he spent hour after hour in his room reading adventure books. He struggled with the strict religious life his family led and the books helped him to hide from the demands and guilt coming with the family's belief. The book series he loved most was the 'Famous Five' by Enid Blyton; twenty-one books that sucked him into a world of lightheartedness and adventures. After Ram's brother was convicted for what he'd done to Cal, Ram went to his parents' home to get his childhood stuff, expecting that the relationship with them would be destroyed forever. His parents weren't at home so he let himself in; but his childhood room was empty; the furniture and mementos all gone. He searched the whole house, the basement; but his stuff remained gone. It turned out, his parents had given away everything even rudimentary dealing with their son. For them Ram was dead and they didn't want anything reminding them of him in their house.

Cal's gift was first edition copies of each book in that series. It had taken him nearly a year to collect them from different second-hand book shops over the US; but he managed and presented them to Ram in a very antique looking wooden treasure chest with black iron fittings. The chest alone took Ram's breath away, he loved ancient woodwork; but when he discovered the books inside he had to fight hard not to become a puddle of raw emotions.

"Shit. It's good that Christmas is just once per year," Ram dabbed a tissue at his eyes. "This new girly me couldn't stand it twice. I swear if one of you tell anybody about me getting all touchy-feely, I kill you," he laughed to himself.

Steph smiled at Hal, pressed a quick kiss on his lips before standing up and moving over on Cal's lap. "Then you should probably not open this," she put an angular box into Cal's hands and kept Ram's away from him, grinning when he tried to grab it.

"Give it to me," Ram growled, causing Steph to laugh out loud.

"You sure you can handle it?" she juggled the box in front of his eyes.

Before she could even blink, Ram had Steph hauled from Cal's lap and over his shoulder, placing her back next to Hal. "You don't worry about me, you little vixen. Worry about yourself and your man's health," he grinned demonically at her, finally grabbing his gift.

"Steph, are you crazy?" Cal was the first to reveal the wrist watch. "This is an Aviator III, an original Navy SEAL's watch. It costs around seven-hundred dollars," he looked at her with a mix of awe, joyful glow, and discontentment.

Next to him Ram had finally unwrapped his box and found the same watch in it. "Make that one-thousand-four-hundred dollars," he glared at Steph.

"But," her bottom lip started to quiver under their scrutiny, her eyes getting wet. "But I thought you'd like them. Hal has an Aviator and I think it's the coolest and you are the best guys I know next to Hal and you deserve the best," Steph finished with a trembling voice, the first tear running down her face.

"Sweetie," Ram and Cal said in unison, straightening up as one. They both moved over to her and sat down on the coffee table in front of her. "This isn't about us not loving your gift. These two watches are the shit. I mean, they are fucking amazing. The reason Cal and I aren't pleased right now is that we know how little money you have and we don't want you to spend it on us. How did you even get that much together to buy these?" Cal motioned his hand holding the watch.

Steph snuffled and wiped the tears away from her cheeks. "Hal helped me. I'll pay him the money back."

Next to Steph, Ram and Cal could see Hal rolling his eyes causing them involuntarily to smirk. Apparently he didn't want the money back; but stubborn Steph was a pain in the ass. Ram let go of a deep sigh before putting the watch on his wrist. It fit his arm perfectly. "Thank you, Sweetie. Thank you so very much for this gorgeous gift and we're sorry if our reactions hurt your feelings. They were just a sign of our love and concern for you."

Steph nodded and hugged him, then hugged Cal. "There's an engraving on the backside," she said causing Cal to turn his watch and Ram to take his off again.

_Love is not about confining someone…_ stood on the first watch. _…but about letting them grow and fly_ stood on the second.

"Oh Sweetie," Cal pulled her over onto his lap causing the coffee table to groan under her, Cal and Ram's combined weight. "Isn't that the motto of our lives? Thank you so much," he pressed her tightly against his chest, stroking her back through the Kimono she still wore. "Sorry for our reaction earlier. This is a wonderful and thoughtful gift and I'll wear the watch every day to honor you and our friendship." Glancing over at Hal sitting quietly on the sofa, he couldn't help but wonder how it must feel for him to watch them exchange gifts, hugging and kissing each other all the time. Well, he, Ram and Steph had become family over the past weeks and he'd just have to learn to deal with it. On the other hand they'd invited him to become part of their family and so far he didn't seem to mind. "How about we give Hal his presents," Cal whispered into Steph's ear. "He looks a little forlorn over there."

In the blink of an eye, Hal became the center of the attention.

"This is a little something from Ram and me," Cal told him as he put a wrapped square frame onto Hal's lap. "Inviting you was a short-term decision so we didn't have time to prepare something big; but we're sure you will like our gift just as much," he smiled.

It was a picture frame with a collage of photos of Steph fighting with Cal, having fun at an Aquatics Center, shooting, working on Hal's gift, chillaxing in her flannel PJs. All pictures were taken while she was together with Ram and Cal at Seaside Heights and each one of them showed a contentment and self-assurance on Steph's face that warmed Hal's heart.

"Thank you, thanks so much," Hal locked his eyes with the two men in front of him. "I know exactly where I will place it."

"Wait till you see this," Steph said with a face-splitting smile and pulled her huge gift onto the coffee table that Ram and Cal had cleared.

To say Hal was speechless when he saw Steph's handiwork was an understatement. It was obvious to everybody around the table how much he was fighting with his emotions.

"Thank you Steph," he whispered as his fingers reverentially followed the frame of driftwood before gliding over the canvas with _make your life worth loving_ written on it. "It's so perfect, so unbelievably perfect," he pulled her over onto his lap and captured her lips in a searing kiss. When oxygen became a necessity they separated and leaned their foreheads together. "I've never gotten such a meaningful gift ever before in my life and I promise to follow its advice," Hal's voice was full of adoration as he kept placing whisper-soft kisses on Steph's lips. "Tack så mycket, min kärlek. Jag älskar dig," he slipped into his mother tongue, telling Steph how thankful he was and that he loved her.

Forgotten were Ram and Cal and the world around them as their lips found their way back to each other, massaging, nipping, brushing. The next time they came up for air they were alone in the living room. Soft music and distant voices were coming from the kitchen. Instantly feeling unsettled, Steph looked around, blushing.

"Do you think we offended them?"

Hal pulled her back against his chest and caressed her face, tenderly gliding his fingers over her brow, removing the worry line there, then down her nose, along both cheek-bones to her jaw, before brushing them over her lips. "No, Angel. They would have interrupted us, had they minded. They left to give us some privacy for the last gift to open."

Steph furrowed her brow and looked around and indeed there was one more small gift lying on the coffee table.

"That's from me," Hal kissed the magic spot behind Steph's ear causing her to moan softly. "Come on, open it," he pulled her onto his lap after she grabbed the flat square.

Reverently removing the wrapping paper, Steph revealed a CD case with a single blank CD in it. Looking at Hal, she tried in vain to raise an eyebrow, only causing him to chuckle; but he got the hint and took the CD case from her hands.

"I've always loved to make music when I was younger, and I was even in a band in High School. When I started with the Navy, I took my guitar with me and kept playing; but I found I had less and less time to play. Marissa hated my music when I was home because it limited my time with her and Jerry even more than my job with the SEALs already did. So instead of sticking to the one thing that fulfilled me completely, I packed my guitars away and forgot about my music," Hal sighed. "You know how my attitude toward life changed over this last year and now, with you at my side, I feel like flying," he caressed her cheek and pulled her head down for a sweet kiss, "as though everything is a possibility as long as you are at my side. After we agreed to try a relationship and you left for you vacation with Ram and Cal I was struck by the urge to get me a guitar and sing you a song. I want to share my love for music with you instead of stomping it down. Long story short, Vince and I drove to Princeton and bought me a new guitar and him some new strings. On the second day Zip joined us with his tambourine and bass drum and before we knew it we had suddenly produced a song with the help of one of Hector's cousins who works for a record label in New York. We worked for three days and nights with little sleep to get it done. It was mind-blowing crazy and at the same time so much fun, every step of the way. I loved doing it and I can't wait for you to hear the result."

Steph saw the excitement dancing in Hal's icy blue eyes and pressed a scorching kiss on his lips. "You could croak like a toad and I'd love your song for me. May I?" She took the CD from his hand and nodded toward the stereo system.

Smiling, Hal helped her up and watched her walk over and turn the stereo on. She was so beautiful and the way she bent over and showed her backside to him made his throat go dry. His nether regions may not appreciate the view; but his brain was working just right. Grabbing the remote, Steph came back, snuggled into his side and pressed play. A lone guitar started playing a beautiful melody that touched Steph's heart even before Hal's husky male voice caused a tingle to course through her body.

Your mouth is a revolver firing bullets in the sky  
Your love is like a soldier, loyal till you die

The deep beat of a bass drum started in the background.

And I've been looking at the stars for a long, long time  
I've been putting out fires all my life  
Everybody wants a flame, but they don't want to get burnt  
And today is our turn

Suddenly Hal got company and the living room filled with Vince's voice and guitar right in the background.

Days like these lead to  
Nights like this lead to  
Love like ours  
You light the spark in my bonfire heart

And to make the trio complete, Zip stepped in with his voice and tambourine pushing the pulse of the song even more in addition to the bass drum.

People like us, we don't need that much  
Just someone that starts, starts the spark in our bonfire hearts

This world is getting colder, strangers passing by  
No one offers you a shoulder; no one looks you in the eye  
But I've been looking at you for a long, long time  
Just trying to break through, trying to make you mine  
Everybody wants a flame; they don't want to get burnt  
Well today is our turn

Days like these lead to  
Nights like this lead to  
Love like ours  
You light the spark in my bonfire heart

People like us, we don't need that much  
Just someone that starts, starts the spark in our bonfire hearts

Days like these lead to  
Nights like this lead to  
Love like ours  
You light the spark in my bonfire heart

People like us, we don't need that much  
Just someone that starts, starts the spark in our bonfire hearts

Days like these lead to  
Nights like this lead to  
Love like ours  
You light the spark in my bonfire heart

People like us, we don't need that much  
Just someone that starts, starts the spark in our bonfire hearts

The last notes faded away and Steph turned her head up to find Hal watching her with love pouring out of his eyes.

"Hal," she sniffed, wiping at the unshed tears blurring her sight. "That was amazing. Simply amazing."

She pulled herself onto his lap and found his lips, letting the tip of her tongue explore the seam. When Hal opened his mouth, she swept inside and moaned at his taste. The backside of his front teeth, the roof of his mouth, the strong muscle that was his tongue, nothing was safe from her sweet assault. Once she was back to nipping at his lower lip, her breathing started to slow down and her thoughts returned. Finally, she pulled back just enough to lock eyes with him.

"Promise me that you will never give up something that makes you happy on my behalf. Remember the engraving on the guy's watches… Love is not about confining someone but about letting them grow and fly. I want you to fly, to do everything your heart desires."

Hal caressed her face and gazed in the bottomless depth of her electric blue eyes. Every single emotion, every insecurity, every question and doubt were lying open for him to see. The trust Steph had in him humbled Hal. He wanted to prove himself to her, he wanted to show her that he could outgrow his own insecurities. Letting his hand glide to the nape of her neck, he pulled Steph toward him, successfully closing the distance between them. Their kiss was sweet, unhurried, and it spoke of the love and respect they felt for each other.

"Now go and play the song for Ram and Cal," he smiled at her. "I can feel you literally bursting with excitement." Steph jumped from the couch, rushed to the stereo and was on her way to the kitchen, before Hal even managed to straighten up. Chuckling, he shook his head and started to collect the shredded wrapping paper lying on the couch and the floor. No need for him to stumble or slip when he followed her.

~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~

**_Several hours later in the middle of the night…_**

The small house at the end of the Cul-de-Sac lay dark and fast asleep in its wintery bedding. No light was on, no sound could be heard aside from the calming ticking of the grandfather clock. The once bulky logs in the stove were long burnt out and chill was spreading from the first floor upstairs to the bedrooms. Cal and Ram lay spooned in their marital bed, peacefully piling up the zeds, while opposite of them on the other side of the floor Hal was wide awake, holding Steph in his arms. His woman. That thought didn't leave him alone. She was his woman. He had no clue how he managed it; but the sexiest woman of Trenton, the one woman nearly every Rangemen was lusting after, loved him and wanted to be his girl. Sighing happily he pulled Steph's sleeping form closer into his side, marveling at the possessive feelings surging through him as he felt her snuggle her head even deeper into his chest. She was his and he'd kill anyone questioning that… not that he knew exactly how to put that into practice; but he would… somehow.

Relaxing into his pillow, he smirked as pictures of him threatening the guys at work ran through his head. Fucking A. He'd made them fear him. In his arms, Steph mumbled in her sleep and he pulled the duvet higher up her shoulders so she wouldn't be cold. This day was one of the best in his life. Not because of some unbelievable event that topped anything that had ever happened before. No, this day was so heart-warming perfect because of the people he spent it with. He discovered a depth and sincereness in Ram and Cal that he'd never expected from them and knew they'd become close friends. The Christmas they celebrated together was wonderful peaceful without arguments and accusations as he knew them. They had a modest dinner consisting of turkey with a fruity stuffing, mashed potatoes, red cabbage and cranberry sauce. Talking was easy, the laughter was loud and everybody was relaxed, enjoying themselves. It was perfect. Next year, Jerry would hopefully be with him. Then they could all celebrate together. Maybe here; but maybe Steph and he would live in their own small house by then. Who knew? The thought of them sharing their own house, Jerry living with them, brought a silent tear to Hal's eye. He knew he had to take things slow with Steph; but that was what he wanted for them; a home and a family…


	20. The Price

**_Disclaimer: All the characters you recognize from the Stephanie Plum books belong to Janet Evanovich._**

**_A/N: This story isn't beta'ed. Any grammar faults or spelling errors are not to be considered flaws or defects but enhance the individual beauty : )_**

**_I hope you enjoyed the peace and joy of the last few chapters because now it's time for some angst again (evil grin)_**

* * *

**Chapter 20 - The Price**

**Five weeks later, end of January**

Without a sound, Hal rolled into the bedroom and smiled at Steph's sleeping form in their bed. Her head rested on the pillow amid a wild halo of brown curls, a slight smile tugged at her delectable lips and her gorgeous eyes rapidly fluttered under their lids indicating she was in the throes of a captivating dream. It was noon and although Steph wanted to accompany him to his therapy appointment, Hal didn't have the heart to wake her. Steph had staggered bleary-eyed into the bedroom at eight this morning after working the monitors overnight as a favor for Tank who was short-staffed due to the flu sweeping through Rangeman. When Hal rolled out of the bathroom, he silently watched as she shrugged off her clothes on the way to the bed, grabbed the still warm shirt he'd discarded before his shower and fell onto the bed drifting to sleep the moment her head hit the pillow.

Watching her now comfortably snuggled in** their** bed, Hal's heart expanded with joy and happiness. He was well aware that her decision to unofficially move in with him was a declaration of her love and trust more so than any actual words could convey. They hadn't spent a single night apart since she returned from her vacation with Ram and Cal. In the beginning, Hal tried staying with Steph at her apartment; but her place was just too cramped for a wheelchair to navigate safely. Out of the blue one day she unceremoniously announced that she would be staying with him at Rangeman. Not once during her stay had she expressed the wish to go back to her apartment; instead she seemed to feel completely comfortable sharing Hal's living space. Tonight he would ask her to terminate the lease of her apartment and officially move in with him; but first he had to go see his therapist.

Rolling backwards out of the bedroom, Hal quietly closed the door and rolled over to the coat rack in the hall. During the renovations someone had the forethought to eliminate the closet and replace it with a modular mudroom. Hooks were mounted at the perfect height for Hal to reach his coats while in his wheelchair. His backpack rested atop the padded bench that ran below the hooks while the sheepskin rug and lap blankets were tucked away in the adjoining chest of drawers. All the scarfs, hats, gloves and other smaller items lay hidden away in a secret compartment below the bench seat. Finishing off the design was a blackboard anchored to the wall directly above the chest. Hal took a piece of chalk and wrote,

_My Angel, you were so fast asleep I didn't want to wake you. I'll drive to my appointment on my own. It's time I start standing on my own feet. Love ya, we'll see us when I'm back. _

Satisfied after a quick backpack check, Hal buckled it in place on the back of his chair. He lifted the bench seat and sifted through until he found the items he desired. Stretching over to the drawers, Hal pulled out the sheepskin rug. He fastened it to the seat of his wheelchair before getting comfortable. Next he donned his winter coat, scarf and knitted wool hat. Last he took the thickest of his lap blankets from the drawer and tied it to the wheelchair so it wouldn't slip. A glance at his wristwatch told him it was time to get moving. He pulled on his gloves and rolled out of the apartment toward the elevator.

His psychotherapist suggested they no longer meet at Rangeman but at his office downtown. He reasoned that Hal needed to become less dependent on the people around him and more reliant on himself. In addition, it was also recommended that Hal travel outside the building for his twice a week PT appointments. Up until today Vince, Ram, Cal or Steph accompanied him to his appointments assisting Hal to traverse through the bus and subway terminals. Now here he was today tackling the voyage to Trenton's city center on his own for the very first time. Today he would manage the complex journey by his own merit. Hal nodded to himself, it was time he lost his babysitters.

"Hey man, where's Steph?" Zero greeted Hal when he left the elevator on the first floor.

"Recuperating from working twenty-four hours nonstop."

"This flu epidemic just sucks," Zero cussed as he came around the front desk. There were several steps to master from the entrance door to the sidewalk and Hal needed help to get safely down to the street. When they made it onto the sidewalk, Zero fisted his hands under his arms against the chill and looked up at the dull sky, "Are you sure you don't want one of us to drive you?"

An icy gust ripped down Haywood biting the noses, cheeks and ears of the two men. "Nah, I'll be fine. Tank needs everyone on deck and I want Steph to sleep. See you later, man," Hal tighten the scarf wrapped around his neck, pulled the knitted wool hat down a few more millimeters and adjusted his gloves. He nodded to Zero and started rolling down the street towards the bus stop. The temperature was in the low forties and the sidewalk lay covered with sandy, salty slush. Lowering his head against the icy wind, Hal bunched up the muscles in his arms and forcefully pushed his wheelchair to its destination.

Upstairs on five Cal drooped sullenly in front of the monitors wearily breathing through his still stuffed nose as he watched Hal working his way down Haywood. Furrowing his brows, Cal grabbed the phone and dialed. On the monitor he saw Hal stop, discard one of his gloves and reach inside his coat.

"Why are you alone? Where is Steph?" He questioned in a raspy, edgy voice as soon as he heard Hal picking up. Perhaps he should have said hello, perhaps he should have sounded a bit friendlier or perhaps he shouldn't have called at all; but he was worried for his friend out alone on such a bitter cold day.

An irritated growl came through the receiver. "What's wrong with you all? Why the fuck can't I be out and about on my own? Why is everybody getting into my business? I don't answer to anyone, dammit. I am a grown man. I'm gonna miss my bus now because of you." Cal rubbed his forehead in frustration. "Sorry, Hal. I just wanted to make sure you were . . ." he stared disbelieving at the phone in his hand. "Shit, the dude hung up on me." Hector turned his head toward Cal and raised an eyebrow. "Hal! One of these days, I swear, I'm gonna shake some sense into him," Cal growled, already feeling bad for the way he began the call.

Cal was sure Hal's irritation stemmed from a sense of insecurity and possibly from theorizing that his friends lacked confidence in him to deal with stuff on his own. Cal sympathized with Hal. His friends didn't lack faith in his abilities; rather they all worried he could fail and because of the fragile state of his self-assurance, he'd drop into another bout of depression. Ever since Christmas, Hal's great mood set a tone for the whole building and everyone seemed to smile. He and Steph never came out as saying they were a couple; but she spent every night with him. The men and Ella could see how much they adored each other. No one wanted Hal to have a setback thus the constant vigilance. On the monitors in front of him, Cal watched Hal getting on the bus that would take him to the subway station.

~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~

Hal arduously maneuvered his wheelchair onto the already overcrowded bus and locked the brakes. As the bus pulled away from the curb, a familiar heat began to rise from the pit of his stomach. Hal labored to steady his breathing in an effort to quell the sensation before it had a chance to overtake him. He pulled off his gloves unveiling clammy hands and his vision blurred all the while rivulets of sweat ran in torrents down his back. The people around him stood swarming body to body; the air congested with the stench of sweat, alcohol, garlic and other offensive smells.

Hal flexed his hands again and again trying to recall the five pointers in case of a panic attack that he and his therapist had worked out. He had the information all written out on a card in his backpack; but was too paralyzed to get it. "Reality check! Do a reality check," a voice inside his head screamed at him. Hal looked around attempting to remind himself where he was and what was happening; but all he saw were the behinds and crotches of the people around him. He hated that. Sometimes it was downright disgusting; but most of all, it felt degrading always having people's butts in your face. The bus came to a stop with a jerk, the doors opened and a gust of fresh cold air hit Hal's face. Taking a deep breath he concentrated.

It was Thursday, getting close to one PM and he was currently riding a bus on his way to his therapist. He felt cramped, trapped between the bodies around him; but nothing could happen to him he repeated in his mind over and over again. There was no need to freak. The blurry sight, the heat, the sweating, the drumming in his ears and chest were from the panic speaking, not the reality. Look at the people around you, he told himself, and then listen inside yourself. Do this again and again and remind yourself of reality versus fear. Taking another deep breath, Hal followed his own advice and felt himself slowly calming down.

When the bus stopped at the subway station, Hal got off and cussed at the people pushing him around. He needed to wait for the bus driver to lower the ramp and those ignorant idiots around him had nothing else to do than to bitch and push past him, shoving if not their bodies then their purses or backpacks into his face. Being outside in the cold air subdued the anxiety and he slowly rolled to the elevator that would bring him down to the tracks. One public transport down and one more to go. The train ride was less tense because fewer people filled the train car; but Hal nonetheless glanced cautiously right to left, scanning his surroundings for any threat. He felt exposed, helpless, and wished he'd taken Steph or one of the guys with him.

~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~

"Hal," the therapist greeted him with a warm smile when he opened the door. "I see you have no company today. Did someone bring you or did you come alone?" He asked once Hal had gotten comfortable in the visitor armchair.

"Came alone," Hal shrugged nonchalant and then fell silent.

The therapist already knew the routine. Hal was a hard nut to crack and it always took him some time to get comfortable in their conversations.

"You are shrugging, Hal," he prodded him a little. "Was the journey easy?"

"No, not really," Hal squirmed in his seat.

"Tell me about it."

Hal had trouble figuring out how to start because he didn't want to admit just how much of a wimp he was. Kneading his fingers in his lap he finally began to speak with a small voice. "I was so fucking scared. I didn't feel like that when one of my friends or Steph came with me. I knew they were armed, and knew they'd be able to take care of me should shit hit the fan. The moment I started down Haywood toward the bus stop I felt exposed and fearful. Everywhere I felt eyes on me, heard alarming noises."

"Did you stop and take the time for a reality check?"

Wordlessly, Hal shook his head no. "You don't understand how I felt," he bit out. "I was so fucking scared. All I could think about was getting on that bus and being safe for the time being."

"Why did you feel you'd be safe on the bus?"

Hal narrowed his eyes at the therapist sitting across from him. "Well, I guess I expect the bus driver to save my sorry excuse of an ass if someone attacked me."

"There's no need to get angry with me, Hal. Remember, I'm on your side every step of the way."

Hal took a deep breath and apologized.

"Did you feel safe once you got on the bus?"

Hal's meek 'No' caused the therapist to take some notes.

"What happened?"

"I had a panic attack. Heat was rising in me. There was a drumming in my ears and chest. I was sweating like a pig and all I could think of was getting off the bus. I tried to recall the pointers we wrote down in case something like that happened; but I was so paralyzed. Finally I remembered some of the tips we talked about and repeated them like a mantra. It slowly got better."

"But that's great, Hal. You didn't let yourself get swept away by your fear but worked through it instead. That's a great accomplishment. Do you have any idea what's behind this anxiety you feel? It hits you every time you leave the Rangeman building so what is outside that is scaring you so much?"

For the longest time, Hal looked down at the hands in his lap and tried to get a handle on the jumble of thoughts running rampart in his head. "I'm afraid someone could assault me, stab me, shoot me, and there's nothing I can do to protect myself or the people around me. I was a SEAL, I'm trained to save people's lives, to rid the world from scum. Now, I'm useless and depend on others to protect me. When I'm with Steph or the guys I feel safe. As soon as I'm on my own it's as though there's a bull's-eye pinned to my head and I can't get rid of that feeling. At any moment I expect the impact of a bullet to kill me."

~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~

Half an hour later, Hal pushed through the door leading onto the sidewalk and let the cold air fill his lungs and sinuses. The temperature had dropped remarkably and he hunched down in the seat of his wheelchair, giving the chill as little contact surface as possible. His knitted wool hat sat low on his brow and the scarf covered his mouth as he started to push his wheels toward the subway station. Something felt wrong. Danger was looming, a mortal threat. Hal tried to ignore the panic rising in him, stared ahead and rushed as fast as his arms allowed. He felt the bull's-eye again, marking his head for anyone with a gun. Hal's heart was dashing madly in his chest and his breathing constricted as he suddenly saw them ahead of him.

A bunch of kids, sixteen to eighteen he'd guess, wore black baggy pants, oversized black jackets and had blue bandanas wrapped around their heads. Everything about them screamed trouble and Hal felt his intestines clench. Frantically looking around, he wondered what the fuck he could do. There were hardly any passersby, no cross walks nearby and he was too slow to cross the street without them. Hal felt his eyes widen as he breathed hard and tried to lock down the panic in him. Looking up he saw the group watching him. Suddenly one of them, the leader, motioned his head and all six started toward him. Fuck! Fuckfuckfuck! Pulling his wheels around, Hal started to roll back toward the therapist's office. If he could get into the building, he'd be safe. He managed to keep the chair straight and moving with one hand while the other pulled his coat open, grabbed the leather cord around his neck, ripped it free from under his shirt and sweater, and pushed the panic button that connected to Bobby and Vince. Vince was knocked out cold with the flu; but hopefully Bobby would hear his call for help.

With a brutal jerk from behind the wheelchair came to a sudden stop and Hal catapulted out of the seat into the sandy, salty slush of the sidewalk hitting his head hard on the curbstone.

"Look what we got us here, bros," a voice sneered at Hal lying on the ground with blood trickling out of a gash at his head. "A cripple running away from us. Oh wait," Hal saw his legs skidding forward after being kicked forcefully. "He can't run. I think we gonna have some fun with this one," the voice got malicious right before Hal felt a boot connecting with his spine.

~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~

"Hal? It's me, Bobby. Where are you?" Bobby's voice sounded exhausted as he stepped into Hal's apartment. Since three weeks the flu had an iron grip on the company and he barely slept with everything that was going on. "Hal?" He called out while stepping into the bedroom.

"Aaaaaaaaargh," Steph shrieked and scrambled not to fall off the bed. "Bobby, what the hell are you doing here?" She let herself fall back onto the mattress and put her hand over her racing heart.

"Sorry, Steph," Bobby stared at her wide-eyed before averting his eyes to the floor with a blush under his chocolate brown skin. "I didn't mean to disrespect your privacy. Hal pushed his panic-button and I just wanted to check in on him."

Confused, Steph looked around until her eyes found the alarm clock. Shit! It was a quarter past two PM. Hal didn't wake her like he promised. Jumping out of bed, she ignored Bobby standing in the middle of the room as she ran around in panties and Hal's shirt. A quick check of the bathroom showed that it was empty. With a lump in her throat, Steph ran to the blackboard in the hall. What she read there made her heart stumble and stutter before getting back into pace.

"Call the com-room. They need to locate the tracker in Hal's panic button. Then grab your medic bag. He's out there alone. Something must have happened. I'll meet you upstairs." Steph's commands were sharp and precise and Bobby nearly saluted before running out of the apartment, his cell at his ear.

Steph's spidy sense was screaming as she threw on last night's clothes over Hal's shirt and tied her boots. Ripping her gun from the holster in her purse and pushing it in the waistband of her cargoes, her mind went a mile per minute. Why did he leave without her? It's too dangerous out there for him alone. Every protective instinct Steph had in her was out in the open, surging through her body, rushing her on. Two minutes after Bobby left, she raced out of the apartment and up to five where Cal waved her to the monitors.

"Binkie and Brett were within five minutes of him. They should arrive any moment. Lester and Tank are on their way over, ETA ten minutes. Zero's waiting for you in the garage," he gave her a quick report before hugging her fiercely. "Get him back to us in one piece."

Steph nodded and was just about to turn around when two alarms went off at the monitor showing each Rangeman tracker.

"Those are Binkie and Brett's panic buttons," Cal shouted, already calling Tank's number. "Quick! Hurry, Sweetie."

Steph was already on the move, gripping Bobby by his coat, and together they raced down the stairwell to find Zero waiting in an Escalade, motor running. They made it downtown in record time and Steph's boots hit the icy street running before the SUV even came to a stop.

"Hal?" Steph shouted, dodging policemen and cars. A bunch of EMTs and emergency workers caught her attention and she raced over to them. "Hal, I'm here," she fell down on her knees next to his limp body.

Hal lay on his side, his head stabilized by an EMT Steph knew by sight, while the other emergency workers held his body still until one of them could sort out his legs. Once Hal's legs were straightened out, a backboard appeared and the men and women around him turned him inch for inch onto the board without jarring his spine. A cervical collar was cautiously fastened around his neck and Steph got finally the chance to see Hal's blood caked face.

"Baby, I'm here. Do you hear me?" At the sound of her voice, Hal's eyes fluttered and finally opened.

The sight scared Steph. The normally icy blue was barely visible because of the enlarged black pupils, their gaze glassy and unfocused.

"Steph?" Hal's voice was barely a whisper.

"I'm here, Baby, don't be scared. The docs will put you back together."

"I can't feel my arms and body," Hal slurred. "I can't feel them, Steph. I feel nothing." Big, fat tears started to roll down his temples.

Steph's breathing constricted and she felt like she was suffocating. "It's going to be okay, Baby," she wiped at the tears still forming in his eyes. "Let's get you out of here and to Philly. They'll see what the damage is and will do their best to repair it."

"But what if they can't?" Hal's voice was barely understandable, his consciousness slipping away.

Steph let her own tears fall while wiping at his. "Then we'll deal with the consequences," she sniffed. "Nothing can separate us. Nothing! I love you, Baby," she pressed a whisper soft kiss on his lips.

As she lifted her head, Hal's eyes were shut and the monitor attached to him started to beep erratically in alarm.


	21. In Pain And Happy

**_Disclaimer: All the characters you recognize from the Stephanie Plum books belong to Janet Evanovich._**

**_A/N: This story isn't beta'ed. Any grammar faults or spelling errors are not to be considered flaws or defects but enhance the individual beauty : )_**

**_Geez ... I didn't expect you to be THAT mad at me :) On the other hand your reactions show me that the story really enchains you and that conjures a BIG smile on my face. Remember: a true growing needs setbacks at times..._**

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**Chapter 21 - In Pain And Happy**

**At the scene of the assault**

The swooshing in Steph's ears became deafening as she stumbled backwards and helplessly had to watch the EMTs hectically work on her unconscious man. An ET tube was pushed down Hal's throat and someone started to ventilate him. Commands were shouted to and fro; his oxygen levels were alarming low and falling, his lungs appeared to be collapsed and unresponsive, and his heart tachycardic. There was no doubt the severity of the situation as one of the EMTs inserted two chest tubes between the ribs and attached them to suction devices. Just as the world started to keel over, Steph felt strong arms encircling her and Bobby's face appeared in her sight. His mouth was moving; but she couldn't hear him. Turning her head in a daze, she saw Les standing behind her, holding her.

"Steph," Bobby smacked her cheek gently, trying to get her to focus on him. "Steph, you need to keep it together; for Hal."

Taking some deep breaths, Steph grabbed Les' arms and steadied herself, already feeling the fog in her mind recede. Looking around Bobby's shoulder she saw an EMT inserting something in Hal's I/V, watching the monitor, while the other kept ventilating him.

"Look at me," she felt her head being turned around by Bobby's hand and focused on him. "Before Hal passed out he told the EMT that he had no feelings below his chin. I know this must break your heart; but there's the risk of another spinal injury. In addition both his lungs collapsed and they need to get him to a level one trauma unit asap. Philly's too far away, even with the MedEvac, so the chopper will bring him to Princeton. Lester and I will accompany you. We'll take an SUV as soon as the chopper is in the air. Do you understand?"

Steph nodded and felt herself being pulled into Bobby's arms.

"Whatever happens, Bomber, I'm by your side every step of the way," he spoke in her ear and held her tight. If it hadn't been for his yearlong training in the army, he would have freaked right beside her. Hal, who had become a true brother, could well come out on the other side of this afternoon as quadriplegic, leaving him unable to move below his chin. All because he wanted to prove his independence. As it was, Bobby's body and mind functioned on auto-pilot, his injured friend and the woman in his arms the only thing of importance right now. The telltale motor drone of an approaching chopper made him squeeze Steph a last time before giving her over into Lester's capable arms.

"I'll make sure everything's fine while they move Hal to the chopper," he cupped Steph's face. "Stay with Les, I'll meet you at the car."

Steph nodded and Bobby bumped fists with his friend before rushing off toward Hal and the EMTs.

~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~

**_University Medical Center of Princeton…_**

Tank entered the waiting area and was greeted by a sea of black. Well, perhaps not a sea; but every Rangeman healthy was present leaving Trenton in the hands of contract workers. He didn't feel good about that; but he couldn't tell his men to stay at work when one of their colleagues was victim of an assault and severely injured. Looking around, he saw Lester standing with Junior and Zero and walked over to them.

"Report," he greeted the men with a nod.

"No word so far," Lester answered him. "Bobby just stuck his head out for a second to tell us that both lungs are pierced and collapsed and they'd go in to repair the damage. That was four hours ago."

Tank cussed and rubbed his hands over his bald head and face.

"What about Binkie?" Lester asked.

"Arrested by Big Dog and Costanza for assault with excessive force. I sent our lawyer to the TPD to bail him out."

"Shit, he went totally berserk on that kid. I tried to restrain him; but he was like pure rage unleashed."

"There wasn't anything you could do. They brought the kid to St. Francis. Costanza will call me when they have word whether he'll survive."

Les cussed, pushed his hands in the pockets of his cargoes and stared at the floor. He couldn't believe that Binkie had totally lost it. If the kid died… He didn't want to think about it.

"How is Steph holding up?"

Tank's question brought him out of his musing. "She's amazing," he answered, finding the big man's eyes. "It's as though there's a different Steph sitting in front of us from the one we know. No trip to denial land, no uncalled stubbornness, no sleep. There's nothing weak about her. She's in full control of herself, worried; but keeps a cool head. Absolutely professional."

"She's amazing every one of us," Junior nodded in agreement.

Tank smiled, lifted his chin in goodbye and ventured over to where Steph was sitting next to Cal.

"Hey little girl," he smiled down at her and opened his arms. Steph immediately straightened up and stepped into his embrace.

"Hey big guy," she greeted him and squeezed his middle before taking a step back again. "Thanks for letting all the guys be here and thanks for coming yourself," she looked up into his eyes and Tank could see what Lester had told him just a moment before. There was a resolve and serenity in Steph's baby blues that he'd never seen there before.

"I couldn't have stopped the men from coming if I'd wanted to. They are here as support for you and Hal and so am I. Don't worry about Trenton or anything else."

"Good," Steph nodded. "Not much room in my head to worry about anything besides Hal."

Just as Tank wanted to say something the doors behind them opened and Bobby stepped out still in scrubs. There was a moist gleam in his eyes as he ignored everyone else and hurriedly walked over to Steph, pulled her into a fierce hug and twirled her around before whispering in her ear, "He will live, Steph, and there's no additional spinal injury. In a few weeks he'll be his old self."

Bobby was surprised by the force with which Steph hugged him back, hanging onto his neck. "Thank you, Bobby," she said quietly. "Thank you for personally making sure that he got the best treatment possible."

Half an hour later, Steph sat next to Hal's bed in the ICU and caressed his hand, stroking each finger, entwining their hands. He looked pale and the beeping monitors attached to him as well as the ventilator pushing air into his lungs were intimidating; but he'd be okay. That was all that mattered. The doctors had decided to keep him severely sedated for the next 48 hours to give his body a head-start in healing. No problem. She wouldn't leave his side.

"Steph?" Bobby stepped through the door and closed it quietly. "How is our patient doing?" He walked over to Hal's bed and checked the monitors.

"I think he's okay," Steph smiled as she stroked Hal's cheek with her fingertips. "As you said, he'll be his old self in a few weeks."

"Listen, Steph," Bobby pulled a chair over to her. "I have to go back to Trenton to look after the sick guys; but I'll be back in a couple hours to stay overnight with you. I just checked in with the doctor and they don't expect any complications with Hal. His blood pressure and heart rate are stable, his oxygen concentration sats are good. Are you okay with being alone for the time being?"

Steph smiled at him and nodded. "Go Bobby, I'm fine. I have my gun right here," she patted the cargoes' waistband at her back, "and I suggest nobody comes between me and my man or I'll have to let out the lioness in me."

That comment made Bobby smile. Steph had changed tremendously over the last few months and it filled his heart with pride to see her so strong and confident. "I'm proud of you, Bomber; unbelievably proud of you. I know for sure that the way you handled this day has blown a lot of the guys out of their socks." He leaned over, pressed a loving kiss on her cheek and stood up to leave. "I'll bring you something to eat when I come back along with a couple snuggly blankets."

~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~

The third day in Princeton, Hal was finally ready to wake up and open his eyes. The night before, the doctors removed the ventilator and now, with a wonderful wintry sun shining through the window into his room, his eyelids fluttered and he finally blinked against the sunlight flooding the space.

"Hey Baby," Steph moved from the chair onto the bed and smiled down at him. Her hand found his face and brushed over his brow, down his temple and then his cheeks. "I'm glad to see your icy blues again. There was just something missing between all those brown, grey and hazel eyes from the guys."

Hal opened his mouth and closed it again, swallowing dry.

"Water?" Steph watched his face and leaned over to the little bed side table when he nodded. Lifting his head and supporting it with her hand, she guided the Styrofoam cup to his lips and let him sip at the water. "Better?" She asked when he placed his head back onto the pillow.

"Yes, much," Hal's voice was tired and croaky.

Looking into his eyes, Steph let all the love she was feeling pour into her gaze. There was no need to talk; their look conveyed all that needed to be said. Suddenly, Hal frowned.

"What's up, Baby?"

"I'm in pain," he smiled at her. "My chest and my breathing aches," his smile grew even bigger.

"You have a grade three concussion, some cuts, a ton of bruises plus a few broken ribs that punctured your lungs and caused them to collapse. They needed to do surgery or you would have died," Steph watched him while caressing his face. "Do you want me to call the nurse for more pain killer?"

"No," Hal smiling closed his eyes and Steph saw him taking some extra deep breaths. "Let me enjoy the pain a little longer."

That caused her to involuntarily chuckle. "You're giving information to the enemy, Baby," she leaned forward and pressed a tender kiss on his lips. They were silent for a while. Hal with his eyes closed, just breathing and relishing the moment; Steph looking at him with love in her eyes while rubbing soft circles on the back of their joined hands.

"I remember lying on the frozen ground and thinking I'd never be able to move again," Hal finally whispered in the silence. "I was so scared."

"I know baby. The doctors say your brain sent your body into shock when they started kicking you. That was the reason why you didn't feel anything."

"I guess you won't let me out alone anytime soon, huh?" Hal opened his eyes and looked directly into Steph's, searching for the truth in them.

Steph lifted their joined hands and leaned her cheek into his warm palm. "I'll be the first to admit that the thought of you out there alone scares me shitless; but I also want you to be independent; to be free and fly," she pressed a kiss into his palm, then on the pad of each finger. "We'll find a way, together."

Hal thought about her words and realized that that was all she'd ever wanted from the other men in her life; that they supported her yearning for independence. Now, she was pledging to give the same to him even if that meant facing her own fears. His Angel, she had become so strong thanks to Ram and Cal and, perhaps, also a little because of him and their love.

"I thought you'd pull away from me after this," Steph's quiet voice brought him out of his musings. "I was sure you'd withdraw from me, convinced that the events were the final proof that you aren't worth it."

Hal turned his head to the side and found her eyes moist with unshed tears. "Never, Angel. I love you more than my own life. I'm past the point of pushing you away. You are stuck with me."

Hearing that caused Steph's face to light up with the most beautiful smile. She wiped at her eyes, kicked of her shoes and cautiously stretched out next to him, nuzzling his cheek and ear. "I wouldn't want it any other way."

~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~

After the doctor had checked him out and was satisfied with what he found, the nurse finally convinced Hal to take some pain medication. The drug immediately pulled him under and soon he was fast asleep while they moved him from the ICU to a private room. It pointed southward and again the sun gave the place a homey feeling. A little after lunch, Bobby stepped into the room with a Styrofoam box in his hands.

"With the best wishes from Cal," he smiled and took in her condition. "You need to get a good night's sleep, Bomber. You look positively exhausted."

"I know. I feel like shit, too; but I can sleep when I'm dead," Steph answered with a shrug and took a seat on the small couch in the room to eat the yumminess Cal had cooked for her.

"Let me check you out," Bobby came over and sat down next to her. He felt her brow, it was a little warm. Her eyes were dry and blood-shot. "Any sign of the flu? Headache? Stuffed nose? Coughing?" He pulled the stethoscope from under his Rangeman hoodie. "Breathe for me; in through the nose, out through the mouth."

Steph did as told before studiously returning to her lunch.

"Bomber, you need to take better care of yourself. I want you to go back to Rangeman and do nothing but sleep and eat for 24 hours. Don't make me call Cal to get you."

Steph lifted her eyes from her plate and regarded Bobby for a minute. "I won't leave him, Bobby. Period."

"You will," came a croaky voice from the bed.

Steph put the box with the plate to the side and stood up to walk over to Hal.

"Baby…,"

"No," he croaked causing Steph to fill a new cup with water, lift his head and help him to drink. "It's okay, Angel," Hal continued once he lay back on the pillow. "I want you to go back to Rangeman. You need rest. I bet you haven't left my side since I came here?" Steph shook her head as answer. "Then do me the favor and go home. I'll be fine until you come back tomorrow. Perhaps I will be ready to eat something then and we can have lunch together. Please, love, for me."

Steph sighed and finally nodded her head. How was she supposed to say no to him. That wasn't possible. Pressing a kiss on Hal's forehead she went back to the sofa and resumed her meal while listening to Bobby calling Cal and informing him that he was sending her back and she'd need some TLC and sleep.


	22. The Bombshell Strikes Again

**_Disclaimer: All the characters you recognize from the Stephanie Plum books belong to Janet Evanovich._**

**_A/N: This story isn't beta'ed. Any grammar faults or spelling errors are not to be considered flaws or defects but enhance the individual beauty : )_**

**_I have trouble accessing my review-page so a heartfelt thank you to everybody who sent me a feedback for the last two chapters. I loved them all :)_**

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**Chapter 22 – The Bombshell Strikes Again  
**

**A week later, Rangeman conference room, fifth floor**

"And you think that will work out?" Junior sounded doubtful as he stared at the map of Trenton in front of him.

"I can't give you a guarantee; but let's face it. You've tried to get this guy for two weeks. Most of the time you had no clue where he was and the one time you found him by chance he managed to dodge you. Tank is pissed. The bond expires tonight so why not try it the Plum-way?" Steph smiled at him.

On a bulletin board pinned Trenton's city map and several pins showed the crimes committed by one Alfonso Garret, a sly cunning fox, able to disappear in the crowd like no one else. He had no permanent residence, no work, no friends, and was charged with multiple thefts and assaults with a deadly weapon; bond $750,000. The procedure was always the same. He hit different ATM's around town, waited for a nicely dressed business man to approach and then assaulted him and stole his cash.

"The pins show the places he struck. If we assume a comfort zone of three miles with the crime scene being on the utmost edge," Steph pointed to the circles she had drawn around the single pins, "we have an intersection right here in the Tafft projects," her index finger indicated the area. "I'd say that's where he is hiding. It's a slum quarter with many rundown houses; we are talking about an area of four streets. Grab some of the guys, pack some wads of money and canvas the territory. You have nothing to lose."

Brett and Junior looked first at the map then at Steph and were about to say something when the door to the conference room opened forcefully and an irritated Tank filled the doorframe.

"What are you doing here," he nailed Brett and Junior with a deadpan stare. "You are supposed to be out in the field searching for Garret. Do I have to remind you that his bond expires tonight?" Tank growled.

"Sir, we are about to leave," Junior spoke up, bravely taking a step toward Tank. "We asked Steph for her opinion and she worked out a modus operandi for us."

"Tell me," Tank's words were hard, his face blank.

After Steph finished her explanation and reasoning, the shortest emotion flared in Tank's eyes; but it was gone before she could get a read on it.

"Take Lester and Zero with you," he commanded. "And don't you dare come back without Garret."

Junior grabbed the file from the table and Brett took a picture with his cell of the street-map with Steph's markings and off they went, leaving her behind with a tangibly softening Tank.

"That's an incredible work, Steph," he planted himself on the table in front of the map and nodded toward it. "How did you come up with that?"

"Promise me you won't laugh," she blushed and bit her lip, her former confidence gone in front of the acting CEO.

"None of that, Steph," Tank pulled her lip out between her teeth. "The door wasn't completely closed and I could hear you talking with the guys. I want that confident Stephanie standing in front of me and telling me straight in the eyes how she came up with this incredible plan," he smiled at her before giving her chin a nudge.

Steph took a deep breath, squared her shoulders and looked up into Tank's deep brown eyes. Her voice was hesitant in the beginning; but soon became strong and confident when she plunged into the story.

"Hal is interested in profiling and we've been talking about it a lot. He gets those scientific journals with articles regarding all the different kinds of profiling and criminal psychology. I decided to read a few of them and got myself hooked. One of the more interesting papers was about geographical profiling and about comfort zones and intersections. Junior asked me to go through Garret's file and after doing an additional search, I still came up with nothing. Then I remembered the article and decided it was worth trying. It didn't take me long and it was better than losing the money. It just so happened, it paid off."

"Good Job, Little Girl. Never look down when you talk to me or anybody else, always find their eyes and show them what a great and smart person you are," Tank nodded approvingly. "Just to make myself clear, I expect you to write down the overtime you worked on this project. I won't accept you helping the company without getting paid for it." After that he looked at her for a long moment. "I wasn't aware you were interested in criminal psychology. You know that Rangeman pays the tuition for its employees when they study something worthwhile for the company?"

"Yes, Ranger mentioned it once and before you ask, I don't know what I want to do in the future. Everything is so stressful at the moment. I'm in the process of defining the new me; Hal is in Princeton struggling with his own troubles. I just can't make any life-changing decisions at the moment."

"Duly noted, Steph. You know where my office is in case you change your mind," he smiled at her. "Now, the reason I originally came here. We have another high bond that expires tonight and I'd like to ask you to run a distraction for us. It's a white-collar guy, charged for embezzlement, bond is $500,000," he gave her the facts. "He's not known for being violent and I expect the distraction to go smoothly. Your pay would be $8,500."

"That's too much, Tank," Steph looked at him in horror.

"That's what everybody else involved in the takedown is getting, no negotiations," his voice was firm, his face showed that he meant business. "You've become incredibly strong and confident over the past months, Little Girl. There are no words to explain how proud I am of you or how much those changes in you mean to me. Now, the next lesson you need to learn is to accept the value of your work, monetarily and otherwise. You are a treasure to this company. Your searches are unrivaled. How many skips have we gotten solely because of your fantastic preliminaries? And now this completely new facet of approaching an apprehension. You are most valuable to us and I hope that one day you will agree to work full time for Rangeman. You need to learn to get paid on base of your excellence. Period." He looked deep in her eye and waited for agreement to settle in.

Steph squared her shoulders and took a deep breath, never leaving his eyes. "I'm getting there, Tank. I just can't change overnight."

Tank pulled her into his huge arms and squeezed her gently. "I know, Steph. Believe me, what you've achieved so far is blowing everything out of the water. I'm incredibly proud of you."

Steph and Tank parted and she walked down the hall with her back straight and strong and a spring in her step. For the shortest moment she knew she rocked and the knowledge felt amazing.

~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~

**_Three hours later…_**

Sweat was running in rivulets down her spine and between her breasts as Steph hit the punching bag with as much force and speed as she could come up with. She was in the small gym and dojo of Cal's friend Bubble and followed the strict regimen Cal had worked out for her. With him and Ram being alternately sick with the flu and the whole company being short-staffed, they didn't have much time to train together so Cal called Bubble and made him her training partner until he could jump back in.

"I think that's enough, Steph," the man with the buzz-cut suddenly stood next to her and stopped the punching bag from swinging around. "You lifted weights, then did your core training and now the punching. You want to have a go at the mats before the classes start?"

Nodding, Steph followed him over into the empty dojo. They bowed to each other and in the blink of an eye Bubble attacked, throwing Steph to the ground.

"Always be prepared. Never slack," came the command of the senior fighter. He helped Steph up, they both went into their corners and bowed again. This time Steph was prepared when he came at her and tried to throw her first over his shoulder, then his hip. She grabbed his Kimono and Gi and with a well-practiced move pulled him backward over her outstretched leg, causing both of them to go to the ground. Bubble was fast; but this time she was faster and had him in a choke-hold before he could get up. When she felt him clapping her, she let loose and they both stood up and bowed again showing their respect. "Good girl, Cal made you one crafty fast fighter."

They went on like that for forty minutes, Bubble never giving Steph a breather, making sure he brought her to her limits. Steph liked him for that. Cal and Ram didn't go easy on her and neither did the man in front of her. She wanted, needed that. What worth had a training that didn't show her limitations? It would make her blind to the dangers around her because of the wrong self-assessment. When there was no more sweat left for her to shed, she hugged the man in front of her good-bye, walked over to the locker room and sat down on the bench, draining a bottle of water with a few gulps. She would pull her clothes back over her sweaty body and shower at Hal's apartment. Perhaps she'd even take a bubble bath. Then she'd grab lunch for him and her and drive over to Princeton. Taking a last deep breath, Steph stood up and grimaced at the exhausted flutter in her legs. Yep, Bubble definitely tested her limits she thought as she staggered to her locker.

~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~

**_Half an hour later…_**

Steph stepped into Hal's apartment and enjoyed the feeling of being home filling her heart. A week ago, after Hal had woken up and started sending her home regularly to relax, she'd decided to go back to her apartment. This was Hal's place, after all, and she could hardly stay here when he was away. It took her two sleepless nights to realize that her apartment no longer felt like home and there was just one place she wanted to be. When she told Hal the next day, the smile that lit up his face was bright enough to illuminate all Princeton. So since four days she was back to staying at Hal's and she couldn't be happier. After turning on the faucet to fill the tub, she went back into the bedroom and shrugged out of her sweaty clothes. She'd primp and polish herself up as much as she could so all she had to do was take the distraction dress, shoes and her make-up with her to Princeton. Hal loved watching her getting dressed and ready; best distraction ever he'd told her the last time she had to primp up for a job.

A smile blossomed on Steph's face as she remembered that night and the sweet kisses and whispered innuendos with which Hal got her all wet and heated before she had to leave. When she came back that night, he was waiting for her and for the first time their snuggling went past necking and Hal proved what a thorough lover was hiding behind the shy mask. He massaged her, his mouth following his hands, all the time whispering words of love to her. After he'd explored every inch of her body, Steph felt more loved, more satisfied than ever before in her life and she couldn't stop the tears from falling as Hal snuggled back to her side and pulled her over so she lay protected in his strong arms.

Sliding into the tub she relished in the creamy scented water encasing her. That was exactly what she needed after her training. An hour later Steph stepped out of the steamy bathroom, her wet curls wrapped up in a towel, her body shaved, exfoliated and lotioned. A look on the alarm clock on the bedside table told her it was time to get moving so she passed up the quick nap that was calling for her and instead moved into the closet. Comfortable was her new route of clothing when she wasn't on the job. She forewent the bra and pulled one of her tailored shirts over her naked chest; another thing Hal loved. Next came comfortable panties, well-worn jeans, thick socks and lastly one of Hal's oversized hoodies that wrapped her in comfort and warmth. Her distraction outfit was an easy choice. She didn't feel like going back to her apartment so she took the one from the hanger that she wore at the last distraction. It was red and sexy; but not cheap. Just right for the bar Tank had named her. Hold-up stockings and deep red lingerie came next. Steph cautiously packed the items in her duffel bag, followed by her make-up and perfume. The black strappy FMPs went next to the bag. Walking back into the bathroom, she blow-dried her hair, happy that her wild curls fell softly around her face and was ready to go in no time.

~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~

**_University Medical Center of Princeton…_**

With a bounce in her step and sexy sway to her hips, Stephanie strode confidently through the doors of the hospital where Hal still currently resided. Reaching the right floor, she waved hello to the familiar nurses and aides as she made her way to Hal's room. Lunch time was over; but nonetheless Stephanie had stopped at a nearby cafe and picked up some food for her and Hal to enjoy. She remembered very well how horrible hospital food was and figured Hal would appreciate something real to eat.

"Hola Hector," Steph put the Styrofoam box, her duffel and FMPs on the ground and hugged the man standing guard in front of the door to Hal's hospital room. "Did anything extraordinary happen?"

Hector shook his head no. "Hal going crazy. He cussing. Want home," Hector told her in his broken English and smiled. "Now he better with you here."

Steph cupped his cheek and rubbed the teardrops under his left eye. With Rangeman still being short-staffed and Hal hospitalized in Princeton instead of Trenton, Tank had made the hard decision to deploy just one guard, switching every eight hours. Not the normal Rangeman procedure and she knew Tank didn't like it. Hugging Hector again, she pressed a kiss on his cheek before grabbing her stuff and walking through the door into Hal's room.

"Hey Baby," her smile grew and she rushed over to his bed. Shucking off her boots, Stephanie climbed onto Hal's bed and cautiously got comfortable next to him. As soon as she found her position their lips met in a longing kiss.

"Hey Angel, I missed you like crazy," he whispered against her lips before plunging into her mouth again.

The sun was shining through the window, warming them, and they got lost in the soft strokes of their tongues, the nipping at each other's lips and the soft moans coming from both of them. Hal's hands found their way under the hoodie and shirt she was wearing and he growled when he became aware of the absence of a bra.

"God, Steph. Get me out of here. I want to be home with you in our bed."

The desperateness in his voice made her smile. "Believe me. I'd love nothing more than being home and alone with you," she leaned on one arm and moved his hand under her shirts to her breast. The moment, Hal cupped the soft flesh and rubbed his thumb over her nipple, Steph's loud moan filled the otherwise silent room.

"We need to stop, Angel," he half whispered, half groaned. "As much as I'd love to get you naked and worship your body, we are not alone. Anytime a nurse or aide can enter the room and I don't want anybody seeing you, us, so intimately. That's for our eyes only."

Steph reluctantly sat up and helped Hal into a sitting position. Moving the bedside table between them she unpacked the food she brought and they both dug in. If they couldn't have each other, then the warm yumminess spread out in front of them had to do. Steph had just cleaned up and was about to lie back next to Hal, when her cell phone signaled an incoming call from her mother.

Since the incident this past October when Steph was in hospital, she had avoided talking to her mother as much as possible. All the woman did was bringing her down, constantly nagging at her and being full of reprove. When Steph told her she wouldn't spend the holidays with her family but with two friends instead, her mother threw a fit and pulled the complete guilt routine just that this time Steph was strong and stayed adamant. That talk ended with her mother slamming the receiver on the phone after making sure Steph knew she wasn't welcome for the time being. Eyeing the ringing cell phone with trepidation, Steph took a deep breath, grabbed Hal's hand for support and finally pressed the connect button.

"Hello?"

"Stephanie, this is your mother. We haven't seen you in a while, and that is unacceptable. You will be here for dinner tonight at six sharp!"

"Mom, I'm sorry; but I can't…"

"No excuses! As our daughter you have an obligation toward your parents."

"Mom, I'm not in town. I can't come tonight and hearing your tone, I doubt I want to come anytime soon," Steph swallowed and gripped Hal's hand harder. She was trembling all over; but Cal, Ram and Hal made her promise to never let her mother walk all over her again.

"Stephanie Michelle Plum. Watch your mouth. I won't let you talk to me like that. You will come tonight; I already invited Joseph over."

That got Steph fuming. "Mom, I don't care whether you invited Joe. I'm not interested in Joseph Morelli, not interested in marrying him and under no circumstances am I interested in giving birth to his brats."

"How dare you talk like that! I can't believe I brought up such a selfish and ungrateful heathen. You will apologize right now."

"No, I won't mom. I'm in Princeton with my boyfriend who's lying in a hospital bed and later on I have to work a distraction for Rangeman. I have no time to come for dinner and taking into account how this conversation is going, I'm not interested in coming anytime soon."

"What are you talking about? Since when do you have a boyfriend? Who is he? Tell me you haven't hooked up with one of those Rangeman thugs."

Steph clenched her teeth and Hal had to tug at her arm to make her realize that she was clutching his hand so hard it probably hurt. "He. Is. No. Thug! Don't you ever dare call him that. His name is Halvard and you know him from my hospital stay this past October. He was the one spending his time in my room."

For the longest moment there was silence in the receiver before Steph could hear her mother sucking in a sharp breath.

"The cripple that was lying in your bed? You can't be serious, Stephanie. God, I'll be the first to agree that you can't be picky what with your age and looks; but you don't have to settle for a cripple. Think about what the people will say. That man will never be able to provide for a family. Does he even work down there?"

Tears were streaming down Steph's face as she sobbed into the phone. "Mom, I'm sorry that you think this way; but I love Hal. He's the love of my life and I want to grow old with him. It doesn't matter that he's sitting in a wheelchair. He's the most wonderful person I know and I kindly ask you not to contact me again until you can accept the choices I make in my life and welcome the two of us in your house. I wish you'd support me; but I realize that isn't possible, at least not now, so good-bye. Give grandma and daddy a kiss for me."

With that, Steph disconnected and turned to Hal whom she could barely see through the mist of tears blurring her vision.

"Come here, Angel," he opened his arms and waited for her to get comfortable at his side. "I know it hurts like hell; but I'm proud of you," he whispered into her hair and squeezed her as much as his broken ribs allowed him. "No matter what she said, you were respectful; but adamant not to let her bring you down. Cal, Ram and I are your family and we love you to pieces. You don't need someone disrespecting you, never!" he pressed a kiss into her curls.

Steph lay with her head on his shoulder, careful not to jar his chest, and tried to get a reign on the tears streaming down her face. "I know she loves me," her voice was interrupted by the odd sob, "but why can't she like me? It feels as though she's begrudging me my independence and happiness."

"Perhaps because, at one point, she wanted to fly, too, but decided for the life as a 'Burg housewife."

Steph sighed and snuggled deeper into Hal's shoulder. "She called you a thug and a cripple."

Hal squeezed her. "Well, I AM a cripple."

"You are NO…"

"Let me finish, Angel. I am per definition a cripple; a person who is unable to walk or move properly because of disability or injury to their back or legs. But that doesn't mean that you don't love my crippled ass," he grinned brightly as she looked up at him.

And there it was, the light tucking at her lips that slowly morphed into her wonderful warm smile.

"You got that right Mister. Your ass might be crippled; but it's mine. Hear me roar."

Steph snuggled back into his side and started drawing lazy circles on his naked chest above the compression wrap supporting his ribcage. "I meant what I said earlier. You are the love of my life and I want to grow old with you." She fell silent; but her fingers kept their movement until she heard a soft sob and felt Hal's chest shutter under her followed by a painful groan. Immediately her head rushed up and she found a couple tears running down his temple.

"You are making me the most happiestest man on earth with that, my love," he whispered while brushing a few wayward curls out of her face. "You know I want all that with you, too. No matter where life will take us, I know it will be wonderful as long as you are by my side." Hal stared into her eyes and they screamed love and adoration at Stephanie. "Move in with me," he whispered. "I wanted to ask you the day I got assaulted. I ask you now. Terminate your lease and move in with me. Let's be official about our love and start building our life together."

Another tear found its way out of the corner of his eyes; but Steph captured it easily with her finger, licking it from the pad. "Yes," she nodded with glistening eyes and the brightest smile blossoming on her face Hal had ever seen. "Yes, I'll move in with you and it will be perfect."

~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~

**_A few hours later…_**

Steph careened into the Rangeman garage to see all the guys appointed to this distraction standing around and waiting for her.

"Sorry, guys," she moved with catlike litheness from the driver's seat and heard the men around her suck in a breath. Grabbing the car's door, Steph bent forward allowing a clear view of her cleavage, removed the boots and thick socks and strapped first one, then the other strappy FMP on, before straightening back up. She was fully aware of the eyes glued to her body and she enjoyed the attention. Back in Princeton she'd told Hector to protect the door to Hal's room with his life before she started to strip for her man and then piece by piece got into her distraction outfit. Hal watched her with dilated pupils pinning her hair up, leaving a few strands hanging sexily around her delicate neck. Afterwards, she conjured the most gorgeous smoky eyes and kissable lips he'd ever seen in his life. Then it was his turn to kiss and nip her into frenzy, whispering words of love to her that made her spine straight and her step seductive. Looking over to Tank who stood furthest away from her, she never left his eyes as she started to walk toward him, her hips rolling, promising more to come this night. When she stood in front of him, her eyes became magnetic, pulling him in like tractor beams, as she purred in her best sex-kitten voice, "You ready to get the bad man?"

You could have heard a pin drop so absolutely silent it was in the garage. Eventually, Steph's infectious laughter filled the space, shaking the men out of their daze.

"God, Steph," Tank mumbled after swallowing. "What's gotten into you?"

Looking around, seeing the guys adjusting themselves, Steph lifted her lips just a fraction and bored her hypnotic eyes into him. "I don't know what you are talking about," her voice still a purr before she walked over to Tank's SUV as though nothing had ever happened.

Twenty minutes later they were at the bar and the guys inside reported their skip attendant and three sheets into the wind.

"You got everything you need?" Tank looked over at Steph in the passenger seat and nodded at the file lying on her lap.

"Yeah. Let's get this show on the road."

"Steph," Tank held her back as she moved to exit the car. "Your aura is amazing tonight. I don't know what happened; but something has changed. I'm proud of you."

Steph smiled brightly at him and turned to press a soft kiss onto his cheek. There was nothing seductive about the move, she was back to her endearing lovable self; but he got a firsthand taste of what she was capable of tonight.

The distraction went smoothly at first. The skip immediately got hooked, Woody served Steph gin tonic without the gin, Lester and Bobby kept an eye on the skip and the surrounding and Cal and Tank waited outside the front door. Everything happened according to book. That was until the skip decided he wanted to dance. The Rangemen knew Steph wouldn't like it; but it was part of the job and she was the best. Every one of them had to fight his hormones; she was so absolutely breathtakingly stunning that night. There was just something amorous about her that blew the men in the bar out of the water and Les and Bobby had their hands full with keeping other patrons from hitting on her. Out of the corner of their eyes they saw Steph and the skip dancing. Their bodies were fused, their hips grinding. Men as well as women were openly watching them. They were by far the hottest couple on the dance floor… and then their skip was airborne. Bobby's eyes widened in shock as he saw him flying through the air and hitting the floor hard with Steph already on him, pulling him over onto his front and securing his arms behind his back. It went all so fast, the people around them didn't even have a chance to react. Frozen in time, they watched in horror as Lester fell next to the captured man on the floor with tears streaming down his face he was laughing so hard while Bobby still gaped speechless at the scene in front of him.

Steph didn't remember who put handcuffs on their skip or calmed the crowd or how she got out of the bar; but suddenly she was standing in front of a very intimidating Tank who silently looked down at her with his damn eyebrow raised.

Squaring her shoulders she remembered his words that morning; that she shall always find his eyes, stand tall and be proud. Looking up at him she tried to gauge his mood; but came back with nothing. His blank face was on, securely in place. She knew she fucked up. A couple months ago she might have tried to get away with it, playing her 'Little Girl card'; but she wasn't that person any longer. Taking a deep breath she locked eyes with him and apologized for her unprofessional behavior.

"I'm sorry Tank. I know we do distractions to get the skip out of public places safely and quietly. There was nothing safe and quiet about what I did. All I can say is that he grabbed my crotch and boobs and my further action was an automated response. I didn't think; I just acted. Again, I'm sorry."

Tank looked at her and nodded. "From what Woody, Lester and Bobby told me that was a well-trained throw you used. I know you have your secrets and I respect that; but if you should get any kind of training, make sure control is part of that training, too, or you can become a danger to your friends and colleagues working with you."

Steph swallowed as she watched Tank walking over to where Woody was waiting with their skip. It was hard to get reprimanded by him; but at the same time it filled her with pride. He had treated her just like one of the guys instead of the 'little girl' she used to be for him. Taking a last deep breath she turned around just to walk right into Cal's massive chest. His arms engulfed her and she sagged into him as the adrenalin started to leave her body.

"He's right about the control, Sweetie, and we'll tackle that; but first and foremost I'm unbelievable proud of you."


	23. Range(wo)man Of Excellence

**_Disclaimer: All the characters you recognize from the Stephanie Plum books belong to Janet Evanovich._**

**_A/N: This story isn't beta'ed. Any grammar faults or spelling errors are not to be considered flaws or defects but enhance the individual beauty : )_**

**_Steph gets the support and feedback she so desperately needs and then there's a new man to take care of ... it's time that Binkie gets some TLC. Can they handle the situation after dating for a while?_**

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**Chapter 23 – Range(wo)man of Excellence**

**Rangeman, fifth floor, the next morning**

Steph stepped out of the stairwell and smiling waved to the guys watching the monitors. It was half past eight in the morning and she'd already been out for an early swim training. Her endurance was at an all-time high, her body was firm, her muscles well-defined and even her abs were showing slightly in two packs. Steph was proud of herself and carried her body with new confidence. Walking down the hall down she went over what she wanted to say. She'd called Tank earlier this morning and arranged for her coming to the conference room toward the end of the morning meeting. She wanted to apologize for the night before and tell them the news about her moving in with Hal. Standing in front of the door, she was about to knock when it opened and Hector greeted her.

"Hola, Angelita." There was a twinkle in his eyes and his smile was warm and full of affection as he stood in the door frame.

Stephanie didn't understand how the other men in the building could be afraid of him. Hector was one of her favorite right after her close circle of friends. Stepping to the side, he opened the door wide and let Steph pass by him. The moment she entered the conference room ear-deafening cheers, whoops and applause broke loose, causing her to take a step back in surprise. Junior was the first in front of her and pulled her into his arms, easily lifting her off the ground. He was saying something into her ear; but because of the noise surrounding them she couldn't understand him. Next came Brett with just as much enthusiasm. The second Lester started to dance in front of her with his fists raised like a boxer; Stephanie couldn't help but laughing strike out with a fake punch to his stomach that caused him to crumble to the floor. The commotion seemed to go on forever until Tank's baritone boomed off the walls.

"ENOUGH! Everyone back to their seats. Steph? You come over to me," he ordered and the men hurriedly scurried back to their chairs. "As said before Steph stepped into the room and you all went crazy, it is solely because of her that Junior and Brett were able to get Garret yesterday. His bond was $750,000, and her geographical approach was and is unrivaled within our company. Every one of you sitting here can take a leaf out of her book. As though that wasn't enough of an accomplishment, she went on and a few hours later brought our $500,000 bond skip down single handedly. The fact that the takedown wasn't according to Rangeman procedure is obvious and Steph and I cleared the air afterwards; but nonetheless it was an amazing work. Thanks to you, Steph," he turned toward her standing next to him with a blush on her face, "Rangeman earned $187,500 within a few hours just with those two bonds. What every one of us has to keep in mind is that you are just a part-time employee, employed for doing searches twice a week. In contrast to the men surrounding you, you have no special training for the job. Though it's not part of your job-description, you worked out the take down plan for Garret in your free time as a favor to Junior and Brett. Believe me when I say that your readiness to help others and your generosity humbles me and every man in this room. Aside from that it is obvious for everybody that you got some training. It shows in your body, in the way you carry yourself, and your overall demeanor. Since that tragedy surrounding Hal hit us all the other year, you've outgrown yourself, especially in the last three months, and no matter how hard life strikes out at you, you bounce back with your 'Now more than ever' attitude. You are an inspiration for every man working for Rangeman and I'm proud to announce you 'Rangeman of excellence' earning you the award of $10,000 in addition to your pay for the two takedowns," he locked eyes with her, seeing she was about to disagree. "You've earned every dollar for the excellent work you did and for what you've put forth on a daily basis ever since starting to be around."

Steph pressed her lips together and nodded to him while her friends around the table cheered once more. She didn't feel worth so much money and it was hard not to fight him; but Tank's words the other day had been clear and she wanted to make him proud by learning her lesson.

"Damn, Beautiful," Lester finally piped up when the noise in the room settled down. "We have to change the award's title to Range(wo)man of Excellence," he grinned. As part of the core team he definitely had his hand in the decision. "The last one who got that award was Hal for his amazing take down rate the other year before he tried to take his life. Your picture will look good next to him," he genuinely smiled at her.

The photographs of the award winners got framed with a brass tag hanging below them describing the person's achievement for which they got the award. Stephanie was the eighth person to be awarded since the foundation of Rangeman Trenton and the pictures hung proudly at the wall next to Ranger's office so every client saw them when they came to a meeting.

"Guys," Steph finally spoke up when the room was silent and everybody was expectantly watching her. "Thank you," she took a deep breath. "I won't make a secret out of the fact that I struggle to accept all that money. I might no longer feel that I'm worthless; but this much money? Puh-leaze," she rolled her eyes taking another deep breath. "Funnily I don't have that much trouble accepting the award in itself. It makes me proud that you think so highly of me. Anyway, you are right about my training. Please accept that I have to do this on my own away from your curious eyes. Once I'm ready, I will share my accomplishments with you, promised. I also want to take the time to apologize to last night's takedown team for the stunt I pulled. It was an automated response and I will work on being more in control the next time. It just feels so good to finally be able to kick those slime bags' asses."

That made the men surrounding the table laugh out loud.

"Beautiful, whenever you are ready I'll willingly spare with you. I'd die for being thrown on the mats and tackled by you," Lester wiggled his eyebrows. "OUCH! What was that for?" He turned narrowed eyes to Bobby sitting next to him.

"Anyway," Steph grinned at the two and then looked around the room. "There's one more thing I want to share with you. You all know that lately I spent my nights here at Rangeman and I want to thank you all for never questioning my friendship with Hal or making lewd comments that would have embarrassed both of us. I know that some of you must have bitten their tongues at times," she smiled to Lester who winked at her. "The week before Christmas Hal and I decided to try for a relationship; but we agreed to take things slow and not come out officially. I know that if he'd be here now, he'd wave his man card to you all and puff his chest cuz he got the girl," she chuckled with love shining in her eyes. "It took me some time to say the words; but last night I told him that I love him and he asked me to terminate the lease for my apartment and officially move in with him," Steph sniffed and grinned like a Cheshire cat. "I said yes."

If Steph thought the cheers and thundering whoops and applause from earlier were loud, they didn't hold a candle to the ruckus that broke loose at this new announcement. Chairs rolled backwards, some toppled over, as the merry men jumped up and fell into each other's arms. There were High Five's and complicated handshakes between them, making Steph wonder what was going on.

"They all hoped for this to happen," she suddenly heard Tanks deep voice next to her. Looking up, she saw the brightest smile gracing his face that she'd ever seen on him. "Sometime last year one of them started the rumors whether there couldn't maybe be more to you and Hal than just friendship. I told them to keep their mouths shut and they did; but they watched the two of you like hawks. When you and Hal suddenly split up and he retreated completely to his apartment we all suffered with the two of you. With Hal because we were afraid he would drop back into such a deep depressiveness that the suicidal thoughts would return; with you because we all could see how much he meant to you and how much you were hurting. We longed to help; but didn't know how. Then the week before Christmas it was like someone had turned a switch in Hal. He was full of energy and zest for life and has ever been since then. Even the assault didn't cause a major drop in his attitude. We didn't know for sure what was going on; but we were all hoping," Tank smiled.

Steph didn't know what to say. She stood thunderstruck next to her Big Guy when the first set of arms swept her away in a tight hug. She immediately recognized the scent surrounding her and relaxed as she snuggled into Ram's warm embrace.

"Cal and I already told you last night, Sweetie," he spoke quietly into her ear, "but just for good measure: we are unbelievably happy for you and Hal. You two are meant to be together just like Cal and I are."

With tears in her eyes she let one man after the other hug her and say sweet things to her. Even knowing the guys were her friends, she'd never expected such a joy and unconditional support.

~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~

An hour later Steph parked in the lot of her apartment building and looked up to the windows belonging to her place. She'd expected a flutter of nerves or even anxiety finally realizing what she was about to do; but everything in her screamed with joy. She'd move in with Hal and they'd start building a life together, the thought made her giddy with pleasure. Once inside the building, she first went down to the basement where Dillon was living. Terminating her lease was a quick deal and he was happy about the six-pack of beer she'd brought him. Afterwards Steph went upstairs. She wanted to go through her apartment and make a mental list about what she'd have to pack up and what she would donate to local shelters.

Going through the hideous amounts of dresses she had, Steph nearly missed the soft knock at her front door.

"Binkie?" Her eyes widened in surprise. She'd missed him at the morning meeting and tried to check in with him afterwards; but he didn't open the door to his apartment on four. Ever since Hal's assault and Binkie's overreaction in the process, she'd made sure to talk to him every day. The kid he'd beaten down would survive; but the situation was eating at him. Taking a really close look, Steph furrowed her brow at his haggard face and the dark circles under his eyes. His hair was shaggy and could use a haircut and his five o'clock shadow was at least three days old. The way he was standing in front of her the otherwise blithesome man looked haunted and lost.

"Hey Steph," Binkie tried to smile; but couldn't fool her. "The guys told me about the morning meeting and you going here and I thought to come over and congratulate you myself."

Steph regarded him for a moment before stepping close and hugging him as tight as she could. "Thank you, Binkie. Having you in our lives means a lot to Hal and me," she squeezed him. "Now stop putting up a front and tell me what's going on."

She felt Binkie shutter in her arms; but he stayed silent.

"Okay, then come with me while I'll go through the rest of my clothes," she stepped away from him, took his hand and pulled him into the apartment. She wouldn't let him wander the streets of Trenton alone when he was in this mood. Placing him on her bed, Steph went back to her former work.

"How can one person have so many clothes?" She heard him ask a few minutes later, sounding totally stunned.

"Believe me, I'm as taken aback as you are. I had no clue," Steph sat down next to him and looked at her wardrobe bursting at the seams. "Most of the time, I just went shopping to buy something, not because I needed anything. There are dresses and shoes in there that I've never worn in my life. Such a wastefulness."

"You were a different person back then. Some days I barely recognize you; but I like the new Stephanie even more than the old," Binkie's voice was quiet. "How do you deal with all those changes in your life?"

"Step by step. There are moments of anxiety when my old thinking of me as failure creeps up on me. Then I go and talk to Hal, Ram or Cal and they soothe my doubts. Of course the changes in my life are all wanted and highly welcomed. I can imagine where you are struggling with everything that is going on. For the shortest moment you slipped and now you have to watch the life you built crumble around you. I wished I could help you somehow."

For the longest time the two of them sat quietly next to each other, Binkie lost in thoughts and Steph giving him time to sort through whatever was troubling him.

"I'm frightened of going to prison," he finally murmured, nearly inaudible. "I'm frightened of what it will mean for my life. I'll lose my job with Rangeman, I lose the few friends I have. No matter what prison they put me in, all around Trenton, even New Jersey, are criminals sitting in that Rangeman brought there. Even if they put me in solitary confinement, those felons are going to find a way to get me." Steph watched him as he pressed his lips together as though he was fighting the turmoil of emotions in him. "I'm scared, Steph," he finally whispered, closing his eyes.

"Oh Binkie," she clutched her arms around his neck and pulled him close, leaning their heads together. "You won't lose your job. Tank would never do that, and neither will you lose your friends. If they turn their back on you because of what happened, they are no friends to begin with. You rescued your defenseless colleague and brother in arms from some gangbangers assaulting him. Your action was honorable; you just lost control over yourself. When that happens to me, the damage is defined; but with you, your strength and combat experience…," Steph paused and pressed a kiss to his brow. "You have to face the consequences for that; but you are not alone. We are all here for you, having your back, trust me."

Binkie took a deep breath and straightened up. Somehow he looked like a lost puppy as Steph stroked the side of his face and watched him with caring eyes.

"How about you stick with me today? I don't want you alone in this kind of mood," she smiled at him as she brushed her hand through his hair. "First we get you a haircut, then we'll go back to Hal's place where you will shower and shave and put on some light colored jeans and a nice light colored shirt to get you out of this depressing black attire. Then, we'll check in with the girls at the bond office and drive over to Princeton to visit with Hal. Deal?"

"You don't have to baby me, Steph."

"I know; but I want to and from the looks of you, you need some TLC."

Half an hour later Binkie was sitting in a hairdresser's chair and Mr. Alexander himself got to work on him with an excited gleam in his eyes. It paid off to be one of his best customers, Steph thought as she watched the other women ogling her Rangeman of the day, no waiting time at all. The end product was also mind-boggling. Binkie's dark blond hair was cut short at the sides, slightly longer on top, and was highlighted with light blond tips styled into single spikes. It looked super sexy.

"Steph, I can shower and shave at my own place," he whined when Steph dragged him out of the mall toward her rundown Dacia Logan.

"Do you have anything else to wear than black?"

"No."

"Then go and clean up in your apartment; but give me the key. I'll pick some of Hal's stuff up that will look good on you and come upstairs."

"Steph…"

"Nah," she lifted her index finger, stopping him instantly. "Today, you are mine and you will do as I say. We have a deal."

A tiny tuck at his lips morphed Binkie's solemn face into a small smile. "Aye, ma'am," he saluted and followed her through the lot like a puppy.

When he finally came out of his bedroom, Steph had to swallow he looked so sexy; as though he'd just stepped off the GQ front cover. His hair was styled with one of Mr. Alexander's hair care products he'd sold to Binkie, his face was cleanly shaved, he wore one of Hal's faded blue jeans paired with a creamy cashmere sweater and he looked so gorgeous that Steph couldn't help but smile over her whole face.

"You look amazing, Binkie," she walked in a circle around him, inspecting him from every angle. "This is the kind of attire we need to get you for your court date. I never realized what a gorgeous looking guy you are. Where did you hide that when we dated," she grinned at the deep red blush adorning his face. "Come on, I want to show you around. Let's hit the bond office."

Binkie couldn't believe what he was doing; but it felt good to be with Steph and bask in the energy she was exuding. Ever since Hal's assault he was off his kilter and Steph was the only one who could make him feel at least a bit of normalcy. Before he knew it, they parked in front of the rundown office of Steph's cousin.

"Beware of the assault that is about to come," Steph warned him. "I haven't been here in person since Hal is in Princeton. The guys always grabbed my files for me." With that she opened the door to the bonds office and the screams from her two friends drowned anything she might have wanted to say in addition.

"Damn girl, it's about time you show your skinny white ass here. I already thought Batman had beamed you off this world and you two were hunkered down in the Batcave," Lula shouted, her voice loud and ear-piercing.

"Yeah, Steph. We were worried," Connie looked up from her manicure. "And who is that hottie with you?"

"That's Binkie," Steph grabbed his hand and squeezed it. "You know him. He's one of Ranger's men; but he normally has a buzz cut and just wears the black Rangeman uniform."

"Good you changed your mind about that," Connie eyed him up and down. "Turn around so I can see what your backside has to offer."

Steph couldn't believe the boldness of her friend. Has she always been like that? A short check in with her memory told Steph, yes, that was Connie's attitude. Always has been. Why was it suddenly irking her?

"Yeah, Mister. Turn around and let us see your assets. And what about front center? He decently equipped, Steph?"

Stephanie couldn't believe her ears and a look at Binkie told her that the situation was as much embarrassing for him as it was for her. "Girls, could you please simmer down? Binkie is a friend. We want to spend a nice day together and your obnoxious comments aren't helping."

"Geez," Lula rolled her eyes and huffed. "What's going on with you? I really have to say the changes in you aren't for the better. You were much more fun before you decided to become serious about the job. There was more to gossip about, too."

"Excuse me?" Steph looked at them incredulously. "I think I didn't hear right."

"What Lula meant to say is," Connie chimed in, "that there's an all-time low at the grapevine and it gets boring. Ranger is still in the wind, Morelli is dating some Kindergarten teacher, you aren't blowing up cars or rolling around in garbage anymore…"

"Yeah," Lula put her hands on her hips, nailing Steph with a stare. "All you do is hanging around that cripple. Hal here, Hal there," she rolled her eyes. "I mean, really, there's a building full of hotties you can choose from and you stick around the only one sitting in a wheelchair. Where's the advantage? Do you think you'll be getting some from him? Girl, I was a ho, remember? They can't get it up. You'd be better off taking your 'friend' for a ride until Ranger is back," she pointed at Binkie.

Steph stared at the two women and couldn't believe her ears. How could they be so rude? Admittedly, the talks between them had become more and more shallow over this past half year; but she still thought of them as her friends. She thought they'd be happy about her accomplishments; she wanted to tell them about her relationship with Hal and her decision to move in with him. Yeah, surely not. Turning around to Binkie she found his eyes and they looked as angry as she felt. She needed to get out of the office before she said something offending to Connie or Lula.

"Please tell me this isn't their normal behavior toward you," Binkie questioned her quietly once they were back in the SUV he had taken from Rangeman. He still loved her, always would. There was no way he'd put up with any _friend_ treating her like that.

"No," Steph gazed at her hands resting in her lap. Finally she looked up and found his eyes. "Thinking back I realize there'd been a decline for quite a while now; but I didn't realize we've become that estranged. You know what?" she grabbed his hand and entwined their fingers. "Sometimes you have to let go of old friends to make room for new friends," she smiled at him and squeezed his hand. "I'm not willing to let them dampen my mood. I got me my personal Binkie today and want to have a good time with him."

That brought a smile to Binkie's lips. He lifted their entwined hands, pressed a kiss on the back of Steph's, and the next moment their shiny black Rangeman SUV was sprinting down Hamilton Avenue toward the 295 that would bring them to Princeton.


	24. Their First Bath

**_Disclaimer: All the characters you recognize from the Stephanie Plum books belong to Janet Evanovich._**

**_A/N: This story isn't beta'ed. Any grammar faults or spelling errors are not to be considered flaws or defects but enhance the individual beauty : )_**

**_Just four reviews? Please ... I've been so good to you with the mostly daily updates. Don't you think I deserve a bit more support? _**

**_Here is the deal: 10 reviews and you'll get the next chapter - no matter how long it takes._**

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**Chapter 24 – Their First Bath**

**Half an hour later, University Medical Center of Princeton**

"You sure he won't mind?" Binkie asked Steph with trepidation in his voice. "I don't want to intrude on your time with Hal."

Steph turned toward him and rolled her eyes so far back in her head that she thought she could see her brain. "Puh-leaze, he knows we are close and he would never understand how I could leave you alone when you are so beaten down. He's deep in your debt. I know he'll be happy to have you here."

Binkie's eyes stayed skeptical.

"Okay, tell you what? I'll call him and ask."

"Steph we are already in the parking lot."

"So what?" She raised her eyebrows at him while hitting speed dial one and putting the cell to her ear. "Baby? I have a question, would it be okay with you if I bring Binkie with me to visit you? He's having a really bad day and I don't want to leave him alone…. Great, I knew you'd say that. Can I hand the phone to Binkie and you tell him yourself? He's a big glob of doubts today…. Okay, we'll see you in a few because we are already in the parking lot," Steph smiled at his answer and gave the cell over to the man standing in front of her.

Their talk lasted a minute tops; but whatever Hal told Binkie it made him smirk. Giving the cell back to Steph he pulled her into a tight embrace. "Thank you for doing this for me. You and Hal are a great team," he whispered in her ear before stepping back and pressing a kiss on the back of her hand.

Together they strolled over the parking lot toward the main building and stepped into the wide, welcoming foyer. They'd gotten Chinese for lunch and a birthday cake for dessert, not that Binkie planned to eat it, and the bags dangled between them as they rode the elevator up to Hal's floor.

"Hey Steph," one of the nurses greeted her with a warm smile. "How are you this fine day?"

"Everything's peachy. How is Hal doing?"

"The doctor was in earlier and wasn't happy about his weight loss. She won't let him leave for the Rehab Center until he gained some weight back."

Steph sighed and lifted the bags she carried. "We brought food and cake and I'll watch that he eats enough."

"Is there a problem?" Binkie asked once the nurse was out of earshot.

"Hal has trouble eating. The moment he's depressed or something else cuts in on his routine his appetite leaves home and he immediately starts losing weight. It won't be a problem with what we brought because he will have company and I can keep him in a good mood; but that will most probably be the only thing he eats today."

"Can't we put up a rotation that he always has company for the meals?"

That suggestion had Steph laughing out loud. "Sure, Binkie. Mr. Pride and Stubbornness will agree to babysitters who watch him eat. Thanks for the suggestion and the chuckle. " Still giggling, she made her way down the hall toward Paul, a new Rangeman. He was standing guard at the end in front of the door to Hal's room.

"Hey Baby," Steph smiling stepped into the room and immediately walked over to Hal who was lying in his bed, looking bored out of his mind. "I missed you," she whispered after a soft kiss to his lips. "The bed at home is way too empty without you."

"Then pack up my stuff and spring me," he answered half joking, half serious. "I'm so ready to get outta here."

"No can do. A little birdy told me you lost weight again. You know the rules."

"Gah," Hal turned his head to the side, annoyed with himself and the world, just to have Binkie enter his field of vision. "Hey man," he called over and forced a smile on his lips. "The big glob of doubts. What a nice change to have you here."

Frowning Steph took Hal's chin between thumb and index finger and moved it back so he had to look at her. "Ignoring me won't help you," her eyes were serious; but shining with love as they gazed deeply in his. "You know I'm not the enemy, right? I just worry about you."

"I know," Hal sighed and looked defeated.

"Good, then let's dig into the nice Chinese food we brought and have birthday cake afterwards so you get some pounds back on your carcass," she grinned at him and pressed a last quick kiss on his lips before straightening up and sorting through the food.

"Carcass? Excuse me?" Hal looked around and found Binkie smirking. "Wipe that smirk off your face, Mr.," he smiled at him. "Be glad I decided to take up with her and spared you this fate. She's a virago." That was all he could say before his lips were involved in a heated kiss.

Binkie laughed out loud at the sight in front of him. He didn't know playful Hal and immediately liked him a lot; but strong Stephanie standing up for herself showing PDAs as if it was nothing remarkably was heart-warming.

Together the three of them polished of the food in no amount of time and even got Binkie to eat a piece of the birthday cake. He couldn't believe he was doing it; but when Steph and Hal started to get on his case with huge puppy dog eyes and their infectious rapture he stood no chance.

"Good god, that was delicious," Binkie sighed as he thoroughly scraped the last remains of cake from his plate.

"Welcome to the family, brother," Hal and Steph high-fived each other. "Don't worry, we won't tell anybody and…," Hal looked left and right before whispering conspiratorial, "you are not alone. You would be shocked how many of the guys we already brought to the dark side of sweet enjoyments," his chuckle sounded sinister while his eyes danced with glee.

The next three hours were spent with teasing and light chit chat. Binkie was glad Hal didn't pick up talking about his mood and ask why he clung to Steph like a helpless puppy or what was going on in his head. Perhaps the reason for that was because he was no longer in a bad mood. The more time Binkie spent in the company of Steph and Hal, the more captivated he became by the electricity of their relationship. They were happy with each other and let the people around them share in their joy; it came natural to them. Ever since he had stepped into Hal's room, Binkie knew Hal was better suited for Steph; but seeing the two together ignited an ache in the deepest recess of his heart. He was just a man after all and after the three dates he and Steph shared, Binkie had thought they had the chance of becoming a couple; but then again with him Steph had never laughed as freely as she did with Hal.

Time passed and Binkie and Steph could see Hal's eyes getting more tired by the minute. When he yawned for the third time in short succession, the door opened and his main nurse Agnes, a woman in her fifties with a warm smile and kind eyes, stepped in with a portable tub in her hands and towels over her arm.

"Hi Stephanie. I decided to bring Hal's bath early so you can do it instead of me. I'm sure that's far more pleasurable for him then having my old hands touching his body, right Hal," she winked at him.

That caught Steph unprepared. Cautiously, she found Hal's eyes looking for any sign of how he might feel about that. So far, bathing him was a no-go. Not that Steph didn't want to; but Hal balked at every chance. The man in front of her looked alarmed before resolve settled into his eyes and he nodded to the nurse.

For the first time that day Binkie felt awkward and just wanted to get out of the room. "I'll keep Paul company and guard the door," he said to no one special and quickly stood up and turned away. Before he could take more than a couple steps, Steph's voice stopped him.

"Wait Forrest," hearing his given name from her lips made Binkie freeze on the spot. "Don't run," he heard her say as she turned him back so he was facing her. For a long moment Stephanie watched his eyes and Binkie felt as though she was looking right into his soul. "This has nothing to do with sex," she said very quietly, "or with rubbing your loss into your face. Hal has issues. He's never let me bath him before. This is important for us so please don't be hurt when I ask you to give us some time."

Binkie looked down into her face, then over her shoulder at Hal. He didn't seem comfortable with the conversation; but held his eyes. There was no victory or cockiness in them, just stress and trepidation.

"S'all good. Sorry for jumping to assumptions," he pulled Steph into his arms and squeezed her reassuringly. "I'll give you some room and wait outside with Paul." Giving a final nod in Hal's direction he turned and walked out of the room, closing the door silently behind him.

"Was that necessary? Telling him about me having issues?" Hal's voice spoke up behind her.

Sighing, Stephanie turned, walked back and sat down on the edge of his bed. "Yes," she said silently, caressing his face while holding his gaze. "I love you and I want to share the rest of my life with you; but I also care about him. He is a friend who was in a very bad frame of mind when he came to me this morning. Together, you and I managed to brighten him up. I didn't want to risk him feeling hurt and falling back into a broody mood. I would do the same for Cal, Ram, Vince, Bobby or Lester," she leaned forward and kissed him tenderly. "Does this cause a problem between us?"

"No," Hal sighed and let himself get lost in the brilliant blue of her eyes. "No, of course not. I accept your friendship with the guys and promised to not flare up because of that. I just have…," he shrugged and smiled knowing he would repeat her words, "issues."

Steph's chuckle immediately let him forget what had been his problem to begin with. He loved the warm sound.

"So what caused the change of mind? Why are you suddenly ready to let me see and touch your private parts?" Her voice was filled with love as she caressed his face.

"Agnes and I had a talk last night. She set my head straight."

Steph smiled and again found his lips for a loving kiss. "Thank you," she whispered between nips at his bottom lip. "I know your fears and nonetheless I'm sure it will be a wonderful experience for both of us."

Grabbing the small portable tub, Steph made her way over to the little attached bathroom and prepared Hal's bathing water. She knew how hard the coming moments would be on him; but at some point they had to jump into the deep end and rely on each other. Ever since realizing his impotence Hal had developed a dysfunctional relation to his genitals. His penis was no longer a source of pride and passion; but merely a slab of flesh that he despised with all his heart. He avoided looking at it and grabbed it as little as possible. He didn't want Steph to see him naked and under no circumstance was she to touch him 'there'. Deep inside of him lay the lingering dread that her sweet touches to his useless body would never render a response causing her to finally turn her back on him. He couldn't chance losing her because of his broken body.

When she came back into the room, she found Hal lying naked on the bed, the blankets bunched up at the foot, his hospital gown carelessly thrown to the floor. His hands lay flat on the mattress next to his thighs, his muscles were tense, his body stiff and he looked straight up at the ceiling as though waiting for his executioner. This was the first time for her to see him completely exposed and every fiber of her being filled with love for the man in front of her. She would make sure he would feel loved and cherished after she was finished.

"Hey Baby," she sat down on the edge of the mattress and waited for him to find her eyes. Sure as hell she wouldn't just start washing him given the state he was in. On a heavy sigh, Hal turned his face and looked at her.

"I'm s…."

"Hush, it's okay my love," Steph stopped him and caressed his face. "There's no need to hurry."

"But Binkie is outside and knows what's going on."

"Forget about him," Steph softly shook her head no. "He will guard that door with his life and wait for hours without thinking about it because that's what friends do."

Hal took a few deep breaths and tried to relax; but his muscles stayed tense.

"How about we start with some TLC," she smiled down at him, bent forward and slowly started to brush her lips over his, tantalizing slowly.

Sometimes she would linger in one corner, suckle lightly at the small hollow there, before moving forward to the opposite side of his mouth. His lips were luscious and Steph loved playing with them, nipping at the bottom lip, sucking it between her teeth, tantalizing it with her tongue. Hal let go of a deep soft breath as she continued her ministration. From his mouth she went on to the cleft in his chin that she bit tenderly. His jaw was wide and manly, chiseled like the rest of his features. She kissed and nipped along it until she reached the soft flesh of his neck. Under her Steph felt Hal sinking deeper into the mattress the more he relaxed.

"That's right, Baby," she whispered into his ear. "Just let go and let me love you."

Her lips nipped gently at his earlobe before brushing up and down the side of his neck. At his pulse point she stopped and sucked the soft skin between her teeth, tenderly kissing the remaining red fleck afterwards. Hal couldn't help but forget all about his former trepidations. His arms sneaked around Stephanie's waist and pulled her closer down on his chest even though that sent stabbing pains into his ribcage. Lifting his chin while pressing his head into the pillow, he offered her more of his throat and Steph greedily accepted. Wet, open-mouthed kisses trailed down the side of his neck before she moved to the front of his throat and suckled at the hollow between his collarbones, leaving another small mark on him. Hal's soft moan was music in her ears. Tenderly, the tip of her tongue trailed up his throat, over his chin to his lips where they stopped. Both, Hal and Steph had their eyes open, looking into the depths of each other's soul.

"I love you, Baby."

"I love you more," Hal smiled and captured her mouth in a deep kiss.

Their tongues caressed each other, exploring, demanding, and relenting. Their lips' soft massage had both of them panting.

"How do you feel," Steph loomed over him, nuzzling his nose, while her wild curls fell like a curtain around them.

"Wonderful," Hal lifted his head and kissed her softly, repeatedly. He couldn't get enough of her. "Can you imagine? I tingle. Right here," he took her hand and moved it over his wildly beating heart.

Steph smiled down at him, her eyes shining with the love she felt for him. Straightening up, she leaned over to where the tub was placed, wetted the washcloth, leaned back and ever so gently trailed it over Hal's face and neck.

"I love you because you make me feel safe and secure," she leaned over him and captured his lips in a loving deep kiss that spoke of the depth of her feelings for him. When Steph lifted her head and looked into Hal's eyes they were full of wonder.

Pulling the washcloth through the slightly soapy water, she wrung it out, lifted his left arm and with sure strokes ran the cloth over his skin; from his shoulder down to his hands. Hal watched her as she repeated the process before taking the towel and gently drying his arm. His pupils widened in anticipation as Steph lowered herself over his left side and started to place open-mouthed kisses along his biceps and down his forearm. Leaning her head to the left, Steph swiped her mass of curls out of her face so Hal could see her eyes. Never losing his gaze, she took his hand, turned it over and started to suckle at his wrist. The response in him was immediate. The tingle that started in his heart spread out over his chest and he watched in amazement as she placed a kiss in his palm and drew a small circle with the tip of her tongue.

"Angel…"

"Hush, Baby. Just relax and let me make love to you," her whisper filled the room between them.

Holding his eyes, she caressed each of his fingers with hers before taking one after another into her mouth and sucking them, swirling her tongue around them. A wide eyed deep moan was Hal's response and Steph leaned forward to catch his lips in another deep kiss.

"I love you," she finally said softly into the stillness of the room, "because with you at my side I forget about my anxieties and insecurities. I love the person I am when I'm with you."

Steph leaned back over to the tub and cleaned the washcloth. When she was finished, she stood up, took the towel and went around the bed to his right arm. With the same tenderness she had treated its left twin, she thoroughly cleaned the sticky skin and dried it before starting the procedure of gentle kisses and teases. After the wrist, the palm and every finger got the loving attention they deserved, she once more found his mouth. This round she took her time; brushed their lips together, kissed the corners of his mouth, before gently probing her tongue at the seam of his lips. She didn't need to wait. Instantly, Hal's mouth opened and welcomed her.

"I love you because with you everything is easy and enjoyable. Everything seems possible as long as you are at my side," she eventually whispered against his lips.

The little insecurity she had felt at the beginning had long left her and with a calm and serenity she knew would help Hal, Steph stood up, went back to the tub and once more rinsed the washcloth before wringing it out and sitting back at his left side.

"I will now clean your upper body; but will stop at your belly bottom, okay?" She looked at him and waited for confirmation.

When Hal nodded, she started to wash his shoulders, then his pecks and abs. Her movements were gentle; but firm, never leaving the slighted doubt that this was all about cleaning and had nothing to do with sex. After his front was finished, she rinsed the cloth once more.

"I want you to lay your arms around my shoulders and hold on to me. I will lift you up to rub down your back."

"Angel, I'm too hea…."

"No, you are not. Cal and Ram showed me how to do it correctly."

Swallowing, Hal did as told and to his surprise Steph had him up and straight in a matter of seconds without too much pain on his side. He felt the wet cloth stroking up and down his back and the feeling was heavenly. In all the time he'd been here, he hadn't been washed this thoroughly. Once Steph had positioned him back on the mattress, his eyes found Steph's lips in anticipation of her loving attention.

"You know what's coming, Buster, eh?" She smiled at him before leaning down and dipping her tongue into his belly button, drawing small circles around it. Her tongue followed his chiseled abs, softly sucking at each ridge. For a moment she thought of playing with his nipples; but then decided against it to avoid any sexual connotation. Hal was completely relaxed under her and she didn't want him to tense up again. So when the last abs was thoroughly kissed, she let her tongue travel up between his pecs, up the front of his throat until she was back at his luscious lips that were hungrily waiting for her.

"I love you because you trust me, unconditionally, even when your anxiety screams at you."

This time when she was finished kissing him, Hal was a moaning pile of goo. His breathing was deep, his pupils dilated, his eyes shining with love and lust and need. Steph forewent his genitals and went on to thoroughly wash his legs and feet, kissing and caressing them once they were dried, causing Hal to laugh and moan at the same time when she sucked at his big toes. Then it was time to face the pink elephant in the room, just that it wasn't as big and as pink as it had been before.

"It's time my love," Steph laid on Hal's chest, keeping as much weight from his broken ribs as he would allow. "Are you ready?" She kissed him and searched for any left-over trepidation; but all she found in his eyes was love.

A soft but sure nod made her smile warmly and straighten up to rinse the washcloth once more before they'd take that last step in their intimacy. She had seen his cock lying on his stomach often enough while she worked around his body. Hal had gotten comfortable with her seeing him naked. Now, she'd take the last step and touch it and hopefully afterwards Hal would no longer feel the need to keep that former wall up around him.

"I think he's beautiful, you know?" Steph softly talk to him as she started to wash his hips and abdomen. "I don't like it when the balls are longer than the cock," she grinned up to him before returning her attention to his neither regions, "but you have a gorgeous penis. He suits your size and your balls are firm and sporty."

Hal chuckled and Steph used the moment to take his cock in her hand. For the fraction of a second, Hal tensed before letting go and sinking back into the mattress. His eyes were glued at what Steph was doing.

"There's no need for you to feel uncomfortable regarding me seeing you naked or even touching you. You are perfect to me. Your cock and balls are perfect to me. They are a part of the man I love and I love them as much as your smile, your panlike hands, the way you hold me in your arms and give me peace," she continued talking to him as she swiped the washcloth under his balls a few times before wetting it again and gently cleaning his penis. Love spoke out of every caress and Hal couldn't prey his eyes away from Steph's hands. He felt her touches, her hand holding his cock, the washcloth stroking up and down and around it. The feeling was distant and it didn't cause any erection; but his mind was on fire; his chest was on fire. All he wanted was Steph naked, straddling and kissing him.

"Steph...," he moaned.

She looked up and saw the raw desire burning in his eyes. She was finished, divested the washcloth and took the towel to softly dry him. Hal's eyes followed her with need and wonder. Ever so slowly she bent over him, never leaving his gaze. His penis rested on his stomach. Steph picked it up and caressed it tenderly. He was circumcised, his glans a proud mushroom. Making sure he was watching she let her index finger trail around the head before pressing a lingering soft kiss on its tip.

"I love you because never before in my life I've felt as thoroughly loved and satisfied as when I'm with you. You are the most wonderful lover I've ever had and I wouldn't want to trade if I could."


	25. The Accident

**_Disclaimer: All the characters you recognize from the Stephanie Plum books belong to Janet Evanovich._**

**_A/N: This story isn't beta'ed. Any grammar faults or spelling errors are not to be considered flaws or defects but enhance the individual beauty : )_**

**_Whoohoo ... you've really blown me out of the water with your reviews. Thanks so much. Belinda, you made me smile extra bright ;)_**

**_I don't know how to tell you; but this will be the last chapter for a few weeks. Twenty-five chapters I got finished before I got totally stuck writing 26. There'll be about five more chapters before the story is finished. I'm so sorry to break in on the regular updates; but what shall I do. I can't force myself to be creative. Give me a little time. I'm in a bad place myself right now but latest next Monday someone special will be back who'll kick my muse into gear. If I'm good, I manage two chapters per week then._**

**_Thanks again to everybody who reviewed. I never got such wonderful feedback before. _**

* * *

**Chapter 25 – The Accident**

**Two weeks later, Hal's apartment**

Steph scurried through the bedroom, taken aback how late it was. Ten AM already. Goddamn. Why was she running so late? She'd been at the Aquatics Center with Cal, then breakfast at the Pancake House, then off with Ram to the gun range. Growling she grabbed her duffel and started to throw clothes for Hal into it; socks, boxers, t-shirts, sweat pants and sweaters, board shorts, bathing towels. Shampoo, shower gel and extra warm slippers came next. Today was the big day; he'd finally leave the hospital for the rehab center. Happy didn't start to explain her mood.

The past two weeks had been exhausting for Steph. Each day, in the early morning, she worked out for a couple hours with Cal and Ram, did searches for Rangeman till noon, went over to Princeton for lunch with Hal just to go back to Trenton to chase some skips. In the evening she would pack up whatever Ella had cooked for them and go back to Princeton to have dinner with her man. Afterwards they'd indulge in what had become their nightly bathing routine before Stephanie would drive back to Trenton and meet up with either Cal for some self-defense training or Ram for some gun training. At first she wanted to cancel the additional appointments; but Ram convinced her to try it for a few days and who knew, Steph found the physical exertion relaxing after a long strenuous day.

Anyway, the TLC she gave Hal worked its magic and not just did his remaining open wounds finally heal, he also gained some pounds back so the doctor agreed to release him to her colleagues at the rehab center. In half an hour Steph was supposed to be at the hospital to help him with his first official shower since the assault and she was still at their apartment, turning around to check that she didn't forget anything. Cursing, she threw her winter jacket on, grabbed the bag and bolted out of the front door.

"Steph, can you…"

"Sorry, Bobby," she stumbled past him toward the stairwell. "I'm running late. Need to hurry. We'll talk later," and just like that she was gone.

Barreling down the stairs and into the garage, she crashed right into Zip's hard chest.

"Hola Hermosa," he grinned, flashing his pearly whites. "I knew you'd come to your senses and decide for some Zip-love."

Steph smiled and pressed a quick kiss onto his cheek. "Sorry Z-man. I'm running late and my senses are all pointing to Princeton," she hollered as she rushed over to her Dacia Logan, threw the back door open to push the duffel bag on the backseat before sliding into the driver's seat.

Zip stood to the side and laughed good-heartedly. Like everybody else he had hoped for a chance with Steph; but their first date fell on the night when Hal pushed her away. He came over to Stephanie's to find her in a daze on her couch and instead of taking her out to that first-class Puerto Rican restaurant in Newark as he had planned, he spent the evening consoling her and helping her see through the chaos that raged in her mind.

Turning the key in the ignition, Steph tried to crank the motor; but nothing happened.

"Aaaaaargh," she gripped the wheel and shook it.

On the third try the motor finally started on a puff of black smoke causing Zip to laugh even more. Shaking his head he quickly stepped into the stairwell before the exhausts could envelope him and watched Steph careening out of the underground garage.

"Hal, do right by her or I swear I'll step in," he muttered as he climbed up the stairs to the fifth floor.

Meanwhile, Steph rushed through the streets of Trenton, cursing the other drivers, the traffic lights and life in general. Fifteen minutes. She had fifteen minutes to get to Hal's room. That was impossible. Cutting off someone's right of way, she sped on the Highway and thumped her horn at some slug in front of her. Hal was waiting for her, she didn't want to let him down. With a sigh, she angled her purse from the passenger seat and started to search for the cell phone. The guys would kill her if they could see what she was doing; they were all about keeping their eyes on the road and concentrating on driving. Apparently they didn't know what it meant to be pressed for time.

"Hey Baby," she balanced the cell between her shoulder and ear while putting stuff back into the purse and throwing it over onto the passenger seat. "I'm sorry; but I'll be late. I don't know what the problem is. I did my normal morning routine and suddenly I was running out of time," she hastily spoke into the phone. "Don't worry about a thing. We'll make your shower just in time," she quickly drew in a breath.

"Angel, calm down," Hal's soothing voice sounded in her ear. "Are you driving? You know I don't like when you drive and phone. You have no handsfree set."

"I just wanted to let you know that I was going to be late," Steph grabbed the wheel with her left hand while shifting gears with her right.

"Don't worry about a thing, Angel. I want you to be safe. Put the phone aside, and drive carefully. The streets are slushy from what I heard and I don't want you to endanger…"

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrgghhh," Steph's voice screeched through the receiver. There was the sound of metal hitting metal, more screams from Steph and then the line went dead.

"Steph? Stephanie? Stephanie, talk to me!" Hal shouted into his phone causing Junior to open the door and check what was wrong. "Call Rangeman," Hal yelled at him. "Stephanie had a car accident. They need to send an ambulance. Bobby has to find her," he tried to get a grip on the panic coursing through him.

~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~

**_Control room, Rangeman building…_**

"BOMBSHELL ALARM," Zero yelled over the floor, causing men come running from all directions. "Car accident on the Trenton Freeway between Whitehead Road and the intersection with the Brunswick Pike. Tracker is still functioning, cell is dead. Hal was on the phone with her when it happened. Vince and C.K. are nearby; ambulance and police are informed."

"Brett, Manny, move. Santos, pick Brown up and go after them," came Tank's calm command from behind the men's back. They all turned; but their boss' blank face left no doubt that the rest of them had to stay behind, no matter how much they wanted to check on their blue-eyed girl. "Zero, I want to be notified the second you hear back from C.K. and Vince."

As expected the traffic on the Freeway was already jamming up when the Rangemen hit the on-ramp at Whitehead Road. There was no time to abide traffic rules so they tore over the shoulder towards the intersection with the Brunswick Pike. Slush shot from Brett and Manny's SUV against the windshield of Les and Bobby driving behind them. Lester cursed; but didn't slow down. His Beautiful was potentially hurt and his heart wouldn't beat regularly again until he saw and held her in his arms if that was even possible.

"Fuck," he yelled as their SUV skid slightly on the half frozen ground. "Do you have your stuff ready?" He chanced a quick glance over at Bobby next to him. "I can see the accident scene in the distance."

"Ten-four," Bobby padded the medic pack between his legs, completely in his zone. "Just get me there in one piece."

Les hadn't entirely stopped when Bobby already jumped out of the truck and ran towards Steph's Logan or what was left of it. Apparently, the Dacia skidded over the shoulder, broke through some shrubs, down an embankment, before wrapping around a tree. There was nothing left of the hood, the passenger's and driver's side were thoroughly smashed, the whole car's body distorted. About fifty yards ahead an SUV stood on the shoulder, its passenger door dented.

"Brett, Manny, check out the other driver and coordinate everything with the police," Bobby yelled from behind them and half ran, half slid down the embankment toward the woman who'd become the little sister he'd always yearned for. The closer he came to the wreckage, the more he became aware of the extent of the damage. He saw Vince crammed in the backseat behind the driver's seat, stabilizing Steph's head while two EMTs tried to work on her through the broken windows.

"The body's so contorted that they need the Jaws of Life to cut the roof off. Otherwise, there's no chance to get Steph out of the damn car," C.K.'s features were hard when Bobby stopped next to him, worry written all over his face. "Vince got in through the rear to hold her head still. She's hysteric and slightly confused."

"Are you Bobby?" One of the EMTs shouted over to them.

"Yeah," Bobby ran over.

"You need to calm her. BP is 190 over 140; she's fighting us. Stomach and chest are sensitive, perhaps inner bleedings. She's confused," the EMT reported quickly. "I ordered a MedEvac chopper to take her to Princeton."

The firemen had already removed the windshield giving Bobby access to the front seats.

"Hey Honey," he maneuvered his legs over the crumbled hood into the passenger's side and painfully worked himself into the distorted car on the remains of the passenger seat, his body twisted as he turned toward Steph. "It's me, Bobby. You are safe, Honey. Vince is behind you, holding your head and I'm right next to you. Do you feel my hand grabbing yours?" He asked as he took her right hand into his and started to draw soothing circles on it. "I need you to calm down, hon. Your blood pressure is way too high, endangering your life right now."

"Bobby," croaked Steph, thick tears running down her face. "I want to go to Hal. Take me to Hal."

"Hush, love. You are injured, you need to be taken to a hospital."

"NO," Steph tried to move; but Vince held her steady. "I want Hal," she sobbed. "I need him."

"Listen Honey, the EMTs ordered a MedEvac chopper that will fly you into Princeton. I will try to bring Hal to you as soon as I can. I promise."

"Beautiful," they could hear Lester's yell and the next second he stopped in front of the compressed hood and cautiously leaned through the window frame to caress Steph's cheek. "No tears, Beautiful. Everything will be fine. We are all here for you. Bobby and Vince you already know. Then I am here, C.K., too, and Brett and Manny. You are not alone, Sweetie."

"I want Hal," Steph whimpered.

Les threw a pained look at Bobby whose jaw worked hard. Suddenly he ripped his head around as he felt Steph's hand go limp while her breathing became intermittent.

"Steph? Stephanie?" His voice was loud.

The EMT that monitored her through the driver's side window looked alarmed and started to feel her pulse. "She's going into shock!" He hollered to no one in particular. "Stephanie? Stephanie, you need to stay with me. It will soon be over and you'll be free," he spoke to her loudly.

Then everything seemed to happen at once. From up the embankment, men called down that the truck with the Jaws of Life arrived the same moment the telltale motor drone of an approaching chopper could be heard.

"We'll get you out here Steph! Stay with us," Bobby commanded from her right side.

The firemen threw jackets over him, Steph and Vince in the backseat and the Jaws did their job sawing the roof off the car body. The moment it was gone, firemen and EMTs appeared from all sides and Bobby quickly got upright. A backboard was handed over to him and the fireman that had entered the backseat next to Vince.

"The neck brace first, then we have to move her onto the backboard. Cautious, men. Cautious," the senior medic ordered.

It was the work of seven men and the eternity it seemed to take them were barely a couple minutes in reality. The moment Steph was free and transportable, four firemen started carrying her unconscious form toward the chopper that waited 50 yards away on the field, holding the most prepared and capable people to care for her. Bobby stood next to Les and helplessly had to watch his adopted sister being taken away from him.

"Vince," he turned around. "You come with Santos and me and take care of Hal when we arrive in Princeton. C.K., tell Manny that he is in charge of the scene. I'll call Tank on the drive and inform him about everything."

The young man in front of him nodded without hesitation and went off to find his colleagues dealing with the police.

"Let's go," Bobby turned to Lester. "I want you to get me to the hospital as fast as possible."

~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~

**_University Medical Center of Princeton…_**

With screeching tires, Lester brought the SUV to a stop and Vince and Bobby jumped off the rig to get inside the building.

"Park the car and wait for me in the waiting room," Bobby hollered back to him, already running towards the emergency entrance. "Vince, get up to Hal and calm him down. He needs to check in the rehab center or he loses his spot. No discussion."

"Great," Vince mumbled as he found the elevators bringing him to Hal's floor. "Calm him down. Ha! He will chew me alive, spit me out and then kill me slowly."

The moment he exited the elevator Vince could already hear Hal's voice thundering in his room at the end of the floor. There was no sign of Junior so he was probably inside trying to keep Hal from killing whoever was with him. The picture greeting him when Vince entered the room made every muscle in him instantly tense up. Hal was standing next to his bed, leaning heavily on his crutches, growling menacingly. In front of him stood a doctor, flanked by two aides who looked like Rangeman material themselves. Junior kept himself to the side; but was obviously ready to jump in at any moment.

"Mr. Bengtsson, if you don't calm down, I'm going to give you a sedative whether you agree or not. I understand that you are upset; but you are endangering your healing process," the good doctor was bravely holding Hal's intimidating stare.

"I swear," Hal's deadly voice filled the room, causing the temperature to drop a few degrees. "If you even come close to me with that syringe, then you better pray that I never get out of this bed because if I do, you are a dead man."

Vince quickly stepped in between the parties. He knew when his friend was about to lose it and Hal was a hair's breadth away from it.

"Gentlemen," he put himself in front of Hal and faced the doctor and his aides. "I'm sure a sedative won't be necessary. Give me a moment alone with Mr. Bengtsson and I'll do my best to calm him down."

The doctor regarded him with narrowed eyes and seemed to assess his options. "He's not supposed to lean on his crutches. His ribs are still healing and can easily break again. I'll be back in ten minutes to check his blood pressure," he nodded and left the room together with the two men accompanying him.

"Sit down," Vince turned around to Hal, his voice calm but assertive.

"Fuck you. I need to see Steph. Tank called and told Junior that she was brought here," Hal tried to take a step forward; but reeled.

"You. Sit. Down." Vince repeated, grabbing Hal under his armpits and helping him backwards down onto his bed. "Your face is fire engine red. You are sweating profusely. You can't overstrain yourself and risk a setback when Steph is needing you. Get a grip, man."

Had anyone else talked to him like that, he'd ripped their head off; but Vince' voice broke through the panic raging in Hal.

"Tell me she's okay. Tell me nothing serious happened to her," he pleaded with Vince.

"Sorry man, I can't," Vince sighed and set down next to Hal, bringing his arm around Hal's shoulder to squeeze him. "She wrapped her car around a tree. I was with her while the EMTs worked on her. She was conscious; but slightly confused. She went into shock just before the Jaws of Life arrived to cut the roof off. Afterwards, they immediately transported her to the waiting chopper that brought her here. Bobby and Lester came with me and are taking care of her and I am here to take care of you."

Hal listened to him, shuttering in face of the potential injuries his Angel could have sustained.

"I need to get to her, Vince. You need to bring me down to the emergency room."

"No, man. They'd never let you see her. You'd just sit in the waiting room. That's Lester's job. He will update us as soon as there is news. Our job is to get you over to the rehab center."

"What the fuck!" Hal shook off Vince's arm and groaned at the pain that movement caused. "I won't go to rehab. It's on the other side of the premises. I'm needed here."

"Hal…"

"No, shove it. I'm going to see Steph and stay with her as long as she needs me."

"No!" Vince narrowed his eyes at him, his voice raising a notch to make Hal listen. "I will accompany you over to the rehab center so you won't lose your spot. I'm serious Hal. Stop behaving like some single minded caveman. You care about Stephanie and your joint future? Prove it by taking your healing serious. Steph is in good hands. Bobby's with her, Les is waiting for news in the waiting room and will immediately call us. Right now, there are important things for us to take care of. Don't let Steph down."

Hal stared at him with anger raging in his eyes; but Vince knew he had him. Being able to take care of Stephanie was Hal's biggest wish and he knew he'd need more healing for that; physically and mentally.

~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~

Since Steph never got to bring him his clothes, the nurses at the hospital gave Hal some scrubs to wear and an ambulance drove him and Vince over the premises to the rehab center. Checking into rehab took some time; but all in all it was an easy affair. The four floor complex was open and cheerful; the nurses, therapists and aides they met all had warm smiles on their faces. After a short ride in one of the huge elevators, they arrived on the fourth floor that was reserved for paraplegics and Hal got a nice spacey room with an en-suite bathroom. Everywhere other patients were rolling around in their wheelchairs, chatting with each other, and though he hadn't interacted with anyone yet, Hal instantly liked the place.

"It's nice," Vince looked around the room after the nurse left and took everything in. Outside a group of men and women rolled past the door and watched them curiously. "I'm sure you'll have fun here."

"I want to go see Steph now."

"I'll try to spring you as soon as I find someone responsible," came Bobby's smiling voice from the door, causing Hal to wheel around.

"How is she? Is everything alright?"

Lester had texted them ten minutes ago that Steph was more or less fine and that Bobby was on his way over; but Hal needed to know first-hand that his Angel was truly unharmed.

"She's okay, man; just bruises and a contusion on her chest where the safety-belt caught her," Bobby tried to calm him.

"I need to see her. Now."

"Give me a few to find someone I can explain the situation to and release you into my care for the time being," Bobby stretched his fist out and waited for Hal to bump it. He could imagine how out of his mind with worry Hal had been and Vince had done an excellent job of keeping his friend in control.

~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~

Steph was fast asleep when Hal finally rolled into her room.

"Can you give us some alone time?" He turned to Bobby and Vince who'd followed him.

"Sure," the two men nodded and turned to keep Lester company outside the door.

Silently, Hal rolled around the bed, put the brakes on his wheelchair and watched Steph's sleeping form. The accident was bad, really bad, and Hal sent thanks and prayers to all the guardian angels working for his love in those moments the crash happened. Vince didn't want to talk about it; but eventually succumbed to Hal's questioning and told him about the extent of the damage to Steph's car. Nothing was left; the Logan a case for the junk yard. She could have been killed. His Angel could be dead. Hal pressed his lips together and narrowed his eyes against the upwelling tears.

"Hey," a croaky voice brought him out of his dark thoughts.

"Angel," Hal smiled, filled some water into a cup and handed it Steph. "I'm so glad to see you. There are no words for the panic I felt when I heard you scream and suddenly the connection to your cell broke."

"I'm sorry, Hal. I'm so very sorry," Steph voice quivered and tears appeared in her eyes. "You told me not to phone while driving; but I wanted to tell you I'd be late. I had to shift gears and then there was suddenly the other car…"

"Hushhhh, Angel," he took the cup back from her and wiped at the tears running down her cheeks and temples. "It's over now and all that counts is that you are alive and kicking."

"But…"

"No 'but'," Hal smiled and painfully worked himself upright and over onto the edge of the mattress. Leaning forward he encased Steph's upper body with his forearms and put his brow against hers, sharing a few precious breaths with her. "All that matters is that you are alive," he whispered and started to pepper her face with tender kisses, internally wincing at the pain in his own body.

"You are in pain," Steph cupped his face and gently rubbed the lines of strain around his mouth and eyes. "Go, sit back into your wheelchair."

"This one time, I will obey," Hal smiled at her with a grimace. "But the next time you won't get rid of me so easily.

That caused Steph to chuckle and grimace in pain herself.

"Tell me what happened," Hal released the brakes, pushed the bedside table aside and rolled even closer to Steph's bed.

"It was horrible," Steph entwined their hands and Hal started to draw soothing circles on the back. "I was accelerating and had to shift gears. My left hand was on the steering wheel, the right hand was shifting and the phone clamped between my left shoulder and ear. The gear didn't catch and I looked away from the street for a moment. When I looked back up there was suddenly this big SUV next to me and I sideswiped it. I had drifted over into the neighbor lane. I screamed and pulled at the wheel and the Logan started to spin on the slush. It was horrifying," thick tears were back rolling down her cheeks remembering the happenings. "I tried to get the car back in control; but suddenly we skidded over the shoulder and through some brush and then down anembankment. There were trees everywhere and I rammed one with the passenger side, then with the driver's side and lastly the Logan crashed hood first into a trunk. My body felt like every limb was ripped from it and I couldn't breathe; but luckily nothing happened aside from a some bruises and a contusion on my chest where the safety belt gripped me."

Steph took some deep breaths and wiped at the tears rolling down her face. "I'm so sorry for worrying you."

"None of that, my love," Hall shook his head and smiled lovingly at her. "Not long ago it was me that scared you to death when I was assaulted. We are even."

"What is it with the two of us that we constantly produce such drama?"

"Well, neither of us likes living the boring life. I guess this is our way of keeping it interesting and keeping the guys on their toes," Hal chuckled. "But seriously, I plan to share the rest of my life with you and there will always be good times and bad times; but after everything is said and done they are still our time and we can make them into whatever we want."

Steph nodded. "So what does that mean in this situation?"

"It means that we learn from what happened and grow stronger because of it," Hal lifted their entwined hands to his mouth and pressed a loving kiss into Steph's palm before lying them back onto the bed. "Let's promise to always be mindful whatever we are doing. Loving each other means taking over responsibility for the other. I won't take any unnecessary risks like going out on my own without back-up and you won't take any unnecessary risks like driving distracted. Let's always keep in mind that we are no longer alone; but now have someone else caring for us. We should do our best not to cause the other sorrow."

Nodding again, Steph raised her hand and stroked Hal's cheek. "I love you."

Three simple words; but they meant the world to him. Steph had never been able to say these words to anybody else, not Morelli, not Ranger; but to Hal she gave them freely. He couldn't believe his luck as he caressed her hand and watched her slowly fall asleep again.


End file.
